Scenario. Not say anything, or say something? read below~

[LadyEmeraude]

***This scenario was at a quaint restaurant, which I was having dinner at
a long time ago.

How I chose to handle it, I will share later.

You get up to go use the restroom and directly
walk by a booth and see someone you know.
This person is your good friends husband. He is
snuggling close to another female whom isn't
his wife and the are exchanging mouth to mouth
romantic kisses.

Would you say anything to your friends husband
on your return trip from the restroom? Would you
say "hello John", or would you just stare and make
him uncomfortable, or would you not say anything
at all and never repeat what you saw to your good
friend, who's husband seemed to be out with another
woman?

 

[LadyEmeraude]

.

 

[fuzzybuddy]

Well, you aren't judge and jury. If you make eye contact with the husband, I think you should just nod as a sign that you know him. And go on to your table.
You are not the marriage police.

 

[chic]

I wouldn't say or do anything. He knows what he is doing and why while I don't know these things. Silence is golden?

 

[LadyEmeraude]

What I chose to do long ago in regards to my topic, was to say 'nothing'
to my friends who's husband was with the other woman. When Jill and
I had out next visit about three months later at lunch, she volunteered
to me that her marriage was on the rocks, and they both she and her
husband had decided to see other people.

SO, was glad I had minded my own business at that time. When I did
though pass by his table again when returning from the restroom, I
only passed by, I chose not to say anything to him or acknowledge
his presence.

Recently I had lunch with Jill, she is happy and in a relationship with
another person, and as is her ex husband.

 

[Nathan]

Edit: posted before I saw post #6 Glad to see your being discreet paid off.

Of course you'd have to deal with the sense of duty to report this discovery to your good friend. It's a burden, one I would call a "lose-lose" situation.

 

[LadyEmeraude]

I

Of course you'd have to deal with the sense of duty to report this discovery to your good friend. It's a burden, one I would call a "lose-lose" situati

 

[LadyEmeraude]

SO, I wonder how many of us would want to be told if a friend
of ours had seen our spouse seemingly out with another person?

 

[George1959]

"would you not say anything
at all and never repeat what you saw to your good
friend?"

Exactly this I'd do.

 

[Magna-Carta]

If I were in this situation in a restaurant, my initial thought would be that I have more pressing matters to contend with as I'm heading to the restroom for a reason.

No doubt once in the restroom that would give me the opportunity and time to think about the situation I'd just seen. Think about my own boundaries, and think about how not to inadvertently get inside the boundaries of others. Regardless of how close I ‘think’ I am to a friend.

On the return trip from the restroom, I wouldn't go out of my way to make him feel uncomfortable by staring at him. That would seem immature on my part. I think I would probably say "hello John" or similar as I walk past, and politely acknowledge the woman in some way. It would seem rude of me not to. I wouldn't stop to talk further but instead, return to my table.

If John wanted to approach me later in the restaurant with some words of wisdom, then I would leave that up to him. Either way would be fine to me. I wouldn't tell my good female friend that I saw her husband in the restaurant. I am not part of their relationship. I don't and shouldn't be directly experiencing their relationship or passing judgment on it. Good friends don't tell everything about their relationships, and nor should they do. For all I know, my good female friend might be in a different restaurant on the other side of town in a romantic kiss with another man. What we see or think we see, isn’t always a reflection of the true reality.

I wonder if there is something missing from the Original Post though. Something relevant -- some additional context and information we are not privy to. It almost reads as though we are being drawn into the situation, to give a response, only then later to be told the full situation.

 

[Magna-Carta]

SO, I wonder how many of us would want to be told if a friend
of ours had seen our spouse seemingly out with another person?

Probably, eventually, but I think there is a very good chance that I would have already figured it out. People aren't generally that clever when cheating.

 

[Murrmurr]

Of course you'd have to deal with the sense of duty to report this discovery to your good friend. It's a burden, one I would call a "lose-lose" situation.

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, right?

I don't think anyone knows exactly how a couple will react to that kind of news. Even if you know them really well, and you're certain that information would never lead to any sort of violence, you could be wrong.

 

[LadyEmeraude]

If I were in this situation in a restaurant, my initial thought would be that I have more pressing matters to contend with as I'm heading to the restroom for a reason.

No doubt once in the restroom that would give me the opportunity and time to think about the situation I'd just seen. Think about my own boundaries, and think about how not to inadvertently get inside the boundaries of others. Regardless of how close I ‘think’ I am to a friend.

On the return trip from the restroom, I wouldn't go out of my way to make him feel uncomfortable by staring at him. That would seem immature on my part. I think I would probably say "hello John" or similar as I walk past, and politely acknowledge the woman in some way. It would seem rude of me not to. I wouldn't stop to talk further but instead, return to my table.

