The older/younger issue

AZ Jim

AZ Jim

R.I.P. With Us In Spirit Only
Location
SURPRISE, ARIZONA
Let me start by saying that this is opinion only and by no means is it intended to be a slight of young women. Most will outgrow their shortcomings with time. Old men and young women. I find the idea personally undesirable for several reasons. Older women really do give more because they are past (if they were ever afflicted) the self-loving egotistical, spoiled girl stage. Young women simply don’t have the capacity to give the kind of unselfish love a more mature woman can. I had two wives in my time, the first younger and our interests were so far apart I divorced her eventually. My second and last wife was the love of my life and we spent 50 years together (48 married). When we met I had no idea of her age but later found she was 10 years my senior. As God is my witness it was never a problem.

My wife gave me her unselfish love and we enjoyed one another through many of life's adventures. I loved her with all my heart. When she went to hospice with extremely painful stomach cancer I sat with her as she laid there dying. I held her hand and though she couldn’t see me or speak the nurses said she could most likely hear me. I told her repeatedly how much I loved her. It’s been 4months and one day since I lost her here on earth but I know she is still with me and I’ll see her later.


Bottom line is men who seek out the pretty young girls are probably not going to enjoy the kind of love I had. Bonus for me was my wife was beautiful inside and out…

Rest in peace sweet girl, Detta….
 

A heartfelt post as always Jim, personally I don’t think ten years difference is that much either way, some people are more mature at a young age, and being a woman I can’t speak from a male point of view, generally, I don’t imagine men who go for a much younger partner are looking for the kind of love you found with your Detta
 
I think you hit the generalization/stereotype button here, AZ. One of my best friends married a gal twenty-three years younger than he is. She was in her late twenties, at the time. Their marriage has stood the test of time, with a daughter and a successful business that they grew, together.

I have found that selfish, self-satisfied individuals do not neatly line up along an age timeline. I know very giving younger people, and greedy, terrible, older people.

I find your line about younger women "outgrowing their shortcomings" very distasteful, on several levels. I believe others will write similar things, here.
 

treeguy64 said:
I think you hit the generalization/stereotype button here, AZ. One of my best friends married a gal twenty-three years younger than he is. She was in her late twenties, at the time. Their marriage has stood the test of time, with a daughter and a successful business that they grew, together.

I have found that selfish, self-satisfied individuals do not neatly line up along an age timeline. I know very giving younger people, and greedy, terrible, older people.

I find your line about younger women "outgrowing their shortcomings" very distasteful, on several levels. I believe others will write similar things, here.
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Thank you for you comments. None of my comments are intended to envelope ALL young women. Still, Essentially I stand by my comments on the whole.
 
Very interesting Jim. When I was in my late teens and early 20's I dated men my own age. I was really getting pretty disgusted with all of them. I found some to be very immature,some down right silly and unreliable.

Eventually I met my hubby who is 7 years older than me. Finally I found someone dependable,mature and fun to be with and knew what he wanted to do with his life.

The 7 years between us never really was an issue although lately I'm not sure if it is his age or he has decided he has fallen in love with his recliner but he isn't as active as he was. We still enjoy traveling to see my daughter, the casino now and then and many other activities so I'm going to keep him. He has been a good husband.

I think it depends greatly on the individuals.

Sounds like you two were made for each other. Relationships like that are golden.
 
I think it often happens that men are gaping after younger women for their looks & sex appeal, and find out later that the hotties haven't spent much time cultivating their character & talents as much as working on their looks and wanting to be valued for that. So then when 2 shallow people get together there isn't much to build on.
 
Like most people AZ, you're making judgements based on your own experiences. You were very fortunate in your second wife, but not all older women are like her. If you believe that women lose their obsession with self as they age, you didn't meet my mother! She thought the world revolved around her. She died alone and unloved.
It may surprise you to learn that many young women get involved in older men because they believe that they, too, will have lost that self-obsession that young men have.
You must have inspired deep feelings of love in your wife. She would not have been so devoted if you hadn't. People who are warm and loving stop giving if they get nothing back. I wish my husband had realised that, then we might still be together.
 
To better clarify my feelings. I believe young women generally are more self absorbed than older ladies who have a more realistic view of themselves and others. There is no greater teacher than time and experience.
 
Rosemarie said:
Like most people AZ, you're making judgements based on your own experiences. You were very fortunate in your second wife, but not all older women are like her. If you believe that women lose their obsession with self as they age, you didn't meet my mother! She thought the world revolved around her. She died alone and unloved.
It may surprise you to learn that many young women get involved in older men because they believe that they, too, will have lost that self-obsession that young men have.
You must have inspired deep feelings of love in your wife. She would not have been so devoted if you hadn't. People who are warm and loving stop giving if they get nothing back.
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I agree that we form opinions mainly based on our own experiences.
Not all young women are selfish and not all older women are selfless.

