Stepfather has Covid. What am I Going To Tell Him

Oh Remy, I'm so sorry to read all this. I never had a situation as bad as this but just enough with my father to guess how you feel. I eventually set rules for myself (the only person I could control) that included enough daughterly duty to keep me from feeling guilty, but nothing beyond that.

For example, I would probably get things he asked for and drop them off, but not go inside. Take him to appointments if you must. Call and remind him of things like paying bills and taking meds but keep all contact short and sweet -- then go on about your life.

Don't worry about his future problems or what to do with the cat. Take one day at a time.

Don't call your brother. If he calls you, say, "I think it might be time for you to come and take Dad home to live with you." He probably won't call back.
 

Jules said:
The only suggestion I have is that you don’t call your brother and if he calls you, don’t answer. He’s an abuser too.
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I agree. I'm only very, very low contact with my brother. When the stepfather is finally gone, I'm total no contact. He yells at me saying "I need to know!" if something is going on with the stepfather but he does nothing and treats me terribly. He is an abuser. Back in the 90's I offed his foreign wife the money to return home. She turned me down so I had to be done with it. He was verbally abusing her.
 
Lewkat said:
If anyone ever abused me, I'd take a hike so fast and ignore any pleas or calls. No way, ever. I wouldn't care that they brought me up or anything else for that matter. I was not put on earth to become someone's victim.
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He sees none of his roll in any of it. He has literally told me (recently) regarding my mother "it wasn't her fault, she couldn't help it." I wonder if he would have wanted to exchange his childhood for mine.
 
OneEyedDiva said:
I'm so sorry you are going through this Remy! I have to agree with others...you need to do whatever you have to ..to get out of this situation. No need to call your brother...for anything! He is no help at all and only makes things worse. If you continue to drive your stepfather...do so with your windows open on both sides. If he complains, tell him it's either your way or he can find another ride. I know that people who are used to being abused often don't stand up for themselves. It's time you do! It's time to put your foot down.

You are working and still doing everything you can to help him yet neither he nor your brother appreciate it. I won't use the crass expression that comes to mind when thinking about what they are putting you through. If you continue along this route, you risk suffering from exhaustion or possibly having a heart attack or stroke. Who would take care of him then? Is risking your health worth it? I repeat what I said in the second sentence!
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Thank you. I do worry about my health. I've had some things come up and there are studies about health affects later in life from childhood abuse. I'm not talking to my brother. My stepfather is really playing innocent. I took the medications prescribed to him and told him to follow the directions on the bottles. Then last night he says he didn't know which medications to take when. I told him if he can't manage simple directions on a pill bottle, perhaps he's not able to live independent. He just replies "I'm not going to a nursing home" and "You worry too much" I said yes, because it will become all my responsibility. He replies "what will?" Seriously does not get it. I wanted to scream.
 
Bellbird said:
Because he has Covid and anyone else who is around him, should be staying at home for 7 days or until the Covid has cleared. Mixing with the public is one of the main reasons as to why Covid is still spreading amongst us all.
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I don't know if he continued to wear a mask while shopping or had stopped. I'm not pushing it. He makes stupid decisions and I got stuck dealing with them.
 
Lewkat said:
If anyone ever abused me, I'd take a hike so fast and ignore any pleas or calls. No way, ever. I wouldn't care that they brought me up or anything else for that matter. I was not put on earth to become someone's victim.
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He does not see himself in any way as an abuser. And he didn't abuse me. He stood there and did absolutely nothing when my mother did. Her screaming rages at me, horrible words, throwing things at me. He watched her kick me on the floor when I was a child and actually responded by saying "don't do that" but didn't make one physical move to stop her. If I told him that today. He would say he doesn't remember or perhaps even blatantly deny. And even when my mother was raging at him, us kids were exposed to it.
 
Thank you for your replies everyone. I'm supposed to get a call today from the hospital. They want him to go in for some IV injection. I was so stressed and up late I didn't ask for details as to the medication in the ER when they told me about it. He is denying they mentioned this to him in the ER and isn't sure he wants it. So it's another day he is consuming from me. If they call, I'll probably have to drive out to his place because he won't answer the phone with his hearing impairment. He has to see the red light flashing.

I'm wanting to help him less and less. He knows he can just call me. He will rely on me to take care of the cats if he is hospitalized. And for example he hides things. I get he was a provider but he was not a father. I never had one. He thinks he was.
 
Remy said:
He does not see himself in any way as an abuser. And he didn't abuse me. He stood there and did absolutely nothing when my mother did. Her screaming rages at me, horrible words, throwing things at me. He watched her kick me on the floor when I was a child and actually responded by saying "don't do that" but didn't make one physical move to stop her. If I told him that today. He would say he doesn't remember or perhaps even blatantly deny. And even when my mother was raging at him, us kids were exposed to it.
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He may not be an abuser, but he is an enabler and user. Of course, he'd deny it.
 

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