The Elderly Without Children

You make your own meanings as you age. I am a published writer.
For some, God is it, but not me!
Someone who really enjoys what they do will be happier than those who think and
moan about meaning and the good life. I have done both and deeper thinking is small consolation.
According to a notable study, people have a set-point of happiness which they cannot surpass for long
and then they return to their usual ordinary moods. So happiness is temporary but some (not me) seem happy all the time. But this is a front, a facade, I think. Inside they are unhappy.
 

As someone childless not by choice, I can well relate to the quest for meaning especially when I see lots of people living vicariously through their children and grandchildren. Work, too, can give life meaning, and I’ve known men who died soon after retiring simply because they lost their “purpose.” Life can then have whatever purpose you choose to assign to it, and mine has been intellectual curiosity. I finally have time to study and explore things that I didn’t have time to do before. Additionally, I like to see how things turn out, and believing that we are living in rather unparalleled times gives me motivation to see certain outcomes transpire…
 
Tabby Ann, I'm 71 so can't write on life after 80 -- can write on life after 70 for me which has me contemplating what it will be like to reach (and pass) 80. Retired decade ago, no spouse or children, live alone in a 55+ apartment community for the past year. There are days I don't go out of my apartment and just putter around on my computer and watching tv. There are days I get up and walk 2 miles just to tell myself I gotta stay active (btw, am overweight by about 60 pounds). Have made friends/acquaintances in the complex but don't get too involved with anyone. Your "what motivates" question made me stop and ponder the question. There is no one in my life that I live for -- other than me. Am fairly active in my church and they are whom I consider family but, what happens when I can no longer drive..... Am motivated to stay somewhat active as I fear getting to dependency when I have no one to depend on (and not enough funds for assisted living complex).

Each day brings more negative ways of life, changes in environment and climate which causes concern . I wonder what it will be like should I live 20 more years -- then again, the generation before us probably felt the same way with the 60's revolution. The environment and climate is what can't be changed after a certain point (my opinion). So again..... the question.....what motivates you? Many times I think just closing my eyes and drifting off never waking up again -- after all, for me life in the next realm is more exciting than this one.
 

YodaRules in NC said:
Each day brings more negative ways of life, changes in environment and climate which causes concern . I wonder what it will be like should I live 20 more years -- then again, the generation before us probably felt the same way with the 60's revolution. The environment and climate is what can't be changed after a certain point (my opinion)
Click to expand...
This is a big fear of mine; I sooo much don't want to live another 20 years, uh uh.
 
Tabby Ann said:
This loss of motivation affects younger Seniors as well who are without partners and children. One younger Senior living alone said why get motivated?? What is the payoff?? This is a good question. I can’t find a payoff. If you are in the Elderly category, have you found a payoff to get motivated??
Click to expand...
It is a very scary idea of people reaching the 'no-go' years without having family. Most of my family members I was acquainted with died prior to the no-go 80's, only my Mom lived into the no-go years. But, thanks to that whole economic mess in the 2008-2010 era, my mom got to share her no-go years with me and my daughter under foot.

Her activities that I remember from her last years involved having pots of flowers (maybe a few vegetable plants too) on the deck and she was motivated to water them, and she would sit out on the deck and look at nature. Inside although she no longer could go to things like her class reunion, she would hear from others about who attended. She also had a microfiche machine and would read old issues of the paper of the town she grew up in, and she wrote a 50-years-ago type article (not exactly 50 years, I'm not sure what her range of the past covered, maybe it was 30 years ago) for the current town paper (the little town she grew up in, not where she was living since she grew up, but her parents stayed there until they died so we'd visit that town regularly while I was growing up, and my mom attended her class reunion every year until she was in her 80s and unable physically).

Also she had a couple dogs, though one got old and she had to have Rosy put to sleep. So at the end my mom only had one dog, but the dog required regular medicine and treats so I guess that provided some motivation to my mom (and as I found out after she died and I assumed caring for the dog, she was spending $300 a month on medicines and pill-pocket-treats and other treats). Lily was a very well loved dog!

I only just retired this year and am in the 'go-go' period now, but I really hope I have enough money to eventually settle down in a 55+ community because I went on a tour of one 55+ apartment place and they had a movie theater room with movie days, and they had a card room with several tables that were all totally filled up with old no-go people playing cards. It looked like a great way to have the privacy and independence of living in an apartment, while still having some physically easy social activities to provide some focus to the days/weeks.
 
