Should you text before calling? Phone etiquette expert explains the new rules

BritishTelecom is ditching a pledge to ensure phone users aged over 70 can keep their landlines and will not be forced on to controversial new digital lines for 12 months - and is signing them up straight away.

The telecoms giant was made to shelve its initial rollout last year after an investigation by our sister newspaper The Mail on Sunday alerted the industry watchdog Ofcom to operational flaws, including how customers cannot use their phone lines in a power cut.

It was only restarted after an advisory group agreed to allow elderly homeowners the chance to delay installation by 12 months so they could get to grips with the new technology and not feel forced by the move.


But it now feels tricked - as after agreeing to the deal BT is quietly raising the age from when you can delay installation to 75.
Although BT is alerting homes of the change - with cards and letters sent through the post, emails and texts - it is leaving it up to customers to put it on hold.

The new digital phones must be plugged into an electric socket and require a broadband connection to work - using so-called Voice Over Internet Protocol (VoIP) technology rather than analogue signals on copper lines.

Six million adults do not own a mobile phone and 1.5 million homes do not use the internet.

Digital Voice requires customers to use a new handset - or adapter for old phones - that plugs into an internet and electricity socket.

If you do not use the internet, BT says it will send out engineers to adapt phone lines for free - and provide a new digital handset and adapter for free.

BT charges £85 for power-pack batteries for those who fear they may be stuck in a power cut - but for vulnerable customers it should provide these for free. Phone users should not notice a change in sound quality.

Over the next two years BT wants to switch 10 million customers to digital. Nationwide, the Government wants all 29 million homes to embrace digital technology.


BT announces regional rollout plans for digital landline switchover

Fortunately this doesn't affect me...
Our landline comes over the same fiber optic line as internet. In order to insure that the landline is up during a power outage, I have to pay rent for a UPS(backup power supply). Personally I value my cellular service much more than the 150 yr. old landline technology.
 

So what is the protocol?

Should one text something like "I will phone you at 5 PM, 3 hours from now. Is that ok?"
I might text and ask what time is it ok for me to phone for a chat.
I always make a proper arrangement with my friends, people are busy. Just like if I want to visit I ask if a certain time and date is convenient.
 

My folks weren't bashful. They'd take the phone off the hook or unplug it from the wall. :LOL:
Oh when I was young you couldn't unplug a phone from the wall.. that didn't happen until the 80's... and if we took the receiver off the cradle, the operator would send an ever increasing loud siren type sound down the line so we had to replace the cradle
 
If our phone rings during dinner we just let it ring, then check later to see if anyone left a message. I rarely answer the phone when it rings because I can't get to it in time, so I just check for messages a few times a day. The family knows if it's an emergency to call twice in a row.

I would be so irritated if someone sent me a text asking for a specific time to call me so that I would have that hanging over my head all day like a dentist appointment. Just call, leave a message, I'll call you back at my convenience.
 
Nowadays I have my mobile phone next to me most of the time... so even if I'm eating I can see whose calling and decide whether to answer. if I'm expecting a call on my landline, I just take the cordless handset with me wherever I go. It's got a range of 50 metres so I can even go up the garden with it..
 
My landline says who is calling. If there’s no id associated, it announces the number. If it’s my phone provider and it’s dinner time, heaven help them when they hear what I have to say to them. Actually, I only tear a strip off them when they’ve tried this three days in a row.
 
I think if you want or need to talk to the person for a much longer time than normal, then a text would be considerate. Perhaps give the person a head’s up on what the long conversation is about
 
I still don't understand why a voicemail is considered more intrusive than a text. Is reading that much easier than listening? I pick-up my landline a few times a day and if there is a voicemail I get a beep beep sound. If I want to listen to them I push the number and hear them. It's never a telemarketer, they don't bother to leave messages. It's usually the library saying a book I ordered is in or a friend saying hello. Why wouldn't you want to hear those?

On the other hand I see people out to lunch with their phone next to their plate, their eyes constantly checking for texts, sometimes texting back. They are never completely focused on the person they're with. How is that good manners?
 
Sending us a text - forget it. We keep our mobiles switched off unless we want to use them. As for the landline, it has caller ID display so if we don't want to answer a call, we cancel it.

