Suggestions for Executor when all family is as old as I am or older?

YodaRules in NC

YodaRules in NC

New Member
Location
Close to Lizard Lick, North Carolina
Time to get Will updated naming an executor to handle my last wishes. All of my financial accounts have "Estate" as beneficiary and the Will is to advise the distribution of proceeds. Previous Will has a sister named as executor but lately I can tell this would be too much for her. She does have an adult daughter but, the girl has never even kept a check register..... not even a possibility for me!

I researched what is involved in NC for probating a Will and probate is required as the court looks over the Will and officially names the executor as the Personal Representative of the Estate. There are 7 stages of this process -- 3 of which require trips to the County Courthouse. This is a big deal as I live in a large county, the traffic alone is scary much less parking, getting inside courthouse, etc.

I do have a younger brother living several states away and having to handle trips to my courthouse is out of the question. I am at a loss......

Suggestions,


Patsy
 

I have 2 grandsons, one of which will be designated as executor. They are both 30ish, and either one can handle it, since it will be a modest amount to deal with. My DIL (their mother) is visiting next week and I will ask her advise about making a choice. Then it's off to see the lawyers early next year.
 

I would caution against using an attorney. Seems reasonable BUT, they can seriously take advantage and can charge a lot of $$ every time they have to open the file. I would suggest that you reconsider your younger brother and maybe talk to the probate court. A LOT of things are done online these days (as we discovered when my father passed in 2020). He may be able to do a lot over the phone or online after an initial trip up for signatures and to present himself in person.
 
YodaRules in NC said:
Time to get Will updated naming an executor to handle my last wishes. All of my financial accounts have "Estate" as beneficiary and the Will is to advise the distribution of proceeds. Previous Will has a sister named as executor but lately I can tell this would be too much for her. She does have an adult daughter but, the girl has never even kept a check register..... not even a possibility for me!

I researched what is involved in NC for probating a Will and probate is required as the court looks over the Will and officially names the executor as the Personal Representative of the Estate. There are 7 stages of this process -- 3 of which require trips to the County Courthouse. This is a big deal as I live in a large county, the traffic alone is scary much less parking, getting inside courthouse, etc.

I do have a younger brother living several states away and having to handle trips to my courthouse is out of the question. I am at a loss......

Suggestions,


Patsy
Click to expand...
Trips to the courthouse seem like they could be handled by mail or electronically.
 
Myquest55 said:
I would caution against using an attorney. Seems reasonable BUT, they can seriously take advantage and can charge a lot of $$ every time they have to open the file. I would suggest that you reconsider your younger brother and maybe talk to the probate court. A LOT of things are done online these days (as we discovered when my father passed in 2020). He may be able to do a lot over the phone or online after an initial trip up for signatures and to present himself in person.
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Ya, good point.
I've seen lawyers really milk an estate as executor.
How about a local priest or minister that you are close with. At the very least they can recommend someone honest.
 
Myquest55 said:
I would caution against using an attorney. Seems reasonable BUT, they can seriously take advantage and can charge a lot of $$ every time they have to open the file. I would suggest that you reconsider your younger brother and maybe talk to the probate court. A LOT of things are done online these days (as we discovered when my father passed in 2020). He may be able to do a lot over the phone or online after an initial trip up for signatures and to present himself in person.
Click to expand...
Good points.
 
You find yourself in a situation that can be difficult to manage. As previously mentioned, I'd be leery about naming an attorney too. These days, so much is handled digitally, via email and by phone that appointing your younger brother may not be as unreasonable as you think. After you pass away, isn't it likely that your brother would come to your town anyway (for your final service)?
 
Whether an estate is large or small, being an executor isn't easy. If you screw up during any part of the probate process, you can find yourself in trouble with the court. Even if it was an honest mistake.

My husband was Executor his mother's estate & we had our attorney help us to make sure everything was completed according to the law. We did the footwork & he made sure very thing was in order & filed it for us. His fee was a small percentage of the total estate & it was very reasonable & worth every penny. That percentage is set by Ohio law, not the attorney. I'm sure every state has a different set of rule for charges.

One way of not having to go through Probate Court is TOD (transfer on death) or POD (payable on death) on your assets. My friends Father had his house (TOD) set up like this along with his bank accounts (POD) on who it was to pass when he died. His sister helped their Dad set it up since she works for a large financial institution & was familiar with it & how to do it.

When he passed, it was all done within a few months. MIL estate was over a year to get through Probate Court & hers was a simple clear cut will with no one protesting it.

