Stepfather Was Asking Me To Call Every Morning at 8. But He Doesn't Answer.

Remy

Remy

Well-known Member
Location
California, USA
He asked me to call him at 8am due to his age. I didn't want to but did. But in 2 weeks he didn't answer twice so I drove out there. He forgot. Thanks.

I told him I won't anymore, that the stress is making me sick which it is. He doesn't like to take medications he says, but I have to take Prilosec (which I've heard is not a great drug for you) because if I don't, my stomach is killing me.

He got the idea from his niece in her 70's who's daughter calls every morning. Well, I'll bet the niece didn't abuse her daughter either.
 

Remy said:
He got the idea from his niece in her 70's who's daughter calls every morning.
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Be sure and let that niece and any other family member know who is around why you quit doing it. His side of the story will be that Remy won’t do it any more. If he can’t remember to answer the phone when you call, he won’t remember that he was part of the problem. Family stories get confusing.
 
That was so kind of you to call him, @Remy! Is there a reason why he does not call you?

My mother, who is 89, calls me every day (now she's living with my sister, so I know she's taken care of). But before, Mom would also call me daily (if I didn't hear from her, I would call her). I do know of an incident when she was living alone, where she didn't answer the phone for a whole day, and several friends/family went pounding on her door. She had gone out on errands and stayed at a gathering until late and didn't tell us, lol.

I can understand your concern when he didn't answer!
 
Remy: When Dad was living alone (after Mom died) we organized with the Hospital (Elder Care?) for a phone call every morning before 10 am.

As he aged, "seniors' meal delivery" was organized - he enjoyed the meals as the volunteers (who delivered the meals spent a few minutes with him and accessed his situation. He had an independent streak and refused to go into a nursing home.

We live in Vancouver Canada - perhaps there is a similar program for the elderly in your area.
 
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Jules said:
Be sure and let that niece and any other family member know who is around why you quit doing it. His side of the story will be that Remy won’t do it any more. If he can’t remember to answer the phone when you call, he won’t remember that he was part of the problem. Family stories get confusing.
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She's not in this town, she's in Santa Cruz. I'm sure I met her as a kid, but don't remember her. I don't care what they would think or even what he thinks. He's lucky I do what I do.
 
BC Flash said:
Remy: When Dad was living alone (after Mom died) we organized with the Hospital (Elder Care?) for a phone call every morning before 10 am.

As he aged, "seniors' meal delivery" was organized - he enjoyed the meals as the volunteers (who delivered the meals spent a few minutes with him and accessed his situation. He had an independent streak and refused to go into a nursing home.

We live in Vancouver Canada - perhaps there is a similar program for the elderly in your area.
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One of the problems is, he is totally hearing impaired. He uses a caption phone. So he doesn't hear it. Has to see it flashing. He asked me to call. I haven't wanted to. I was having to organize my morning around that phone call, feeding the ferals and trying to go for a walk. In addition he calls at 7pm. She he was controlling my morning and night. And then doesn't answer. Going to work was beginning to feel like a break.

I'm so stressed and sick to my stomach, I'm back to chips, soda and white bread. And Prilosec.

He said he has nothing to do but watch TV. I looked into a kitten rescue organization and even went there. A volunteer at the PAWS thrift volunteers there also and she was there. They are looking for volunteers. He seemed interested. Now he's not. "I could bring something home to my cats, we'll see, wait blah blah"

I know he's isolated by the hearing loss. He's even saying "I should have never married your mother" Buddy, I knew that years and years and years ago.
 
Also after he got back from rehab after a fracture, I did the whole medical alert button after probably calling 5 organizations. That didn't work. He accidently hit the button on the counter with his clip board sending the paramedics out. I didn't get the call until I got home, I had forgot to turn my flip phone on so I had to drive right back out there. I had just left. and he didn't want to wear the thing around his neck. It was a total bust, sent it back. I tried.
 
palides2021 said:
That was so kind of you to call him, @Remy! Is there a reason why he does not call you?

