Sharing our lives: elderly women living alone

[Kandinsky fan]

I am a 75 year old retired woman. I live alone except for my cat, Charlie. At the moment, he is my bestie. I tell him everything and he listens. But I do so wish for human companionship. Now here's a problem that I encounter--too frequently. In speaking with others similar to me in age, living alone, I often hear. "I'm very happy living alone." "I have many friends." From married women: "You should just put yourself out there. Join clubs do charity work..." Does any of this sound familiar to you and are you half-disbelieving of these responses? Do you get the same advice, over and over from people who hardly know you? If so, how do you respond? I look forward to discussing this with any if you, female or male, any age. Thanks.

 

[Pepper]

I wish you didn't call yourself 'elderly'. Doesn't 'tough old broad' have a better ring? Does to me. Elderly, for me, is indicative of frailty. Even though I have a plethora of health conditions, can't bring myself to render myself 'frail.'

Welcome, Kandinsky fan. Yes, your post is very familiar to me. I can't contribute more 'till I've had my second cup of coffee.

 

[hollydolly]

Sure...I've heard all this a million times, (and I'm 10 years younger than you) . ..between my 2 marriages.. I was divorced for 20 years, so I heard those statements until I was sick of them..and essentially I still hear them now because I have a husband who works up to 15 hours a day, and so it's like I live alone much of the time..

Until recently I worked full time, but now..almost 3 years on.. I do get fed up sometimes, and especially now with everything closed during Covid lockdown ..

This forum has the last 7 years even while I worked has been a great source of friendship to me, and R&R .... and while the world is going mad..it's even more so..


Where are you in this world ?..We're a scattering from throughout the western world here, come and post you'll find lots of virtual friends here at least...

 

[Liberty]

 

[moviequeen1]

Hi Kandisky fan,welcome glad you found us
I'm younger than you{68}I've lived my adult life alone prefer it that way.
I've made close friendships over the yrs ,one couple in particular,Marcia&husband Dave &their 2 sons are my 'Buffalo family'{they live 2 blocks away from my apt} since my siblings live elsewhere.I'm alone but would see some of my friends a couple times/month.This all ended when COVID started,I see or talk to Marcia&Dave once/wk,though I can't hug them.Its the 1 thing I hate about this virus,not able to hug anybody
You'll meet wonderful group of members here at SF from around the world
Enjoy yourself
Sue in Buffalo,NY

 

[Sliverfox]

Welcome,kandinskyfan.

 

[Rosemarie]

Welcome Kandinsky. When it comes to friendship, it depends really what you are looking for. Do you want someone physically in your life, someone to share days out and evenings in...or a group where you can meet up and put the world to rights? I have never been comfortable being part of a group, I prefer the close friendship of just one or two people.

 

[MarciKS]

Welcome. I too hate when people tell me I should go out and try to make friends or find a hobby or volunteer somewhere to meet other people. I don't want to meet other people. That's what I have the internet for. I work FT so I don't need a volunteer job. I have hobbies...in the house. I'm perfectly content like this. Someone on the street who don't know me shouldn't be telling me what I should be doing. *Laughs*

 

[Pinky]

@Kandinsky fan

I too, am a Kandinsky fan

As to all the advice - I say, go with your own heart. When I was between marriages, I searched out all sorts of ways to meet people. None of them came to fruition, probably because I am not one for groups. I am more of a 'one-on-one' person.

The forum is a great place to meet people and have 'conversations'. I hope you
find some comfort in being here.

 

[Em in Ohio]

I am a 75 year old retired woman. I live alone except for my cat, Charlie. At the moment, he is my bestie. I tell him everything and he listens. But I do so wish for human companionship. Now here's a problem that I encounter--too frequently. In speaking with others similar to me in age, living alone, I often hear. "I'm very happy living alone." "I have many friends." From married women: "You should just put yourself out there. Join clubs do charity work..." Does any of this sound familiar to you and are you half-disbelieving of these responses? Do you get the same advice, over and over from people who hardly know you? If so, how do you respond? I look forward to discussing this with any if you, female or male, any age. Thanks.

My response is: "Not interested." I have one female friend and one great family next door that is willing to share their dog with me. In another post that I read today, I found this image. View attachment 143613 It reminded me of a line from a TV show that hit home with me: "(I'm) content, satisfied, and in control - but, am (I) happy?" While I have persevered through these trying times (I'm making it) and the first three attributes definitely apply to me, I have to admit that I've lost that feeling of happiness. But, I recently discovered Google Duo - a way to see the person on my laptop as we talk. I missed faces! This is helping with my feeling of isolation. We have to find joy where we can, I guess. This group is a good distraction with good people. I hope you stay! BTW, I'm pushing 71.

 

[Pepper]

Hey, where'd she go? I'm about to have my third cup of coffee!

 

[Pink Biz]

 

[officerripley]

 

[funsearcher!]