HoneyNut said:
I really hope I have enough money to eventually settle down in a 55+ community because I went on a tour of one 55+ apartment place and they had a movie theater room with movie days, and they had a card room with several tables that were all totally filled up with old no-go people playing cards. It looked like a great way to have the privacy and independence of living in an apartment, while still having some physically easy social activities to provide some focus to the days/weeks.
Click to expand...
That's the problem around here; there are some nice places like that but very expensive; the studio (380-440 sq. ft.) apartments start at $2,300 a month and go up from there.
 
We are currently prepping our house ready for sale, the stairs have become a challenge. You would think that with only a short period of life ahead, we wouldn't be motivated not only by the sale and subsequent new home. Far from it, we have had the drive resurfaced, the house redecorated inside and out, all the floor covering replaced or renewed, all of which will, hopefully sell our home.

We shall probably do much the same at the new address. The grim reaper might have my number, but he ain't having my new address, at least not until it's all presentable!
 
MarciKS said:
i am in the 50-70 age range. i have little to no motivation to do anything cuz who's gonna care?
Click to expand...
Now that I'm a little older this sentiment I posted has since changed. I am in the 50-70 group without children. I have no real motivation to do much of anything except for the motivation to get out of bed every day and do the best I can and to go to work because work needs me.

The people in my field of care need me. They need my skills in order to benefit their lives when they come to stay at the hospital. My other motivation is to keep moving because if I don't then I'll lose my mobility altogether. I never get any company so I really have no reason to care if the house is clean but I need to do it for me.
 
horseless carriage said:
We are currently prepping our house ready for sale, the stairs have become a challenge. You would think that with only a short period of life ahead, we wouldn't be motivated not only by the sale and subsequent new home. Far from it, we have had the drive resurfaced, the house redecorated inside and out, all the floor covering replaced or renewed, all of which will, hopefully sell our home.

We shall probably do much the same at the new address. The grim reaper might have my number, but he ain't having my new address, at least not until it's all presentable!
Click to expand...
I’m sure all those improvements will help your house sell quicker. I sold my house at 67 and bought a condo that I completely redecorated to my taste. Fast-forward four years and I absolutely love living here. Good luck on the house sale and move!
 
Not having a support network is a big concern for me as I get older.

It seems like it would be worse to be elderly and have children/grandchildren that were not interested or able to advocate for me or provide various forms of support.

All we can do is put one foot in front of the other until we reach our destination.

"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end." - John Lenon
 
Teacher Terry said:
I’m sure all those improvements will help your house sell quicker. I sold my house at 67 and bought a condo that I completely redecorated to my taste. Fast-forward four years and I absolutely love living here. Good luck on the house sale and move.
Click to expand...
Thank you, I remember reading that moving house is life's third most stressful event, only divorce and bereavement are worse.
The thread is, of course, about the elderly without children. .

We know quite a few in our social circle whose adult children rarely visit them, and then it's only because they want something. Others are quite hostile towards their Grandchildren, but it's understandable when you see the way those kids treat their grandparents.

How life changes, when I was a just a child, visiting grandparents was a treat, they would spoil us but we would always help them. Lifting, carrying and doing chores that they found difficult through age. I adored my grandparents.
 
horseless carriage said:
Thank you, I remember reading that moving house is life's third most stressful event, only divorce and bereavement are worse.
The thread is, of course, about the elderly without children. .

We know quite a few in our social circle whose adult children rarely visit them, and then it's only because they want something. Others are quite hostile towards their Grandchildren, but it's understandable when you see the way those kids treat their grandparents.

How life changes, when I was a just a child, visiting grandparents was a treat, they would spoil us but we would always help them. Lifting, carrying and doing chores that they found difficult through age. I adored my grandparents.
Click to expand...
I was going through a divorce when I sold my house and bought a condo. It was indeed a very stressful time. I love my three kids very much and I couldn’t imagine not having them. My oldest son and his wife are local and I see them at least once a week. My other two live far away and we talk on the phone and text frequently.

Unfortunately I don’t have any grandchildren. I loved my grandparents very much and spent a ton of time with them and the memories are priceless.
 
I'm 86 and I live alone. But, I have a son who lives near by and gives me lots of support. If I didn't have him I'm not sure what I would do. It's easy to say get a hobby. I've had lots of hobbies. But, what if you just don't feel like doing them? Or, make new friends. What if you're an introvert and lack the energy to try?

There's a weariness that comes with old age. And, there is a sadness when you think about all the dumb things you did and said when you were younger and can't undo or unsay.

So, I'm not much help to the OP. I do little odd jobs around the house, putter with things in the garage, sit in the patio and watch the birds and critters that pass through, read and spend time browsing the internet. But, often I just feel sort of numb. Nothing sounds good. Even listening to music is no good because my Meneire's symptoms make it sound like crap.

