The modern dating game .... or not.

[bobcat]

I am always interested in psychology puzzlers, and in my reading, I came across something I thought was interesting in a study:

The study showed that 93 percent of women preferred to be asked out on a date, and only 6 percent preferred to do the asking. The majority of men preferred to do the asking (83 percent), while 16 percent preferred to be asked out on a date.

What I found interesting about this is, that after decades of women's equality and so many social changes, that this particular social behavior really hasn't changed, and I am curious as to why? Do women feel that it paints them in an aggressive light (Cougar), or they are just shy about that sort of thing, or is there something else going on that causes them to want that social rule to be left alone and not embrace that equality?
(I have even noticed the same thing about dancing.)

 

[Retired Monica]

I am thinking for myself and I think it comes down to the situation at hand. If I feel the opportunity is better for me to take the intuitive than I will ask the guy out. If the situation is where I am with a group of friends and feel that a guy would be better in asking me out than that would be the case.

 

[bobcat]

I am thinking for myself and I think it comes down to the situation at hand. If I feel the opportunity is better for me to take the intuitive than I will ask the guy out. If the situation is where I am with a group of friends and feel that a guy would be better in asking me out than that would be the case.

I suppose too that if a woman is smiling and being flirtatious, then it may be construed that she is asking him out in a rather subtle way, but not being assertive. It's probably one of the methods in the book of feminine wiles (If there is such a book). When a woman is charming and cunning, she is sending signals that should be understood, but sometimes she is just being nice and outgoing.
I guess I was just wondering if that's something women would like to change, or if not, why not?
I am comfortable with the way things have always been, but it would be an interesting phenomenon if things were to change.

 

[Retired Monica]

I suppose too that if a woman is smiling and being flirtatious, then it may be construed that she is asking him out in a rather subtle way, but not being assertive. It's probably one of the methods in the book of feminine wiles (If there is such a book). When a woman is charming and cunning, she is sending signals that should be understood, but sometimes she is just being nice and outgoing.
I guess I was just wondering if that's something women would like to change, or if not, why not?
I am comfortable with the way things have always been, but it would be an interesting phenomenon if things were to change.

I haven't gone to a club or bar scene in quite some time and I guess my flirting days are over. At least in those types of places. I have gone out with my girlfriends(some of whom are married and some who are single) to cafes and restaurants that play music and I suppose my flirting would be a glance at a guy and giggling and laughing with my friends. I have actually gotten a few drinks sent my way by doing just that.

I guess if it came down to it, I would prefer the guy to approach me and strike up the conversation and ask me out.

 

[OneEyedDiva]

I'm not interesting in being asked out or asking someone out at this point. But your post poses an interesting point and question. I am surprised that the numbers are so weighted on either side. I would have expected to see at least 60/40 ratio for both situations in this day and age. It has always been my understanding that the term "Cougar" applies to an older woman going after man several years her junior.

 

[Jeni]

wonder what the stats are on risk taking .... simply put starting up conversation and asking someone out is a risk of being turned down ...... no one i know enjoys rejection ....
The difference i think is many men when turned down think it is flaw with the lady ... .......and when reversed perhaps women take it personally when being turned down.

 

[bobcat]

I'm not interesting in being asked out or asking someone out at this point. But your post poses an interesting point and question. I am surprised that the numbers are so weighted on either side. I would have expected to see at least 60/40 ratio for both situations in this day and age. It has always been my understanding that the term "Cougar" applies to an older woman going after man several years her junior.

Yeah, the numbers don't seem to reflect the characteristic nature of a "progressive society". It would seem that with wanting to be seen and treated as equals, that this dynamic would change also, but it appears no one wants to mess with it. I guess it seems a bit strange in a way that many women may be frustrated if they are not being asked out, but they would never want to have the responsibility of doing the asking.
As for the "cougar" reference, you're right, it is used for an older woman pursuing a younger man. I just used it as a reference to a woman doing the pursuing because I couldn't think of a term for that.
I remember from history, there used to be a Sadie Hawkins Day, where the women would ask the men out, but apparently the notion didn't catch on, and eventually was discarded. It would be a dynamic change for society if it were to happen, but I seriously doubt that it will.

 

[bobcat]

wonder what the stats are on risk taking .... simply put starting up conversation and asking someone out is a risk of being turned down ...... no one i know enjoys rejection ....
The difference i think is many men when turned down think it is flaw with the lady ... .......and when reversed perhaps women take it personally when being turned down.

It's never comfortable for anyone to be the asker, for the reasons you pointed out. But I think if a man is secure and smart, he can ask in a way that doesn't leave his feelings vulnerable. Example: "Hey I was thinking of going to the Giants game next weekend, would you care to join me?" It's almost more like an invitation than an "asking out", so not as much worry about the response.