The D-Word has found me - Yes, Divorce.

L

Ladybj

Live, Laugh and Love
Location
Somewhere in the USA
I've shared my story a little on the forum. I have finally accepted that my marriage is over. It was tough to accept, but it was necessary for my well-being. I will always love him, and I wish him well.

He is in denial and acts as if everything is ok..but it's not. I've tried expressing to him how I feel, but I am met with gaslighting, shift-blaming, etc.. A great deal has transpired throughout my 35+ marriage, and I am now planning for the next phase of my life. I am 60+ and do not want to be dealing with the same issues at 70+. It has been a rocky road, but I am doing ok. Counseling, among other things, is helping me through this challenging/healing journey. Hope you guys are doing well!! Miss you guys. I may be MIA at times, but I do return. :love:
 

Ladybj said:
I've shared my story a little on the forum. I have finally accepted that my marriage is over. It was tough to accept, but it was necessary for my well-being. I will always love him, and I wish him well.

He is in denial and acts as if everything is ok..but it's not. I've tried expressing to him how I feel, but I am met with gaslighting, shift-blaming, etc.. A great deal has transpired throughout my 35+ marriage, and I am now planning for the next phase of my life. I am 60+ and do not want to be dealing with the same issues at 70+. It has been a rocky road, but I am doing ok. Counseling, among other things, is helping me through this challenging/healing journey. Hope you guys are doing well!! Miss you guys. I may be MIA at times, but I do return. :love:
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Good to know you made a decision that works best for you. I wish you well in this new phase of your life.
 

Good for you @Ladybj! The step you've taken takes guts to go ahead with but your logic is 100% bang-on! Do it now and be done with it so you can start anew before you get too old to take that step.

It will be difficult to adjust initially and will take time but be patient and kind to yourself & I know you'll be much happier on your own once you get used to you just being you and not having to have someone else constantly in the way. It will be very rewarding in the end I'm sure 🤗
 
Fritz said:
i've been through 2 divorces. the first was my fault. the second was all him. it was pretty horrible. i just wanted out. he thought i wanted to take everything from him cuz he was too stupid to realize i didn't care about all that. i just wanted away from him. i've been alone over 20 years and i'm doing just fine. hang in there! 🤗
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Thank you! I can relate. I will file for alimony..I've been married too long not to. However, it's not about the money; I prefer to have a healthy marriage.
 
MrPants said:
Good for you @Ladybj! The step you've taken takes guts to go ahead with but your logic is 100% bang-on! Do it now and be done with it so you can start anew before you get too old to take that step.

It will be difficult to adjust initially and will take time but be patient and kind to yourself & I know you'll be much happier on your own once you get used to you just being you and not having to have someone else constantly in the way. It will be very rewarding in the end I'm sure 🤗
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Thank you so much! I am looking forward to my next chapter. 💕
 
I know from past experience that if you once loved someone and the relationship has become toxic it can be difficult to get out, so I applaud you for your determination and courage. You have our shoulders in SF to cry on if you are feeling down.

The irony is that as time goes on he will probably miss you more than you miss him. Just don't take him back. You are now well-positioned to discover who you are. Every day you wake up, make a list of the good things about yourself and what you are thankful for. Wishing you all the best in your new journey!
 
seadoug said:
I know from past experience that if you once loved someone and the relationship has become toxic it can be difficult to get out, so I applaud you for your determination and courage. You have our shoulders in SF to cry on if you are feeling down.

The irony is that as time goes on he will probably miss you more than you miss him. Just don't take him back. You are now well-positioned to discover who you are. Every day you wake up, make a list of the good things about yourself and what you are thankful for. Wishing you all the best in your new journey!
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Thank you!! That meant more to me than you know!! Some days are just doggone hard, but there is no turning back. Once I am out, there is no turning back. I have to remember I am not in this alone. My counselor is awesome, and this group, family, and friends are Priceless!!!💕
 
Ladybj said:
I've shared my story a little on the forum. I have finally accepted that my marriage is over. It was tough to accept, but it was necessary for my well-being. I will always love him, and I wish him well.

He is in denial and acts as if everything is ok..but it's not. I've tried expressing to him how I feel, but I am met with gaslighting, shift-blaming, etc.. A great deal has transpired throughout my 35+ marriage, and I am now planning for the next phase of my life. I am 60+ and do not want to be dealing with the same issues at 70+. It has been a rocky road, but I am doing ok. Counseling, among other things, is helping me through this challenging/healing journey. Hope you guys are doing well!! Miss you guys. I may be MIA at times, but I do return. :love:
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Very brave of you to do what's best for both of you. Good luck in this next phase of life.
 
Getting divorced was difficult for me, as unhappy as I was I felt an obligation to keep trying to make things work, even at the cost of my own happiness.

BUT....when the marriage finally blew apart and the dust settled I discovered I was happy again, it was as if a switch was flipped.

LadyBJ I hope the same happens for you, I hope you get to live life how you want.
 
I have divorced three husbands. They were all very difficult to do emotionally. The last two husbands I was with for 23 years each. I divorced my last husband at 66 and I have to say four years later than I am much happier. Despite me doing all the work and him doing nothing he was happy to criticize how I did things.

Now I have peace and quiet and can do whatever I want to do. Sure there’s things I miss about being in a couple, but it did not outweigh the bad.
 
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I am sorry you are going through this. It’s a horrible experience.

I can only tell you what helped me get through my unwanted divorce.

The best thing I did to recover from the loss of my marriage was to find a good Divorce Recovery Group and attend the meetings. You will soon find you are not alone and probably make new friends. Most are church based, but none of the ones I attended tried to convert or talk me into joining the church. It’s a gift to the community. I suggest you take it. They ask for a weekly contribution to cover expenses. Back then it was $5 a meeting. Expensive counselors, and other such professional services did not come near the help and pain relief of the Recovery Groups.

You will survive and be better than ever.

If you get angry about it and get depressed or want to lash out at your former spouse, remember this - Living well is the best revenge.
 

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