Selma & Sam in the old folks' home

[hollydolly]

An elderly man named Sam, an 80yr old who lives in a retirement home has been a widower for 20yrs and he’s made friends with a woman also 80yrs old and her name is Selma.

One day Sam tells Selma “you know Selma, it’s been 20yrs that my Sophie passed and even longer since I had a woman hold my manhood in her hand, would you, please do that for me”?

Selma thinks about it and sees no harm and says “yes Sam, I can do that for you”. Elated Sam takes it out and Selma grips it in her hand

This goes on for the next month, everyday.

Then all of a sudden Sam stops showing up.

Selma was confused and went searching for Sam. She walked all around the home and finally she finds Sam but she now sees Judith another resident living in the home and she’s now holding his member.

Selma in a jealous huff walks up to them and asks Sam “what does she have that I don’t”? Sam replies






“Parkinson's”!

 

[Pinky]

An elderly man named Sam, an 80yr old who lives in a retirement home has been a widower for 20yrs and he’s made friends with a woman also 80yrs old and her name is Selma.

One day Sam tells Selma “you know Selma, it’s been 20yrs that my Sophie passed and even longer since I had a woman hold my manhood in her hand, would you, please do that for me”?

Selma thinks about it and sees no harm and says “yes Sam, I can do that for you”. Elated Sam takes it out and Selma grips it in her hand

This goes on for the next month, everyday.

Then all of a sudden Sam stops showing up.

Selma was confused and went searching for Sam. She walked all around the home and finally she finds Sam but she now sees Judith another resident living in the home and she’s now holding his member.

Selma in a jealous huff walks up to them and asks Sam “what does she have that I don’t”? Sam replies



“Parkinson's”!

Oh, Hols .. that is SO naughty!

 

[Pappy]

An elderly man named Sam, an 80yr old who lives in a retirement home has been a widower for 20yrs and he’s made friends with a woman also 80yrs old and her name is Selma.

One day Sam tells Selma “you know Selma, it’s been 20yrs that my Sophie passed and even longer since I had a woman hold my manhood in her hand, would you, please do that for me”?

Selma thinks about it and sees no harm and says “yes Sam, I can do that for you”. Elated Sam takes it out and Selma grips it in her hand

This goes on for the next month, everyday.

Then all of a sudden Sam stops showing up.

Selma was confused and went searching for Sam. She walked all around the home and finally she finds Sam but she now sees Judith another resident living in the home and she’s now holding his member.

Selma in a jealous huff walks up to them and asks Sam “what does she have that I don’t”? Sam replies



“Parkinson's”!

I’m stealing this one Holly.

 

[Furryanimal]

 

[horseless carriage]

With their ailing mother needing constant medical supervision, a family decided to bring her to a very expensive and caring nursing home for a day to try it out. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed okay but after a while she slowly started to lean over sideways in her chair.

Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her out. Again, she seemed okay but after a while she started to tilt to the other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning, with the dedicated nurses making sure the old woman didn't fall. Later, the family arrived to see how she was adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they asked. "It’s very nice," she replied. "Except they won’t let you fart."

 

[Furryanimal]

No idea how this ended up here!Must have clicked the wrong thread!

 

[jujube]

John is in a nursing home. He knows the end is looming but he'd like to have just a little more fun before he shuffles off this mortal coil. He looks around to see if there are any ladies around who are possibly of a like mind. He sees one that seems to be full of life and invites her back to his room after dinner.

He hurries back, turns the lights down low, dials up some romantic music on the radio ad puts on his lounge jacket and an ascot. There's a knock on the door. It's her!

He invites her in. There's no place else to sit, so they're sitting side by side on the bed. He gets frisky. She seems willing and he starts to unbutton her blouse.

"You'll have to be gentle with me," she coos, "I have acute angina."

"Oh, heck, I sure hope so," he replies, "'cause your t!ts are ugly as hell!"