I moved away from my one friend. I still visit her on the phone each week. Because of the virus it will take some time to meet new people here in my new community. For now I continue to call old friends and relatives each week.

 

[Tish]

Heard it all before and my response is usually "Not interested".

 

[Kathleen’s Place]

I would have an answer for them, but 100% would probably find it offensive and start hyperventilating I am closer to 74 than I am 73, live with my wonderful husband, and cat Boo, and still hunger for human companionship. With covid, this forum is my life line. What a great bunch of people. Most of them make me laugh on a daily basis, and I do so love to laugh! I think you will love it here as well. You don’t sound like a slouch and I imagine you are very capable of making friends on your own, when you darn well feel like. I’m sure these are well meaning suggestions by some lovely people, so if they don’t catch the drift when you let out a heavy sigh and roll your eyes, just smile and say, “what a wonderful idea, I had never heard that before! Charlie, don’t you think that’s a wonderful idea????”

 

[SeaBreeze]

 

[MickaC]

@@Kandinsky fan......WELCOME to SF.....Is a great place for sharing, caring, and lots of support. How ever you feel about letting those into your life, your heart, your mind, making sure that decision is what's right for you. No one can tell you what to do, we all wear different size shoes....we have to make our own fit. Get comfy....ENJOY your time here.

 

[mellowyellow]

Kandinsky fan, I dread the thought of living alone after being married for so long, it worries me already and it hasn’t even happened yet. Being told that I should get out more, volunteer, join a club, and just get on with it, would really annoy me no end. My dad told me once the trick was to learn to be happy in own company – sounds good - but to live alone and be happy about it is for stronger-minded people than me. I had to look up Kandinsky, apparently he was a Russian painter and art theorist and is generally credited as the pioneer of abstract art.

 

[Kathleen’s Place]

Kandinsky fan, I dread the thought of living alone after being married for so long, it worries me already and it hasn’t even happened yet. Being told that I should get out more, volunteer, join a club, and just get on with it, would really annoy me no end. My dad told me once the trick was to learn to be happy in own company – sounds good - but to live alone and be happy about it is for stronger-minded people than me. I had to look up Kandinsky, apparently he was a Russian painter and art theorist and is generally credited as the pioneer of abstract art.

Well than you for that, mellow! I was just about to look up kandinsky myself and now I don’t have to! . I WILL go and look up some of his paintings however. Have a good night!

 

[Kathleen’s Place]

Wow...Kandinsky was quiet the interesting artist. I loved his earlier stuff, and then like all of the sudden (it seems) went into abstract. The short piece I read about him didn’t explain why, but I find that interesting. I’m not much into abstract, but it was that which apparently made him famous. I’ll have to look into this some more unless KANDINSKY FAN wants to give me the readers digest version! . Thanks again for joining us KANDINSKY FAN...you’ve made me more knowledgeable than I was yesterday ❤

 

[Kathleen’s Place]

Hi Kandisky fan,welcome glad you found us
I'm younger than you{68}I've lived my adult life alone prefer it that way.
I've made close friendships over the yrs ,one couple in particular,Marcia&husband Dave &their 2 sons are my 'Buffalo family'{they live 2 blocks away from my apt} since my siblings live elsewhere.I'm alone but would see some of my friends a couple times/month.This all ended when COVID started,I see or talk to Marcia&Dave once/wk,though I can't hug them.Its the 1 thing I hate about this virus,not able to hug anybody
You'll meet wonderful group of members here at SF from around the world
Enjoy yourself
Sue in Buffalo,NY

I miss the hugging part too...esp with the grandkids. It just feels “wrong.”

 

[hollydolly]

Kandinsky fan, I dread the thought of living alone after being married for so long, it worries me already and it hasn’t even happened yet. Being told that I should get out more, volunteer, join a club, and just get on with it, would really annoy me no end. My dad told me once the trick was to learn to be happy in own company – sounds good - but to live alone and be happy about it is for stronger-minded people than me. I had to look up Kandinsky, apparently he was a Russian painter and art theorist and is generally credited as the pioneer of abstract art.

@mellowyellow , love your new avatar good to meet you..

 

[katlupe]

Welcome Kandinsky fan!

 

[officerripley]

Kandinsky fan, I dread the thought of living alone after being married for so long, it worries me already and it hasn’t even happened yet. Being told that I should get out more, volunteer, join a club, and just get on with it, would really annoy me no end. My dad told me once the trick was to learn to be happy in own company – sounds good - but to live alone and be happy about it is for stronger-minded people than me. I had to look up Kandinsky, apparently he was a Russian painter and art theorist and is generally credited as the pioneer of abstract art.

Same here for me as your first 2 sentences, Mellow. I'd love to live somewhere where there were neighbors close enough to actually talk to, not just wave at (if that) from a distance and I wish we could live somewhere like that now, but my husband refuses. So I worry too about when/if the day comes I'm alone so I know how you feel, hugs.