Shocking news

Kadee

Well-known Member
Location
Australia
We had a phone call last night from a dear friends sister saying our friend had visited her doctor because of bad heartburn ,her dr must have suspected something was up because he ordered a urgent endoscopy this was just a month ago ..
Our friend was found to have cancer of the stomach that’s not able or not worth operating on due to her condition.

We was very shocked to hear the news of our friends condition she has about a month to live
He husband died suddenly about two years ago at 69, Pat is 72 now They we’re both fairly fit active people

Now I want advice do I phone our friend? I’m so shocked I don’t really know what to say if I phone her.

She’s in hospital until she passes ,she lives in Queensland approx 3000 km from me

I’m trying to think of happy times we spent together traveling around Australia in our caravan in 2004 .2005
We met them in 2004 at a free camp spot in Western Aust ( we spent almost 12 months together ) we have stayed in touch and also visited one another in our caravans on two occasions in the years since we decided to get another home built in South Aust
Life is cruel as we age loosing our dear friends it just not fair
 

Sorry if I sound unsympathetic, but this lady is 72, a good age to get to. Death comes to all of us and her time on this earth has come to an end. I just hope she doesn't suffer too much.
 
How often have you talked to this friend, in recent years? If the time intervals were very frequent, then you might want to call her and simply have a conversation, to start, about whatever you usually have talked about, in the past. I would imagine that laying around in hospital, waiting to die, might get boring. A break in the tedium would, most likely, be appreciated. You could let the friend dictate where the conversation goes. I would not call specifically to say goodbye, especially if this friend is someone whom you actually haven't talked to in a good while. I'd let things be. I agree with the poster, above, who sees your friend's seventy-two years as a good lifespan.
 

It's always difficult to have those kinds of conversations, when someone is ill and the outcome is terminal or doubtful. What do you say? How do you act? It can be really uncomfortable. I would fumble around, not sure what to talk about if I called, but feeling guilty for not calling.

I've found an approach that works for me. I just call and say that I heard about the person's illness (I don't mention the terminal aspect of it) and ask them if there's anything they need or anything I can do for them. I make sure they understand it's not a social offer, that I'm sincere and want to help. If they want to talk, about anything, I let them and simply listen. If they actually do have a need that I can help them with, I make sure to follow through and do what I can.

It's not much, but I feel better knowing I reached out, whether I can do anything or not.
 
It's always difficult to have those kinds of conversations, when someone is ill and the outcome is terminal or doubtful. What do you say? How do you act? It can be really uncomfortable. I would fumble around, not sure what to talk about if I called, but feeling guilty for not calling.

I've found an approach that works for me. I just call and say that I heard about the person's illness (I don't mention the terminal aspect of it) and ask them if there's anything they need or anything I can do for them. I make sure they understand it's not a social offer, that I'm sincere and want to help. If they want to talk, about anything, I let them and simply listen. If they actually do have a need that I can help them with, I make sure to follow through and do what I can.

It's not much, but I feel better knowing I reached out, whether I can do anything or not.

Ronni, that sounds like a very good way to handle the situation.
 
So sad. :( Ronnie's advice is excellent. Since you're so far away, you may not be able to help in person, but there are still ways to show you care. Cards, flowers and gift cards to help her family with expenses.
 
Sorry if I sound unsympathetic, but this lady is 72, a good age to get to. Death comes to all of us and her time on this earth has come to an end. I just hope she doesn't suffer too much.
WTH difference does her age make??!! I wouldn't give a damn if she was 97 (the age my mother lived to). Kadee asked how to handle this news she just found out about her friend that has saddened her. I'd say your reply is insensitive. BTW...I'm 72 also and healthier and more active than I've ever been. Kadee I think Ronni gave good advice as long as you're able to get to your friend. If not, then a phone call might just be a welcomed distraction.
 
Thank you Diva

Age is irrelevant IMO I’m 73 I dance ( ballroom ) twice a week and I’m along with my husband one of the youngest ones at the dance the oldest is a married couple who are 95 and 96 and still dancing very well


My friend I’ve mentioned is like a sister to me , ( most of us care for our close friends ) her and her hubby did quite a bit of walking /hiking / climbing mountains
Jack ( Pats late husband ) died two days after being told by the dr
he had 20 years left in him he was so fit ..he sudden death was put down as being caused by cholesterol tablets

I sent a text to Pat as I was told by her sister she had her phone with her ..she sent a message back this morning .My message simply said ....Thinking of you dear friend ....She replied ...Thank you for caring
Ill think about sending another telling her I’d love to call her if she feels up to chatting for a short while

We used to call one another about every 3 months or so and neither of us ever forgot each other’s birthdays

 
I'm very sorry to hear the sad news about your friend Kadee. :( I'm glad you decided to send her a message and she responded. I hope you can speak with her some more soon, I think she would appreciate that very much...hugs.
 
Thanks for replies it one of those things you don’t know if you should be phoning someone who is so ill
I have to say I / we have a closer relationship with our close friends that we do with family it one of those things in life at least we can pick our friends .
We had some wonderful times together camping in areas where it was forbidden naughty us ..sitting out under the stars in the middle of nowhere with a torch playing spot the satellite silly games .
This is one place we camped at the base of
https://www.westernaustralia.com/en/Attraction/Wave_Rock/56b266fb7b935fbe730e63bc#/
 
Kadee, this can be a difficult time, both for the person who is ill, and for those around them. I had a friend who knew she was terminally ill. She was on my outer circle of friends, so we setre not really close, but saw each other often as I was friends with her daughter, who lived with her. I had to help the daughter deal with a lot of her emotions. Sometimes we all just sat and talked, or just sat together. On the last day I saw her, a couple days before she passed, I saw she was in discomfort, and tired. But she was upset that she was unable to finish cleaning up after making a small lunch. So, without being asked, I washed up the dishes and put them away. Then she asked if I would get her some water.
My friend's daughter has a disability, and the last thing she said was "watch out for Kim for me". It IS hard.
 
Thanks Marie
I’m going to phone Pat’s sister later today she is the one who contacted me

In a sense I’d love to go up.and see Pat .but in another my heart says no ..she was happy smiling waving us goodbye the last time I seen her as her and Jack as they drove out of our under cover area where our van is stored ( we parked our van in the next door neighbours while Pat & Jack used the area )
They were both so happy and sad at the same time after spending weeks with us ,Jack passed away suddenly a couple of months latter
 
.

One of my friends who lived quite a distance away suddenly found out he had end stage lung cancer [he was a heavy smoker.] He also only had months to live. We emailed and/or spoke over the phone every day. He was mentally alert until the end even when he was in hospice taking strong pain meds. His last email to me was sent the hour he passed. He was only 65 [we were both born the same year.]
 


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