I haven't talked to her about this yet, but the next time I'll see her I want to ask her about it. Some of our things already have beneficiaries listed, but not all. We have a will as well that is updated.
 
I also need to revisit my will to make some changes. I want to set money aside for my stepgrandchilds college. My son will be who will inherit the cash and the house. The thing I am concerned about at this point is if everything goes in my son's name only and that his wife will not be allowed access to those funds. He should be the one to have complete control of the money and porperty. It they divorced would she be entitled to any part of the estate. I do not want that to be possible. I need to meet back with the attorney and discuss these matters and what I can do to protect my son.
 
Blessed said:
I also need to revisit my will to make some changes. I want to set money aside for my stepgrandchilds college. My son will be who will inherit the cash and the house. The thing I am concerned about at this point is if everything goes in my son's name only and that his wife will not be allowed access to those funds. He should be the one to have complete control of the money and porperty. It they divorced would she be entitled to any part of the estate. I do not want that to be possible. I need to meet back with the attorney and discuss these matters and what I can do to protect my son.
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Yes, speak with your lawyer about this.

In Canada the courts will not include "gifts or inheritance" in their decisions over division of property in the case of a divorce BUT, those gifts or inheritances must be handled in a specific manner. ie: your son would have to keep inherited money in a separate account in his name only. Once it goes into a joint account, then it will be included in the division of property in the case of divorce.
Same applies to property. Keep the deed in his name only, not jointly owned with his spouse and never move into that house with your spouse because it will the been seen by the court as the matrimonial home and be divided as such in a divorce.

It may be completely different in the US or even State to State so yeah, best to discuss with your lawyer.
 
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YodaRules in NC said:
Time to get Will updated naming an executor to handle my last wishes. All of my financial accounts have "Estate" as beneficiary and the Will is to advise the distribution of proceeds. Previous Will has a sister named as executor but lately I can tell this would be too much for her. She does have an adult daughter but, the girl has never even kept a check register..... not even a possibility for me!

I researched what is involved in NC for probating a Will and probate is required as the court looks over the Will and officially names the executor as the Personal Representative of the Estate. There are 7 stages of this process -- 3 of which require trips to the County Courthouse. This is a big deal as I live in a large county, the traffic alone is scary much less parking, getting inside courthouse, etc.

I do have a younger brother living several states away and having to handle trips to my courthouse is out of the question. I am at a loss......

Suggestions,


Patsy
Click to expand...
This is such a worrying time for you. I have 2 sons living in separate states, so I went to the Public Trustee near where I live. They will handle everything and make sure all the bills are paid, then they distribute my estate to my two sons. Of course, they take their share for handling everything, but I fully trust them to do the right thing by all concerned. because it is run by the government.
 
MrPants said:
Yes, speak with your lawyer about this.

In Canada the courts will not include "gifts or inheritance" in their decisions over division of property in the case of a divorce BUT, those gifts or inheritances must be handled in a specific manner. ie: your son would have to keep inherited money in a separate account in his name only. Once it goes into a joint account, then it will be included in the division of property in the case of divorce.
Same applies to property. Keep the deed in his name only, not jointly owned with his spouse and never move into that house with your spouse because it will the been seen by the court as the matrimonial home and be divided as such in a divorce.

It may be completely different in the US or even State to State so yeah, best to discuss with your lawyer.
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Thank you for your input. I do believe that is the case. I just need to update the will, make sure all is good along those lines. The part I did not know was about the house. I will discuss it with the attorney, if the best action would be to sell the house and he get the proceeds.
 
Providing his name is the only name on the deed when he sells it and the proceeds from the sale goes to an account in his name only, I'm guessing that would protect that asset value & keep it under your son's control but yes, your lawyer can advise best on that.

A story that's sort of related .... I know a woman who's father died and in his will he specifically stated that he did not want his daughter's husband (his son in law) to receive one penny of the assets he was leaving his daughter :oops:
I doubt that this statement had any legal effect but just that he wrote that in his will was a pretty hard slap in the face to his son in law who was, in all reality, very money focused.
 
In Ohio there is something called "Community Property". As long as a couple is married, even if something is only in one name, it belongs to the other person too. Not sure how many other states have this or not.

Once a person gets their inheritance & even if it's solely in their name, technically it's the other spouses property too. Unless there is some type of legal document where the other half says they won't make a claim on it, there isn't anything that can be done. Sort of like a pre-nup.

Only an attorney in your state can advise you what you can or can't do.
 

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