Small white lies and insincerity----okay?

V

Victor

Senior Member
Location
midwest USA
as I get older I have less tolerance for
l white lies and people who say things they do not mean, just
to be nice. For example, phone lies. I have a friend who is
always saying that he did not get my calls. I am sure he did, so he doesn't have to call back.
Or people who say they are too busy. I get that A LOT. People who promise to do
something, then don't follow through, usually acquaintances.

Does this stuff bother you? Or am I over reacting? If we exclude them from
our lives, we will be less social, more solitary.
 

Victor said:
as I get older I have less tolerance for
l white lies and people who say things they do not mean, just
to be nice. For example, phone lies. I have a friend who is
always saying that he did not get my calls. I am sure he did, so he doesn't have to call back.
Or people who say they are too busy. I get that A LOT. People who promise to do
something, then don't follow through, usually acquaintances.

Does this stuff bother you? Or am I over reacting? If we exclude them from
our lives, we will be less social, more solitary.
Click to expand...

In this situation will the outcome be any different if they tell you the truth.

IMO we should take the hint and accept the fact that people just aren't interested.
 

They just say those lies not to hurt your feelings, like Bea said we usually just take the hint and leave them alone. Either way they will not be making any efforts to call or visit you. If you can get out, maybe you can join a social group or senior center and meet folks that you may have something in common with. Much nicer to spend time with someone who is willing to be your friend, good luck.
 
I see nothing wrong with the right kind of "white lie", i.e. someone who just cut off her long hair into a pixie cut, spiked it and dyed it green asks "How do you like my hair?" My answer would be, "Very nice!" or something to that effect. Even though I'm thinking, "Fine, if you're going for the circus clown look" but there would be nothing gained by speaking my mind. The deed is done, the person obviously likes it and who am I to kill her buzz? There are times when honest is not called for.
 
I agree; little white lies (meant to be kind) are no problem at all. I also agree with Aunt Bea that you need to take the hint.
 
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I agree they're are "little white lies"

If you say you like someones new hair cut and really don't..

And then there's those "little white lies"..about not getting your calls..

That's not a "little white lie" in my book (and it's a novel)...That's them trying to avoid you and covering it up to feel better about themselves by trying to make you believe their lie.

Why can't people just be honest....We'd all be better off.....

And pray tell... why do they believe that they are fooling anybody?

Liars, cheaters , and thieves....OH MY
 
jujube said:
I see nothing wrong with the right kind of "white lie", i.e. someone who just cut off her long hair into a pixie cut, spiked it and dyed it green asks "How do you like my hair?" My answer would be, "Very nice!" or something to that effect. Even though I'm thinking, "Fine, if you're going for the circus clown look" but there would be nothing gained by speaking my mind. The deed is done, the person obviously likes it and who am I to kill her buzz? There are times when honest is not called for.
Click to expand...

Reminds me of a poster of mine


YnCnFZx.jpg
 
What bothers me is them telling me these lies and then they act as if I am so dumb that I will believe them.
 
think white lies can be a form of over exaggerating the convo with a person -not meaning to lie but can become a habit in talking ……….we have all lied in our life' dont say u haven't coz that would be a white lie lol...…...but yes I do agree white lies are small as we see them but like all things they can grow bigger ' not everyone means to ...
 
He has been making these stupid excuses for many years.
Can he really think that I believe him? If I called him on it, he
would be very angry and defensive. He mainly wants to talk when
and where it is convenient for him at the best possible time.
And then he will talk for 2 hours or more.

Its not easy to know when someone is sincere
and when they are merely being "nice". Usually the latter.
 
Victor, my question to you has to be... if this has been going on for many years, why do you persist? Dump the guy and get on with your life; he's obviously an annoyance to you.
 
We have been friends a long time and I have hardly anyone
I talk to nowadays. He helped me through 2 personal crises, including
a death in the family and many smaller problems. He loves to talk and is
interesting with conversation. But lately, unreliable and insincere. I saw the
handwriting on the wall years ago.
 
Do you tell people the truth, or say what they want to hear? In your case, Victor, I think people are trying to tell you, nicely, that they don't want to spend time with you. Find yourself other friends, who DO want to spend time with you.
 
Rosemarie said:
Do you tell people the truth, or say what they want to hear? In your case, Victor, I think people are trying to tell you, nicely, that they don't want to spend time with you. Find yourself other friends, who DO want to spend time with you.
Click to expand...

Actually, he invited me to his home in March for a private celebration and I did not go
for reasons I won't mention. We used to get together twice a year with his family then once a year
until I retired and had big personal problems. I just think he is tired of
hearing about my problems and I don't blame anyone for that. I've a very stressful time since retiring.

In all personal relationships and marriages, I think there comes a point of diminishing returns
wherein one expects less and less from it and we do not wish to invest more in the rel'ship. It either
coasts along with waves or it eventually ends. It is not easy to know the point of diminishing returns.
If this was a stock, I would be "selling" most of it, not buying more.
 

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