If John wanted to approach me later in the restaurant with some words of wisdom, then I would leave that up to him. Either way would be fine to me. I wouldn't tell my good female friend that I saw her husband in the restaurant. I am not part of their relationship. I don't and shouldn't be directly experiencing their relationship or passing judgment on it. Good friends don't tell everything about their relationships, and nor should they do. For all I know, my good female friend might be in a different restaurant on the other side of town in a romantic kiss with another man. What we see or think we see, isn’t always a reflection of the true reality.

I wonder if there is something missing from the Original Post though. Something relevant -- some additional context and information we are not privy to. It almost reads as though we are being drawn into the situation, to give a response, only then later to be told the full situation.

Hi Magna-Carta. In reply, my post is pretty much the context. Real names not used or other specific
very detailed info. It simply is a topic I was thinking about today. No hidden agendas..

 

[LadyEmeraude]

I know that if any of my closer friends saw my spouse out with
another woman, that they would tell me, how exactly they would
share this info, I can't say, but one way or another they would be
sure I knew about it, that is for sure. They would not let too much
time pass..

 

[Murrmurr]

I know that if any of my closer friends saw my spouse out with
another woman, that they would tell me, how exactly they would
share this info, I can't say, but one way or another they would be
sure I knew about it, that is for sure. They would not let too much
time pass..

I bet more men than women would say Don't tell.

That might have a little bit to do with my previous post.

 

[Magna-Carta]

I think it's so easy to go to the aid of a good friend, and for what at the time seems like all the right reasons. Only then later to realise you have allowed yourself to make a fool of yourself. lost a friend and created an enemy. Strong friendships can be significantly more delicate than we realise.

 

[LadyEmeraude]

I bet more men than women would say Don't tell.

That might have a little bit to do with my previous post.

I tend to agree with you on this...

 

[againstthegrain]

I was in a situation years ago. I was living w this woman long term and when I was away fighting forest fires for 3 weeks an old boyfriend of hers was staying overnight at our house. One of my best friends told me about it when I returned and I thanked him. I packed my stuff and was out of there asap.

Later I found out she conned the old boyfriend out of a bunch of money after they were together again for a couple of years! I did very well in the quality of girlfriends I had, except that one. I did really hate her for quite a while.

Keeping someone that's important to your life in the dark about consequential stuff is kinda chicken chit, imo.

 

[Pepper]

I was in a situation years ago. I was living w this woman long term and when I was away fighting forest fires for 3 weeks an old boyfriend of hers was staying overnight at our house. One of my best friends told me about it when I returned and I thanked him. I packed my stuff and was out of there asap.

Did you leave without her knowledge? Or, did you two talk about it at all?

 

[againstthegrain]

Did you leave without her knowledge? Or, did you two talk about it at all?

We talked, she was sad, I was mad and embarrassed as this was "on post" housing so very visible to our co-workers and superiors. I don't give 2nd chances for egregious violations of trust. In fact later on I was the same way in business, even if it meant less income to me.

 

[Naturally]

Not my monkeys, not my circus ... I wouldn't have said anything as I passed the booth
Would I have told my friend what I'd seen ?? ... not likely, unless s/he broached the subject of suspicious infidelity first
But honestly can't say for sure. Depending on the circumstance, it may weigh heavily on my mind and friendship
People generally have a gut feeling how relationships are going
They can choose to act / confront or not without my interference

 

[Jules]

I know that if any of my closer friends saw my spouse out with
another woman, that they would tell me, how exactly they would
share this info, I can't say, but one way or another they would be
sure I knew about it, that is for sure. They would not let too much
time pass..

Speaking from experience, I’d want to have a hint about what’s possibly going on. Too many spouses (usually women) don’t have a clue what’s happening. Once you are aware, you can watch for the details and be ready to deal with the situation.

 

[againstthegrain]

Speaking from experience, I’d want to have a hint about what’s possibly going on. Too many spouses (usually women) don’t have a clue what’s happening. Once you are aware, you can watch for the details and be ready to deal with the situation.

I have a perfect example of this which I will not detail here because it didn't happen to me, but it's heartbreaking. Once again the husband was a complete pig and devastated 2 women's lives(he lied to both) and a huge family. And they're not spring chickens, btw.

 

[jujube]

I think I would be tempted to say "Hi, John," as I walked by and let him worry about whether I would be telling his wife. Let him stew about it.

 

[LoveTulips]

I would say Hi and ask, Oh, and where is your lovely wife today? For all you know, sometimes the person who is part of the affair has no idea that the other is married. I ended up going out with a married man when I was in college.

I phoned his home one day (usually his wife was away working during the day, I did not know this, he did of course and asked me only to call during certain hours as he worked in the evening and night as a chauffeur and would still have time to see me 2 or 3 times a week - before cell phones of course).....anyways, another male answered the phone.....so I asked for Paul and the guy who answered said that he just took his baby son to the doctor's.

Well, I was in shock and wanted nothing to do with him any longer. He called to beg me to go out with him and that he and his wife are not close, blah, blah, blah.... I think the worse thing is that his wife just had the baby ( one year old) and he was messing around. I mean I don't know if he was staying home with the baby during the day while his wife was at work because I only saw him at night.