So you want to move to Florida. Not written by me.

Pappy

Living the Dream
Years ago, my wife and I moved into a retirement development on Florida 's southeast coast. We are living in the "Delray/ Boca /Boynton Golf, Spa, Bath and Tennis Club on Lake Fake-a-Hachee". There are 3,000 lakes in Florida; only three are real.

Our biggest retirement concern was time management. What were we going to do all day? No longer. Let me assure you, passing the time is not a problem.

Our days are eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of our car takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where we parked takes 20 minutes. It takes a half-hour in the check-out line in Wal-Mart, and 1 hour to return the item the next day.

Let me take you through a typical day: We get up at 5:00 am, have a quick breakfast and join the early morning Walk-and-Fart Club. There are about 30 of us, and rain or shine, we walk around the streets, all talking at once. Every development has some late risers who stay in bed until 6:00 am. After a nimble walk, avoiding irate drivers out to make us road kill, we go back home, shower and change for the next activity.

My wife goes directly to the pool for her underwater Pilates class, followed by gasping for breath and CPR. I put on my 'Ask me about my Grandchildren' T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my white socks and sandals and go to the clubhouse lobby for a nice nap. Before we know it, it's time for lunch.

We go to Costco to partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by ladies in white hair nets. All free! After a filling lunch, if we don't have any doctor appointments, we might go to the flea market to see if any new white belts have come in or to buy a Rolex watch for $2.00.

We're usually back home by 2:00 pm to get ready for dinner. People start lining up for the early bird about 3:00 pm, but we get there by 3:45 because we're late eaters.

The dinners are very popular because of the large portions they serve. We can take home enough food for the next day's lunch and dinner, including extra bread, crackers, packets of mustard, relish, ketchup and Splenda, along with mints.

At 5:30 pm we're home, ready to watch the 6 o'clock news. By 6:30 pm we're fast asleep. Then we get up and make five or six trips to the bathroom during the night, and it's time to get up and start a new day all over again.

Doctor-related activities eat up most of our retirement time. I enjoy reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the waiting room, so I don't mind.

Calling for test results also helps the days fly by. It takes at least a half-hour just getting through the doctor's phone menu. Then there's the hold time until we're connected to the right party. Sometimes they forget we're holding, and the whole office goes off to lunch

Should we find we still have time on our hands, volunteering provides a rewarding opportunity to help the less fortunate.

Florida has the largest concentration of seniors under five feet and they need our help. I myself am a volunteer for 'The Vertically Challenged Over 80.' I coach their basketball team, The Arthritic Avengers. The hoop is only 4-1/2 feet from the floor. You should see the look of confidence on their faces when they make a slam dunk.

Food shopping is a problem for short seniors, or 'bottom feeders' as we call them, because they can't reach the items on the upper shelves. There are many foods they've never tasted. After shopping, most seniors can't remember where they parked their cars and wander the parking lot for hours while their food defrosts.

Lastly, it's important to choose a development with an impressive name. Italian names are very popular in Florida. They convey world travelers, uppity sophistication and wealth. Where would you rather live: Murray 's Condos or the Lakes of Venice ? There's no difference -- they're both owned by Murray, who happens to be a cheap bastard.

I hope this material has been of help to you future retirees. If I can be of any further assistance, please look me up when you're in Florida. I live in the Leaning Condos of Pisa in Boynton Beach
 

peppermint

Senior Member
Location
East Coast
We use to go to Florida every year...We have friend's there....We have not gone in many years.
We decided to get a cottage in another State....on the East Coast...

I just talked on phone, to my friend of many years....She said it's not the Florida she use to know...But
she is stuck there....She lives alone....
 

Buckeye

Senior Member
Location
Ohio
lol - funny stuff. I lived in central Florida for over 5 years, and would consider moving back. This worst thing (and missing from the OP) was the "love bugs" that swarm your car at traffic lights and stink up your garage when you get home.

Peace and Love to all.
 

IrisSenior

Member
Location
Ontario, Canada
the think the OP's post is a joke. Says it wasn't him that said it anyways.

I have been to Florida a few times but I wouldn't want to live there. The humidity would kill me. We recently went to Las Vegas Nevada (Nov 10) and no I wouldn't want to live there either (unless you are right inside Las Vegas area, the outside area seems bare and depressing). I don't know if there is any areas in the United States that I would want to live at. My area has 4 seasons: some rain, some sun, some storms (not very violent), some snow. There usually are no hurricanes, tornados, no earthquakes, no flooding (or only once in awhile), so humid you can't breathe, so dry you can't breathe, so much snow that my 5 foot body would be buried.
 
