Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

L

Lon

Well-known Member
Location
Central California
Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda
I have observed recently that there seems to be many people that live their lives not as what has, is, or will happen, but should have, could have or would have happened.
We can't change what has already happened and there are things that are presently happening and that will occur in the future that we absolutely have no control over and cannot change. Do you accept that or spend a disproportionate amount of time worrying about it?
 

Time spent dwelling on the past, regretting things we should have done better, is wasted time, IMO. Our precious moments that we live today are soon to be our past tomorrow. I think more people would benefit from making the most of their time in the present, and appreciate each day...without too much worry about tomorrow, or rehashing regrets from the past.
 
First of all, I agree that it’s unhealthy to wallow in the past.

OTOH, “That was in the past” is often a way for people to avoid responsibility the wrongdoing. Keeping in mind that “the past” can be five minutes ago or 50 yrs ago, people often need to be held accountable.

Should murderers, rapists, child molesters, kidnappers, burglars, con artists, and drug dealers just be let off because what they did was “in the past”? I don’t think so.

If someone compiles a mountain of debt, should it be written off because it was “in the past”? Um, no.

Should we tell Holocaust survivors to shutup already because all that was “in the past”?

Of course there are limits. If I have a good relationship with someone and they make a thoughtless remark that offends/hurts me, should I cry in my pillow about it and cut them out of my life? No, I need to get past it and move on (especially if they apologize).
 
You can't go back!!! It's nothing unusual to have my contractors screw things up. Doesn't do me any good to get mad. The first order of business is to look for solutions as to how things can be made right. I don't dwell on what they did wrong, if they will work with me on an equitable solution. If they won't, I just don't authorize payment. If they don't get paid, that usually gets their attention and they are much more ameanable to making things right.

Life is sorta that way. You don't get "do-overs". There's nobody perfect. If you make a mistake, look for ways to repair the damage rather than dwelling on the error.
 
I understand and agree with what Grumpy is saying. I really do.

But let's not forget something:

“The past” can teach us valuable life lessons.

Burned my hand when I touched that hot stove….better not do that again.
Partied all night instead of studying for exam and got an “F”. hmmm.
Didn’t bother to get car insurance, and had an accident. Uh oh.
Pet a couple of strange dogs and they bit me. Ouch!
Went into Nordstrom, grabbed a few things and ran out without paying……told Security “That was in the past”.

The sad fact is that pain suffered in the past can affect our lives immensely. Should we do away with therapists and tell people to just 'get over it'? May be easy for some, but not for everyone.
 
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