I believe how deeply we love is as individual as we are. My friend married someone twenty years older. That was forty years ago. To this day they still make a wonderful couple.

I know some older women who didn’t learn how to love and had everything including love in their life.
It’s one of the saddest things ever.


hollydolly said:
My husband is 5 years younger than me... that'll do for me.... :D
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Ditto. My man is more than 5 years younger and has a difficult time keeping up with me .
I’d have it no other way:smug1:
 
I always chuckle when I find out about a guy marrying (or dating) a woman 30-40 years younger than him. The motivation is almost always financial. And, gee...what a shock when he finds out she's cheating on him with a younger guy!
 
You have to count narcissists into the equation. A lot of times they worsen with age; they certainly don't get better unless they go into long-term therapy.

Then there are things such as loss of a spouse young, loss of health, loss of a child etc. that can emotionally grow a person beyond their years.
 
AZ Jim said:
Let me start by saying that this is opinion only and by no means is it intended to be a slight of young women. Most will outgrow their shortcomings with time. Old men and young women. I find the idea personally undesirable for several reasons. Older women really do give more because they are past (if they were ever afflicted) the self-loving egotistical, spoiled girl stage. Young women simply don’t have the capacity to give the kind of unselfish love a more mature woman can. I had two wives in my time, the first younger and our interests were so far apart I divorced her eventually. My second and last wife was the love of my life and we spent 50 years together (48 married). When we met I had no idea of her age but later found she was 10 years my senior. As God is my witness it was never a problem.

My wife gave me her unselfish love and we enjoyed one another through many of life's adventures. I loved her with all my heart. When she went to hospice with extremely painful stomach cancer I sat with her as she laid there dying. I held her hand and though she couldn’t see me or speak the nurses said she could most likely hear me. I told her repeatedly how much I loved her. It’s been 4months and one day since I lost her here on earth but I know she is still with me and I’ll see her later.


Bottom line is men who seek out the pretty young girls are probably not going to enjoy the kind of love I had. Bonus for me was my wife was beautiful inside and out…

Rest in peace sweet girl, Detta….
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Jim, your story touched me so much that it brought me to tears and that doesn't happen to me very often. In that kind of love, one or other of the partners will be leaving first. I'm thinking you would rather it was her first than you leaving her behind so bereft. But it hurts either way.
 
AZ Jim said:
To better clarify my feelings. I believe young women generally are more self absorbed than older ladies who have a more realistic view of themselves and others. There is no greater teacher than time and experience.
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Man, the sexism, here, is tough to take. Why don't you include younger men, as well, AJ?
 
treeguy64 said:
Man, the sexism, here, is tough to take. Why don't you include younger men, as well, AJ?
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Why are you taking this so personally?...This seems to have upset you out of all context to the original Post!! Jim clearly stated this was his own opinion, and really more about his own relationship with his late wife!!
 
I am realizing, here, that many of my fellow SF members are, decidedly, far more "old school," when it comes to having blinders on for sexist issues. While that saddens me, I will accept it, and not comment on this issue, again.
 
AZ Jim said:
To better clarify my feelings. I believe young women generally are more self absorbed than older ladies who have a more realistic view of themselves and others. There is no greater teacher than time and experience.
Click to expand...

As a very general statement, I find younger folks are generally more self-focused. I personally have never found much difference between the genders when it comes to that. With age comes experience and wisdom, and I think that when younger people are growing, finding their feet in life, becoming more self sufficient, it's natural for them to be a bit more self-focused. I mean, that's how we all start out as infants...our wants are our needs, we remain entirely self-focused as little ones, and then slowly, over time, our attention and focus slowly reaches out, until that magical day when we finally reach a point of maturity that allows us to extend ourselves out towards others.

Y'know it's funny, I just this morning I responded to someone else's post on an entirely different forum about gender bias. And another on yet another forum, about toxic parents. Is it something in the water? :lol:

I'll say here what I said there. I relate to folks as PEOPLE first. Not as their gender, their age, their race or color or ethnicity or anything else. We're all PEOPLE. And so I don't think in terms of gender as my immediate default. Or race or age or any other category. Never have.
 
You may recall when 36 year-old Anna Nicole Smith married that wealthy 96 year-old man. After he died, his sons had a court battle over his money. Anna testified:

Judge: "Mrs. Smith, how old were you when you decided to marry this 95-year-old man?"

Anna: "I was 36 years old."

Judge: "Mrs. Smith, when did you realize you were in love with him?"

Anna: "At that very moment when he said those three words every woman wants to hear from a man."

Judge: "You mean, "I love you?"

Anna: "No. "I can't breathe."
 

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