I was unable to phone my daughter yesterday afternoon - call not being answered. It turned out that BT had disconnected the landline and switched it to VOIP (voice over internet protocol) and plugged the phone into the internet hub. Trouble is that the internet then went down, so she couldn't phone or send an email. Later she phoned to say that she couldn't call because her mobile needed charged, but after re-booting the hub she managed to get the phone working. I must admit the sound quality was good, but daughter says that she'll probably scrap the landline and just use her mobile.

Here in rural Scotland we don't get the trillion megabytes that Londoners enjoy. Sending a letter is probably faster than the internet and nobody cares about providing fibre to remote communities. This is why I rely on a 4G mobile signal , but if there is a power cut, it usually takes out the mobile mast!
 
Last spring I received an email from a girl I dated in college wondering if I ever got married. I never had this email address while in college so I asked her how she was able get my email address. She told me she found it on the dark web. I guess if you know how to navigate through the dark web a person could find it. I think someone gave it to her, but only a few people have it.

Has anyone else had such an experience?
 
Last spring I received an email from a girl I dated in college wondering if I ever got married. I never had this email address while in college so I asked her how she was able get my email address. She told me she found it on the dark web. I guess if you know how to navigate through the dark web a person could find it. I think someone gave it to her, but only a few people have it.

Has anyone else had such an experience?
I hope you were careful, that is a rather sinister contact from your former girlfriend. To go to that much trouble to find you.
I would just reply yes, happily married, then leave it. Or do not reply. You never know what state of mind a person may be in, she is after all a stranger now. You do not want a stalker.
 
And do not EVER text and drive
Speech to text through the car bluetooth is ok....its just like talking to them.
It goes something like this;
The car tells me I have a text
It tells me the text (not in words, but voice)
Asks me if I want to respond
If I say yes, I tell it what to say and it sends it.
If no, it does nothing.
All hands free, no reading phone screen.
 
Last spring I received an email from a girl I dated in college wondering if I ever got married. I never had this email address while in college so I asked her how she was able get my email address. She told me she found it on the dark web. I guess if you know how to navigate through the dark web a person could find it. I think someone gave it to her, but only a few people have it.

Has anyone else had such an experience?
Wow. I would love to hear from someone i went to college with. I think it's great that she remembers you after all this time.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 911
Read the OP's linked article. Too much black and white thinking though true in most situations especially in business and work places while not in others. For instance, sometimes leaving a voice mail is set up by those receiving an unanswered call while the caller doesn't have their phone app set up to send a text and maybe doesn't even know how to do so. Many phone apps today have so many features for advanced users that simple users tend to just use default setups.

Other times the receiving person may be someone known to infrequently read their text messages so the only way to communicate is to have them pick up upon ringing or if they are voice mail oriented leave such.

Another situation is when the person being called tends to instead use their Recents phone history and can read phone numbers of recent calls. A person at a work place might see a dozen text messages left but in Recents see their wife called without leaving any message. The husband would expect the call wasn't an emergency since she didn't call back but that he'd just need to find time to call back when able, maybe to stop at a supermarket on his way home for some items.

With more thought, could probably think of other situations. Point being, consider a situation using common sense. Years ago, university types began teaching professional people in black and white ways to never send anything but short emails. Suddenly as someone using such early era email tools for years, I was occasionally getting push back by others.

What was really going on is managers especially in larger corporations were increasingly receiving so many daily emails that it was taking too much time for them to review them each morning. So they didn't want to be seeing anything but short summarized one liner text emails lists they could quickly address. But that was again a black and white response to a wide variety of situations.

My solution was to start sending only shorter emails but with txt file attachments for longer explanations and information. After the other person reads whatever, they may then talk one on one without wasting time being tangled up in difficult explanations. Sometimes the best way to communicate complex ideas especially in technical work places, is to write information out clearly instead of trying to explain whatever verbally face to face. In fact some people, especially those with English a second language, may have trouble clearly verbally communicating.

So just as with the phone etiquette link, one ought not fully buy into such narrow thinking by late era etiquette authorities.
 
Last edited:
If someone calls me and I miss it.....I will text the person to see if they still want to talk.
Or, at least let them know I'm available to talk.

I don't do that w/everybody, just certain friends.
 


Back
Top