My mother, who is 89, calls me every day (now she's living with my sister, so I know she's taken care of). But before, Mom would also call me daily (if I didn't hear from her, I would call her). I do know of an incident when she was living alone, where she didn't answer the phone for a whole day, and several friends/family went pounding on her door. She had gone out on errands and stayed at a gathering until late and didn't tell us, lol.

I can understand your concern when he didn't answer!
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I can't even call it concern. It's Fear Obligation Guilt. I'm so weary of him. He calls every night at 7. Sometimes late because he fell asleep or didn't realize the time. Or the caption phone isn't working. When I worked PM he'd call at noon and if he didn't call, I'd go to a very stressful job with that extra burden. I don't even have my brother to vent to. He's a narcissistic abuser.

I can never relax. This has ruined my day. I only have so much empathy for him. He never cared when I was abused and isolated in that house. It was all fun and games when some kid had no power.
 
Whether he married your mother or NOT, he would be in the same situation - hearing loss, lonely, afraid. At least now he has you as an advocate. He doesn't realize the stress that he is causing.
 
Remy said:
One of the problems is, he is totally hearing impaired. He uses a caption phone. So he doesn't hear it. Has to see it flashing. He asked me to call. I haven't wanted to. I was having to organize my morning around that phone call, feeding the ferals and trying to go for a walk. In addition he calls at 7pm. She he was controlling my morning and night. And then doesn't answer. Going to work was beginning to feel like a break.

I'm so stressed and sick to my stomach, I'm back to chips, soda and white bread. And Prilosec.

He said he has nothing to do but watch TV. I looked into a kitten rescue organization and even went there. A volunteer at the PAWS thrift volunteers there also and she was there. They are looking for volunteers. He seemed interested. Now he's not. "I could bring something home to my cats, we'll see, wait blah blah"

I know he's isolated by the hearing loss. He's even saying "I should have never married your mother" Buddy, I knew that years and years and years ago.
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Remy.. he's just a selfish old man. ..and you're getting more ill because of him..

My paternal family were all Deaf and mute,.. they lived and worked like normal every day people all their lives.. and that was long before we even had the marvellous inventions there are for deaf people today.. and including the internet.

Back in the 60's when were kids, my aunts and uncles all had house phones despite being totally deaf...both their phones and their alarms were alerted by table lamps flashing off and on when they rang
 
BC Flash said:
Whether he married your mother or NOT, he would be in the same situation - hearing loss, lonely, afraid. At least now he has you as an advocate. He doesn't realize the stress that he is causing.
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I disagree. He doesn't care. He's been tuning out his whole life. How else could he have lived as husband to that beast? How else could he have witnessed the abuse of children? Tuned out to all but himself. Remy you are a willing victim, and I'm so sorry. You are valuable and you'll never know it until you see yourself through the eyes of the people here.
 
BC Flash said:
Whether he married your mother or NOT, he would be in the same situation - hearing loss, lonely, afraid. At least now he has you as an advocate. He doesn't realize the stress that he is causing.
Click to expand...
This is true. He started having problems with equalibriam as a teenager. It's complete nerve loss so there is no cure. He want completely deaf probably 30 years ago. But he'd have stayed in Santa Cruz. He's have little family left. He is the youngest. But marrying my mother ruined his life.
 
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BC Flash said:
Whether he married your mother or NOT, he would be in the same situation - hearing loss, lonely, afraid. At least now he has you as an advocate. He doesn't realize the stress that he is causing.
Click to expand...
I'm willing to help. He doesn't need to know I don't want to. His one cat needs hyperthyroid medication. I picked up the prescription and cut the small pills in 1/4. I've taken him to the vet with the cat. I take his medical and appointment calls. I do feel like all the abuse of my mother has come down to my responsibility and I told him that. Everyone's misery because of her. I had always feared her old age. I had no idea what he would do to me. You never see it coming.
 
I want to add in my support, together with the others here, @Remy
It's such a very wearing and difficult situation, for you, and it has been, for so very, very long......:(
💌💌💌
 
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