Seeing things as being only "black and white" in arguments, (can become a negative characteristic!?)

[grahamg]

If people try to see the world as being only about issues that are "black and white" in arguments, or in their lives, it can become a very negative characteristic in my view, because there are almost always nuances aren't there, to whatever argument you might encounter, or situation you meet in life.

I think its almost a defensive response, and it is criticism, even helpful well meant constructive criticism they're afraid of, if they were to show any weakness, and say they made a mistake in whatever way it might have been, (misunderstanding a situation or jumping into a conversation before the other person has had chance to explain themselves).

The odd thing is that the person I have in mind, who is very good hearted and a very helpful friend, portrays herself as being very positive, and avoiding people who are being what she thinks of as being negative, as much as she can, she then ends up being, in a sense, one of the most negative people you'd encounter, because they're so judgmental, and have a negative opinion of others as being "boring" or whatever.

I'd guess "boring" means nothing more than not being interested in the things she is interested in, and not being loud people who attempt to shout others down in a competitive way, as I'm afraid she does a bit too often.

 

[Bellbird]

As the saying goes, nothing is black and white, there are two sides to a story.

 

[palides2021]

I agree, nothing is black and white, just black and white, haha. Life is a mirage of grays. What we think is real, might not be. If a person is trying to be your friend, but is criticizing other people, that's a red flag to me. I tend to judge a person's character by the friends they keep, or if they don't have friends, that can become an unspoken gray area.

 

[grahamg]

As the saying goes, nothing is black and white, there are two sides to a story.

Here is a great man who appeared to agree with you:

 

[grahamg]

I agree, nothing is black and white, just black and white, haha. Life is a mirage of grays. What we think is real, might not be. If a person is trying to be your friend, but is criticizing other people, that's a red flag to me. I tend to judge a person's character by the friends they keep, or if they don't have friends, that can become an unspoken gray area.

I remember once arguing that there are some things that are "black and white", but maybe its a case of "the exception that proves the rule" here, (for example you cant be "half pregnant", you either are or you are not, so that is black and white, and leaves no room for argument does it!).

 

[Tish]

There are always 3 sides to an argument, his view, her view, and the truth.

 

[Shero]

World view is complex and full of all the shades in between. Everything we see, think or do is colored by experience and perception.

Although it is good to accept gray areas, to me it can also seem like indecisiveness. Some things in my opinion cannot, or should not have gray areas – for example – standards, ethics, morals and values. Legal documents etc have no gray areas.

Therefore, where black and white are concerned, it has to depend on the situation.

 

[grahamg]

There are always 3 sides to an argument, his view, her view, and the truth.

Not always 3 sides of course, (if him or her are proved to be lying, the the truth and one or other of them is going to be the same!).

Over legal matters yes, (or matters of legal contracts to be more precise, as precision is so important in legal matters), everywhere (else) you look in legal matters it is full of legal argument, and plenty of room for nuance and differences of opinion, where a judge has to decide upon the balance of probabilities which side is right and just, (or "proved beyond reasonable doubt"! )

 

[fancicoffee13]

If people try to see the world as being only about issues that are "black and white" in arguments, or in their lives, it can become a very negative characteristic in my view, because there are almost always nuances aren't there, to whatever argument you might encounter, or situation you meet in life.

I think its almost a defensive response, and it is criticism, even helpful well meant constructive criticism they're afraid of, if they were to show any weakness, and say they made a mistake in whatever way it might have been, (misunderstanding a situation or jumping into a conversation before the other person has had chance to explain themselves).

The odd thing is that the person I have in mind, who is very good hearted and a very helpful friend, portrays herself as being very positive, and avoiding people who are being what she thinks of as being negative, as much as she can, she then ends up being, in a sense, one of the most negative people you'd encounter, because they're so judgmental, and have a negative opinion of others as being "boring" or whatever.

I'd guess "boring" means nothing more than not being interested in the things she is interested in, and not being loud people who attempt to shout others down in a competitive way, as I'm afraid she does a bit too often.

You are right in a sense. Even listening to negative people, you can learn something. Even listening to an arguement and not saying a thing, you can learn. Things you never thought of it that way can come up.

 

[Don M.]

On Any Topic, there are usually extreme views....both Pro and Con. Invariably the truth lies somewhere in the middle. Unfortunately, more and more, "compromise" seems to be a Lost Art....this is reflected increasingly in our politicians.

 

[grahamg]

You are right in a sense. Even listening to negative people, you can learn something. Even listening to an argument and not saying a thing, you can learn. Things you never thought of it that way can come up.

I'm feeling a bit more positive myself about my friend this morning I admit, though I know my psyche will be assaulted with more "one upmanship", "how could I be so stupid as to think this or that", "purchase this or that when it could have been bought somewhere else cheaper", or whatever it might be!!!!

The other side of the coin is that I have taken full advantage of her very kind friendship over many years, and the "stability" in her household, when I've been for example "stressed at work, almost beyond my limit", has helped me feel back to normal again sometimes, and she's written very supportive letters in relation to some long running legal trouble I've been having, (too long a story to address here!).

