Single Seniors - Are You Happier Being Single than Married?

SeaBreeze

Endlessly Groovin'
Location
USA
Are there any single seniors here that are happier than when they were married? Are you content to live alone and stay that way for the rest of your life? Those who never married, do you think that marrying someone would make you happier?

I've been married for a long time now, almost thirty nine years, and we lived together before that. I'm happy in my marriage, but if anything happened to my husband, I think I would rather be single and on my own. I doubt I'd have the desire for another serious relationship at all with another man.
 

Glinda

Well-known member
Yes, I am much happier single. I've been in a long term relationship for several years with a wonderful man. We spend weekends together and travel together but don't live together. I have no urge or ambition to marry him. I like everything just fine the way it is.
 

Shalimar

Well-known member
I never married, but had two long term live-in relationships, one with the father of my son. I have lived alone by choice for a long time, but there were lovers, on occasion. Still could be again. Marriage? I don't know, perhaps if I loved him enough, and that commitment was paramount to him, or we were of different nationalities and needed the paper for that reason.
 

AprilT

New member
I married once, been nearly married a couple of times since, I did break off an engagement two decades ago, I am happy with my status, my last relationship ended over two years ago, because, he wanted to take things to the next level and I didn't feel the same about him in that way, same with the one prior, not to say, I wouldn't be more with someone I felt a real deep connection, I just wasn't feeling a need to combine households with either men, nor marry.

To be honest, the only thing I miss is the sex, not the stay overs, I'm still friends with them both, one there never anything beyond kissing anyway,, I've known one for more than 10 years the other nearing 8. Can't say I miss the friendship since I'm still friendly with both, I could call either of them and have long chats any time, problem is my last guy, won't come over unless I agree we're going to be a couple again and why should I lead him to believe we can be anything more than just friends. I care for him and if he needed me for anything, I would be there for him, I just don't love him in that way that makes me long for him when he's not around. He and I are such opposites, but, for some reason, he always gives this speech about how much alike we are, we're nothing alike. I admit, I do miss him sometimes, if only he wouldn't push that love nonsense. Sigh.

Do I get lonely, sometimes, but not for a romantic relationship, maybe a hug here and there and mostly for my platonic friends and family, but, every time I've tried doing the romance thing, it just never seems to work anymore, I have little patience for the whole dance of it all.

And before anyone jumps all over this, I'm not afraid of commitment, I'm just sure of what I don't want and am not desperate to be in a relationship with someone, I know for sure I will regret being in it with. Plus I'm a grouch, I would have to be pleasant, and share the bathroom. ack!
 

Although I am not technically single (because my wife persists mute and immobile in a nursing home) I am experiencing living alone for the first time almost sixty years and I have been startled by the difference that truly being alone makes. I haven't entirely come to terms with it yet. I miss the fact that before I was always present in someones consciousness, I was in effect performing. Now there's no audience and it feels very different.
 

AprilT

New member
April, you need a man with his own place--two bathrooms, meet there, leave your own place pristine!
Every man I know has his own place, can afford a house, one wanted to move to my area buy a house for us to live together, that's never been the issue. The good thing, my last guy lives 3-4 hour drive away, otherwise it would have been a nightmare. Plus, I don't drive, though he'd fly me or pay for me to travel to him.
 

Cookie

New member
Location
Ontario
I think I'm generally a happy person, regardless of marital status. If I was in a miserable marriage, I'd change it or get out, but since I am not, then I am happy.
 

ndynt

New member
Location
NE Florida
After being widowed, then divorced....I have remained alone for over 26 years. Now that I am having more difficulty remaining independent, I question whether I should have thought about either having a relationship or remarrying.
 

Lon

Well-known member
I am single now and have adjusted to it since my divorce. Although I enjoyed both marriages and was actually happier than being single I have no intention of getting into a serious relationship.
 

hollydolly

Well-known member
Location
London England
After being widowed, then divorced....I have remained alone for over 26 years. Now that I am having more difficulty remaining independent, I question whether I should have thought about either having a relationship or remarrying.
Yep that would be a concern I can understand that totally ND , particualrly if you have no close family who can be relied upon if you need some help ..
 

Temperance

New member
My late husband and I were married for 34 years and lived together 3 years before that. Miss terribly the closeness we had. In loss you not only lose your love, but also your best friend.
The past few years have been such a learning experience for me. Would I remarry? Learned along time never say never.
At the moment pretty content with my life as is.
 