I took Pappy's post as humor and had to laugh along with it.

I really have to agree with the names the developers give their projects. First they cut down all the trees, drive off the wildlife, drain the lake, and then they name it after all the things that are gone: "Bluebird Lake Woods Estates". Uh, yeah.....

I lived in the Frozen North for 21 years. Not for me. I lived in an exotic foreign country for 2 1/2 years and loved it. Then we moved to a third-world country (Detroit) for six years (couldn't get out fast enough) and now Central Florida for 42 years. I know all the Florida jokes.
 

C'est Moi

Dishin' it out.
Location
Houston Y'all
Years ago, my wife and I moved into a retirement development on Florida 's southeast coast. We are living in the "Delray/ Boca /Boynton Golf, Spa, Bath and Tennis Club on Lake Fake-a-Hachee". There are 3,000 lakes in Florida; only three are real.

Our biggest retirement concern was time management. What were we going to do all day? No longer. Let me assure you, passing the time is not a problem.

Our days are eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of our car takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where we parked takes 20 minutes. It takes a half-hour in the check-out line in Wal-Mart, and 1 hour to return the item the next day.

Let me take you through a typical day: We get up at 5:00 am, have a quick breakfast and join the early morning Walk-and-Fart Club. There are about 30 of us, and rain or shine, we walk around the streets, all talking at once. Every development has some late risers who stay in bed until 6:00 am. After a nimble walk, avoiding irate drivers out to make us road kill, we go back home, shower and change for the next activity.

My wife goes directly to the pool for her underwater Pilates class, followed by gasping for breath and CPR. I put on my 'Ask me about my Grandchildren' T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my white socks and sandals and go to the clubhouse lobby for a nice nap. Before we know it, it's time for lunch.

We go to Costco to partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by ladies in white hair nets. All free! After a filling lunch, if we don't have any doctor appointments, we might go to the flea market to see if any new white belts have come in or to buy a Rolex watch for $2.00.

We're usually back home by 2:00 pm to get ready for dinner. People start lining up for the early bird about 3:00 pm, but we get there by 3:45 because we're late eaters.

The dinners are very popular because of the large portions they serve. We can take home enough food for the next day's lunch and dinner, including extra bread, crackers, packets of mustard, relish, ketchup and Splenda, along with mints.

At 5:30 pm we're home, ready to watch the 6 o'clock news. By 6:30 pm we're fast asleep. Then we get up and make five or six trips to the bathroom during the night, and it's time to get up and start a new day all over again.

Doctor-related activities eat up most of our retirement time. I enjoy reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the waiting room, so I don't mind.

Calling for test results also helps the days fly by. It takes at least a half-hour just getting through the doctor's phone menu. Then there's the hold time until we're connected to the right party. Sometimes they forget we're holding, and the whole office goes off to lunch

Should we find we still have time on our hands, volunteering provides a rewarding opportunity to help the less fortunate.

Florida has the largest concentration of seniors under five feet and they need our help. I myself am a volunteer for 'The Vertically Challenged Over 80.' I coach their basketball team, The Arthritic Avengers. The hoop is only 4-1/2 feet from the floor. You should see the look of confidence on their faces when they make a slam dunk.

Food shopping is a problem for short seniors, or 'bottom feeders' as we call them, because they can't reach the items on the upper shelves. There are many foods they've never tasted. After shopping, most seniors can't remember where they parked their cars and wander the parking lot for hours while their food defrosts.

Lastly, it's important to choose a development with an impressive name. Italian names are very popular in Florida. They convey world travelers, uppity sophistication and wealth. Where would you rather live: Murray 's Condos or the Lakes of Venice ? There's no difference -- they're both owned by Murray, who happens to be a cheap bastard.

I hope this material has been of help to you future retirees. If I can be of any further assistance, please look me up when you're in Florida. I live in the Leaning Condos of Pisa in Boynton Beach
Haha, this is hilarious, Pappy. Sorry some people totally missed the humor. Thanks for sharing.
 

Pappy

Living the Dream
Original Poster
Years ago, my wife and I moved into a retirement development on Florida 's southeast coast. We are living in the "Delray/ Boca /Boynton Golf, Spa, Bath and Tennis Club on Lake Fake-a-Hachee". There are 3,000 lakes in Florida; only three are real.

Our biggest retirement concern was time management. What were we going to do all day? No longer. Let me assure you, passing the time is not a problem.