My friend has had to overcome my telling her a month or so ago, (in as nice a way as I could do so), that I thought she treated me like a child, and as I've said in the OP I think she does struggle to deal with any criticism, "tough a skin as she likes to present herself as having"!

I'll do my best to be especially nice to her today and let you know how that turns out!

 

[Chris P Bacon]

 

[Ruthanne]

IMO everyone has their "truth" to a situation or problem or opinion. I've gathered this from learning about people. Your truth may just be as valid as mine. That's why I don't argue much with people. Everyone is entitled to their truth of something.

As long as no one gets hurt badly. What do I know anyway

 

[grahamg]

IMO everyone has their "truth" to a situation or problem or opinion. I've gathered this from learning about people. Your truth may just be as valid as mine. That's why I don't argue much with people. Everyone is entitled to their truth of something.
As long as no one gets hurt badly. What do I know anyway

That can be taken too far though I'm sure you will agree(?).

Were I to try to tell you "up is down", and "down is up", I'd be pushing my luck as to whether you might consider not only my sanity, but more particularly whether I was taking the mickey out of you, or "just winding you up", (to use that awful phrase!).

The perfect response to such nonsense would be to ask someone to prove their views on up and down by stepping off yonder cliff, to see whether to ascend into the heavens in a physical sense, besides the metaphysical sense you're likely to experience when you hit the ground!

 

[Ruthanne]

That can be taken too far though I'm sure you will agree(?).

Were I to try to tell you "up is down", and "down is up", I'd be pushing my luck as to whether you might consider not only my sanity, but more particularly whether I was taking the mickey out of you, or "just winding you up", (to use that awful phrase!).

The perfect response to such nonsense would be to ask someone to prove their views on up and down by stepping off yonder cliff, to see whether to ascend into the heavens in a physical sense, besides the metaphysical sense you're likely to experience when you hit the ground!

I follow what you mean but I really didn't think of those extremes when I posted.

 

[Trish]

Life would be so much easier if it were just black and white - it's the grey areas which make things so much more complicated

 

[Chris P Bacon]

Life would be so much easier if it were just black and white - it's the grey areas which make things so much more complicated

Complicated and interesting

 

[grahamg]

Life would be so much easier if it were just black and white - it's the grey areas which make things so much more complicated

My dad's mates used to say they knew life was hard, (or their farming life was hard), but they wouldn't have liked it if it wasn't, so there's the rub isn't it!

 

[grahamg]

I follow what you mean but I really didn't think of those extremes when I posted.

Do you know what I mean too, when I say I sometimes feel like folks who can see both sides of every argument, or say they can anyway, "drive me nuts"!!!

 

[fancicoffee13]

I'm feeling a bit more positive myself about my friend this morning I admit, though I know my psyche will be assaulted with more "one upmanship", "how could I be so stupid as to think this or that", "purchase this or that when it could have been bought somewhere else cheaper", or whatever it might be!!!!

The other side of the coin is that I have taken full advantage of her very kind friendship over many years, and the "stability" in her household, when I've been for example "stressed at work, almost beyond my limit", has helped me feel back to normal again sometimes, and she's written very supportive letters in relation to some long running legal trouble I've been having, (too long a story to address here!).

My friend has had to overcome my telling her a month or so ago, (in as nice a way as I could do so), that I thought she treated me like a child, and as I've said in the OP I think she does struggle to deal with any criticism, "tough a skin as she likes to present herself as having"!

I'll do my best to be especially nice to her today and let you know how that turns out!

Stress is never good for seniors. I got stressed while in arguments and I looked up meditation-music and sounds of nature and found the videos just SO BEAUTIFUL and relaxing. So, I feel much better after looking at the scenery and listening to the beautiful sounds!. It helps. I go to You Tube and pick out one to listen to. There is a Daily Calm 10 minute Mindfullness Meditation. It is a good beginner video.

 

[David777]

Some favorite words of black and white thinking persons especially whenever they are emotionally arguing that socially intelligent persons quickly pick up on:

always
never
every time
everyone
nobody

 

[Chris P Bacon]

Some favorite words of black and white thinking persons especially whenever they are emotionally arguing that socially intelligent persons quickly pick up on:

always
never
every time
everyone
nobody

Everyone, always, every time, says those things! Nobody never does not!

 

[Remy]

As the saying goes, nothing is black and white, there are two sides to a story.

But some brains don't work like that. Like my mother. An undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. When they are in one of their states, it's complete insanity.

And before anyone says I can't diagnose, I can diagnose that woman.

 

[grahamg]

Everyone, always, every time, says those things! Nobody never does not!

There is a point to the post though, and it does ring bells as to how my friend behaves, for example saying, "everyone agrees with me", in one form or another, about whatever subject it might be, (my response being, when I dont agree, "well in that case everyone is wrong" !).

 

[grahamg]

But some brains don't work like that. Like my mother. An undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. When they are in one of their states, it's complete insanity.
And before anyone says I can't diagnose, I can diagnose that woman.

"God bless her", (my own mum was a bit of a handful to deal with it has to be said, though I discovered after she died that when she said "she had done her best as a mother", (or in life), she was speaking the truth and I didn't appreciate it was so.