AprilT

New member
Something weird happened the yesterday, a lady that I haven't a clue as to who the heck she is, sent a friend request to me on facebook, before I could decide if I want to accept that request, I messaged her to find out if we in some way actually knew each other. This was the conversation. I thought it was rather odd and thought, could I be so jaded that now when people do a search, for cynical, there's a picture of me with my name listed. :lofl:

For the record, I love seeing people happy together, married or not, I highly approve of marriage and all things love.

=================================================================================



Me.......You sent a friend request to me, I appreciate it, but, do I know you from somewhere?


From person who sent friend request.......No probably not. I think your name showed up when I searched perils pearl and or cynical case? ?

Me.......That's about the funniest thing, I've heard, I haven't any idea, who any of those people are, but, I could see why my name might get associated with them. Now I'm really curious and I've got some detective work to do to uncover this mystery. LOL
 

Debby

New member
If my husband leaves before I do, I'll never remarry. The whole 'dating' thing fills me with horror.

And April, that is a weird 'search' and result! And that this total stranger would send you a friend request is bizarre. Like why would she do that?
 

Debby

New member
After being widowed, then divorced....I have remained alone for over 26 years. Now that I am having more difficulty remaining independent, I question whether I should have thought about either having a relationship or remarrying.

But even if you're married there's a pretty good chance you'll wind up alone anyway and in the meantime.....the question is, have you found some form of happiness these 26 years?
 

AprilT

New member
If my husband leaves before I do, I'll never remarry. The whole 'dating' thing fills me with horror.

And April, that is a weird 'search' and result! And that this total stranger would send you a friend request is bizarre. Like why would she do that?
I thought it was odd as well, Maybe she thought I was some how connected to the game or series she was looking up. It's some kind of woman detective game or something and how my name came up in the search is beyond me. I just thought the cynical part of the search though, was hilarious, especially thinking back to this thread, which is why I posted it here, thought maybe someone would get a kick out of it, but, maybe it's just me that thought it was funny and still do think so. :D
 

Cookie

New member
Location
Ontario
I don't believe that marriage is a guarantee of happiness, any more than being rich is. It's just a different lifestyle. Why do single people have to 'prove' that they are 'happy' and have to explain or justify not having a partner, as if it's some kind of disease or aberration?

I've met some very smug married people yet I don't for a minute believe, as they would like us to, that they are happier than single people are, although granted there are many happily married couples. People are just people living in different situations and circumstances. I think the whole married good vs. unmarried bad mentality is just a remnant leftover from the days when women had no rights.
 
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ndynt

New member
Location
NE Florida
But even if you're married there's a pretty good chance you'll wind up alone anyway and in the meantime.....the question is, have you found some form of happiness these 26 years?
That is really difficult to answer. Not happy, yet not unhappy. Content, is probably a better choice of words, in contrast to very unhappy when married.
 

AprilT

New member
Cripes Shalimar, you make us out as being worse than the family dog. . ."Honey go out and pee in the backyard will you"
Really, there's no need for it to be an insult, frankly my ex, was way neater than me, if anything, it was me he needed to worry abut leaving stains. Woof, woof. Plus, he had someone who came to clean his place and I guarantee you, that habit would continue if we moved in together, it was just that he took as long in the bathroom as I did. But really, it was just a joke about sharing the bathroom. None of it is all that serious to me.

I agree with Cookie, a long marriage isn't a guarantee that everyone in it has been happy or is happy ever was all that happy by the union, some stay for convenience, or not to end up in financial ruin others stay because they adore each other or see no reason for an alternative make due and sacrifices for religious reasons or just love the one they're with and wouldn't be anywhere but with the person their with, just as some singles are perfectly happy, content, ecstatic and wouldn't have it any other way or perfectly miserable and envious and sad that they aren't joined at the hip and snuggled up with someone every night or vice versa from the married wishing to make the rounds instead. But, married or not, there's no guarantees either way and no way to know who is living a fulfilled life, just by reading words on a message board, we only know what people say, true or not and take them at their word as far as that can take us and leave it at.
 
I always thought that married seniors could count on one another through thick and thin and that this was a major benefit of the married state. I see now that this hasn't always been the case for many of you and that's very disturbing. After many years together this person, your spouse, has given you a significant portion of his or her life, and for that a significant obligation is owed and it is ignoble not to honor this debt.
 


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