Our days are eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of our car takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where we parked takes 20 minutes. It takes a half-hour in the check-out line in Wal-Mart, and 1 hour to return the item the next day.

Let me take you through a typical day: We get up at 5:00 am, have a quick breakfast and join the early morning Walk-and-Fart Club. There are about 30 of us, and rain or shine, we walk around the streets, all talking at once. Every development has some late risers who stay in bed until 6:00 am. After a nimble walk, avoiding irate drivers out to make us road kill, we go back home, shower and change for the next activity.

My wife goes directly to the pool for her underwater Pilates class, followed by gasping for breath and CPR. I put on my 'Ask me about my Grandchildren' T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my white socks and sandals and go to the clubhouse lobby for a nice nap. Before we know it, it's time for lunch.

We go to Costco to partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by ladies in white hair nets. All free! After a filling lunch, if we don't have any doctor appointments, we might go to the flea market to see if any new white belts have come in or to buy a Rolex watch for $2.00.

We're usually back home by 2:00 pm to get ready for dinner. People start lining up for the early bird about 3:00 pm, but we get there by 3:45 because we're late eaters.

The dinners are very popular because of the large portions they serve. We can take home enough food for the next day's lunch and dinner, including extra bread, crackers, packets of mustard, relish, ketchup and Splenda, along with mints.

At 5:30 pm we're home, ready to watch the 6 o'clock news. By 6:30 pm we're fast asleep. Then we get up and make five or six trips to the bathroom during the night, and it's time to get up and start a new day all over again.

Doctor-related activities eat up most of our retirement time. I enjoy reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the waiting room, so I don't mind.

Calling for test results also helps the days fly by. It takes at least a half-hour just getting through the doctor's phone menu. Then there's the hold time until we're connected to the right party. Sometimes they forget we're holding, and the whole office goes off to lunch

Should we find we still have time on our hands, volunteering provides a rewarding opportunity to help the less fortunate.

Florida has the largest concentration of seniors under five feet and they need our help. I myself am a volunteer for 'The Vertically Challenged Over 80.' I coach their basketball team, The Arthritic Avengers. The hoop is only 4-1/2 feet from the floor. You should see the look of confidence on their faces when they make a slam dunk.

Food shopping is a problem for short seniors, or 'bottom feeders' as we call them, because they can't reach the items on the upper shelves. There are many foods they've never tasted. After shopping, most seniors can't remember where they parked their cars and wander the parking lot for hours while their food defrosts.

Lastly, it's important to choose a development with an impressive name. Italian names are very popular in Florida. They convey world travelers, uppity sophistication and wealth. Where would you rather live: Murray 's Condos or the Lakes of Venice ? There's no difference -- they're both owned by Murray, who happens to be a cheap bastard.

I hope this material has been of help to you future retirees. If I can be of any further assistance, please look me up when you're in Florida. I live in the Leaning Condos of Pisa in Boynton Beach
The northbound lanes of both I-95 and I-75 are wide open. Pack up and leave if it does not suit you.
I’m aware of which way I-95 and I-75 run. This was not written by me as stated. I am very happy here in Florida, so if you don’t mind, I’ll stay.
 

Kaila

SF VIP
I thought the funniest part, was how you put the "disclaimer" right into the title,
at the outset @Pappy :ROFLMAO:

That struck me as funny, long before I read any of your original above post, or the others.

As if to say...."Don't blame me!
I didn't write this!"

:LOL:
 

Manatee

Well-known Member
Location
Florida
I have visited 18 countries plus some other places that are not countries, but I keep coming home to Florida.
Not countries: Cayman islands, Martinique, Bermuda and Gibraltar.
Different parts of Florida are different.
 

terry123

Well-known Member
Location
Houston, Tx.
My brother lives in Miami and says it has changed so much since he first moved there. They are planning to move a little further north since his retirement. I love to visit them there as they take us all around the city. I could not afford to live there but its nice to visit!
 
I was thinking maybe Arizona. Nice and dry. Cats like that.
Yes, southern AZ. is dry, but, don't forget the coyote's, they love to snack on small doggies and cats. :( That's the one thing we always have to be on the lookout for whenever we're out there. I Just think of them as the gators of the west. aka (small pet's beware)
I suppose if we were to seek out a near perfect retirement spot, for us it would be San Diego. Having lived there before, I found the climate to be great. I realize that it's crowded and expensive, but, as far as dreaming can take me, that's the spot. Preferably on an upstairs condo balcony overlooking the ocean and yet above the street noise and masses of humanity. Hey, a man can dream, right? :)
 

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