But, you've got to go on. You do what you've got to do and the days pass. Enjoy little pleasures when you can. Eat some ice cream. Have some cookies with it.
 
Manatee said:
Our "kids" are 58 and 61 years old. They are far more affluent than we are. They live in the farthest corner of the country, so we don't see them that often. We do enjoy it when they come to visit. We no longer travel although we used to enjoy it in the past.

Some days the hardest thing that I do is to drag my bones out of bed, but then I am 88 years old.
Click to expand...
Daughters 61 and 68, grandson 40. 61 year old keeps me living independently--it's getting tougher though at 89. Mornings are the toughest. Once in awhile I post light hearted comments to them. But what motivates me to do something other than surviving is when I read of someone who has had an unpleasant experience due to Essential Tremors, I try to come up with a humorous story poem about it.
In a land of pain and struggles
Exist a home born of hope, love and courage.
It resides in the hearts of those whose song
Sings of healed afflictions in a joyous new dawn.
 
I guess at my age of 84 & my wife at 80 we fit the elderly category. We have sons that are independent & self supporting so that as a factor isn't a consideration in my response.

The question

If you are in the Elderly category, have you found a payoff to get motivated??

One definition of payoff.
A decisive fact or factor resolving a situation or bringing about a definitive conclusion.

Given that definition, most definately YES!.

After our early years of struggle the payoff "fact" is, we are able to relax & enjoy every day no matter what. Motivation to do something can be planned or spontaneous, or even do nothing at all. We have choices now that we didn't have earlier in our lives.
 
Last edited:
Being "only" 79, not sure what I'm allowed to say in the context of this subject.

At this point it isn't meaning I'm looking for, so much as just getting thru each day, night, and week. There are a few things I still love, like reading and music, and I do them every day. I have 2 kids and 2 grandkids but don't see them all that much. And the kids are near 60 now. I don't live for them. I think I just live bc what choice is there?
 
Tabby Ann said:
I make a distinction here between Senior Citizens and the Elderly because I feel Senior Citizens between 55 and 70 don’t have a good grasp on the accelerated aging changes that occur after 80. I worked full time until I was 70 and had little time or attention for those over 80. Like everyone else, I grew up thinking motivation was important and had its own rewards. But now that my body is weaker and more painful, I find motivation is gone, and I’ve tried to look around for some rewards to stimulate it and found none.

Those with children have the motivation to live as long as possible to be supportive as long as possible. But those without children don’t have the same motivation for continuous improvement of themselves or their property beyond basic maintenance. This loss of motivation affects younger Seniors as well who are without partners and children. One younger Senior living alone said why get motivated?? What is the payoff?? This is a good question. I can’t find a payoff. If you are in the Elderly category, have you found a payoff to get motivated??
Click to expand...

I dont have kids or siblings. Everyone I know has passed away including the husband.
Im 75 so I guess I might fit that elderly profile. I dont feel elderly though.

Im very comfortable living alone. Maybe that is the payoff. I dont feel motivated to do a bunch of stuff.
Ive done my time. Ive earned a rest. As far as the house goes. Ive lived in this house since 1980.
The inside is the way I want it. I do keep up with basic maintenance. Any improvements I do are usually outside.
Flower beds and such. When it cools off, I will be doing some Hypertufa and a brick sidewalk over a concrete one.
I always have a project going.

Continuous improvement sounds a lot like work. I suppose I could use some improvement.
Definitely could stand to lose a few pounds. All in all, Im mostly fine with me the way I am.
Maybe a tweak here and there. :D
 
I'm 84, hubby 87 so we qualify. Yay, I guess! Sometimes I feel motivated to indulge doing my hobby of making greeting cards for family, a few friends and often donate them. I love to play with the supplies I find when our son takes me to the local thrift stores. We do not drive anymore and gave our car to him.

Hubby doesn't need to have motivation. He's content to spend his days watching news programs, sports programs and I can stream Days Of Our Lives a few times a week that we both watch. We wake up each morning wondering what the heck the day will bring and manage to say thanks for the day when it's over.

We are pretty lucky. Or you might say, Boring. Kids, yes. 2 grandkids, yes. Even a great granddaughter who we rarely see. It's just my "book". It's still not The End.
 
I am not 80 yet only 70. However, what difference does it make if you are 70 or 80? I have no children, no grandchildren. Not close to a nephew and niece. No extended family. I have a husband and two brothers. One brother lives in another province and one brother who lives half of the year in Italy. I have no friends. Why do I need children to feel motivated?? Why do I need anyone to feel motivated to live and love life? I have my drawing and my painting to motivate me to live and love life. You have to find something that makes you very happy doing it.
 

Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top