Sticky Situation

oldman

oldman

Well-known Member
Location
PA
I received a call from a pilot friend of mine that retired at the same time as I did about 10 days ago and parts of our conversation have been on my mind ever since. He told me that he had to call me and ask my advice on how he should handle a situation that he has gotten himself into. He was telling me that about two weeks ago he met an old girlfriend from way back in high school just a few days before he had called me. He said that they were to be married upon his return from Vietnam, but like so many other relationships similar to his, when he got home she had told him that she fell in love with another man and was preparing to marry him. He said that he really loved that woman.

So, when they met up a few weeks back, she told him that her husband had died about 10 years ago from cancer and at first she was doing OK, but now she is feeling very lonely. She asked him to please stop by now and then and he "agreed" to do so. He has been married to the same woman for just over 50 years now and he did not tell her about this woman and also not meeting her again a few weeks ago. His question to me was, "Do you think that it would be OK if I just stopped by for a visit now and then?"

My answer to him was, "Sure, if you take your wife along with you." Of course he told me that he couldn't do that, so I told him then he shouldn't go and maybe he should call her and tell her that he made a bad decision when he told her that he would be stopping by now and then.

What do you think?
 

I think he should ask himself how he would feel if his wife of over 50 years suddenly decided to 'stop by and visit' an old boyfriend that he knew nothing about, without mentioning it to him.....
 
oldman said:
I received a call from a pilot friend of mine that retired at the same time as I did about 10 days ago and parts of our conversation have been on my mind ever since. He told me that he had to call me and ask my advice on how he should handle a situation that he has gotten himself into. He was telling me that about two weeks ago he met an old girlfriend from way back in high school just a few days before he had called me. He said that they were to be married upon his return from Vietnam, but like so many other relationships similar to his, when he got home she had told him that she fell in love with another man and was preparing to marry him. He said that he really loved that woman.

So, when they met up a few weeks back, she told him that her husband had died about 10 years ago from cancer and at first she was doing OK, but now she is feeling very lonely. She asked him to please stop by now and then and he "agreed" to do so. He has been married to the same woman for just over 50 years now and he did not tell her about this woman and also not meeting her again a few weeks ago. His question to me was, "Do you think that it would be OK if I just stopped by for a visit now and then?"

My answer to him was, "Sure, if you take your wife along with you." Of course he told me that he couldn't do that, so I told him then he shouldn't go and maybe he should call her and tell her that he made a bad decision when he told her that he would be stopping by now and then.

What do you think?
Click to expand...

I think you gave him the correct advice.
 

Wren said:
I think he should ask himself how he would feel if his wife of over 50 years suddenly decided to 'stop by and visit' an old boyfriend that he knew nothing about, without mentioning it to him.....
Click to expand...

Good point. In a previous marriage I had been on the 'receiving end' of such an occurrence. It was a breach of trust, and as I found out later, a breach of marriage vows.
 
Great advice!

This type of advice is a good reality check for all sorts of situations.

If it's not appropriate for my spouse, children, grandchildren, etc... then maybe it's not a good idea for me.
 
You're right, Oldman. It's inappropriate, and could easily lead to something more. I think in reality that any time a person is considering doing something he/she is afraid to tell his/her spouse about for fear he/she will think it's inappropriate, it's inappropriate.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top