The perils of old age and losing friends

ronk

ronk

Member
I've been at my senior citizens high rise for over a year and a half. We are required to eat lunch every day (we pay for it.) I am so grateful for the program because I force myself to leave my apartment, and have made many friends.

The unfortunate side-effect comes with the fact that we older people often suffer more illnesses, and death is a constant companion. I've lost several friends over the past year and a half.

But in some cases, the loss happens over a period of weeks or months. I've seen this with friends who suffer from dementia and similar illnesses. I feel grief watching them slip away, and then when they die. I just mention this because one of my friends returned from the hospital. But we can pretty much expect this is only temporary. We will eventually lose her.
 

Witnessing family and friends slipping away to never return again can be tormenting. It can make you purposely not want to get too close to others for fear of them slipping away.
Is there a counsellor you could talk to about it? Sharing your story here might prove to be supportive. Many members here have lost loved ones and I hope you find comfort from their words and sentiments.
 
ronk said:
I've been at my senior citizens high rise for over a year and a half. We are required to eat lunch every day (we pay for it.) I am so grateful for the program because I force myself to leave my apartment, and have made many friends.

The unfortunate side-effect comes with the fact that we older people often suffer more illnesses, and death is a constant companion. I've lost several friends over the past year and a half.

But in some cases, the loss happens over a period of weeks or months. I've seen this with friends who suffer from dementia and similar illnesses. I feel grief watching them slip away, and then when they die. I just mention this because one of my friends returned from the hospital. But we can pretty much expect this is only temporary. We will eventually lose her.
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Good to see you again Ron, glad you're doing okay at the senior citizens apartment and are getting out and socializing every day. It is sad to see our friends pass on and folks we care about get sick and suffer. You're a good person, please take care....hugs.
 

Never easy Ronk. I like to think of it as on to better things, but being the selfish creatures we are, we miss them when they are gone from our immediate plane of existence. Even if it isn't some established scientific fact, I think if it is what we need we will meet up again somewhere, sometime, and even if it is not so, it does us no harm to think it so. Though I feel the more we think it the more likely it is to be ( create your own reality, why let someone else do it for you). Cheers, Mike
 
We live in a Senior mobile home park, and we know about losing friends. Most recently, our next door neighbor. She planned on retiring this year. She actually was sent to a hospital in the city for a broken arm, next thing we heard was she had cancer and they were going to send her home to a hospice. Then within days she died. Shocking!
 
I spent several months in a nursing home, and we could eat together, but some just ate in their rooms. There was the constant sight of an undertaker's stretcher making its way to the back door, and somebody missing at dinner. Plus, it was a reminder that I wouldn't have a room, if the previous owner was alive. It's one thing to "know" about the end of life, but it's another to live with it. And there's nothing you can do about it. So, what is what is.
BTW. I'm 77 and found out half the guys in my high school class are gone. The girls all have other names.
 
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You are correct as we age we find that nothing in life has prepared us for growing old. Having family and friends pass is sometimes our first welcome call to old age....Uggg! First I lost my dad, the a few years later my mom passed. Then, my older sister died, she was only 4 years my senior. Countless friends have also past.....guess I better get my stuff in order....time is short!
 
I'm the oldest in my family now, and the reality of losing family members and friends that were always there just doesn't seem real sometimes.

Have to just keep going forward, and stay in the present for the kids/grandkids.
 
ronk said:
I've been at my senior citizens high rise for over a year and a half. We are required to eat lunch every day (we pay for it.) I am so grateful for the program because I force myself to leave my apartment, and have made many friends.

The unfortunate side-effect comes with the fact that we older people often suffer more illnesses, and death is a constant companion. I've lost several friends over the past year and a half.

But in some cases, the loss happens over a period of weeks or months. I've seen this with friends who suffer from dementia and similar illnesses. I feel grief watching them slip away, and then when they die. I just mention this because one of my friends returned from the hospital. But we can pretty much expect this is only temporary. We will eventually lose her.
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It is so very very hard being older, living with shadows like this over you.
 
I remember a uk tv show "Gods waiting room" or something like it - all about oldies in a home ; carrying past memories/stories around with them but wondering whether it was prudent to share them or not ; what would be the point ? this would be hashing old themes to new strangers - starting all over again? sometimes it just gets too heavy!! and often confusing!!
 
Pepper said:
I lost my husband, parents; but have not yet lost friends or other family. Maybe I never will experience their deaths. Maybe I'll go first. I am about to lose my fourth cat and it really hurts.
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To lose pets is just as much loss as losing people. They leave such a gap that feels so empty.
I just hate it when my pets get old and I see the little signs increase daily, their strength going. However, I wouldn't be without the love of dogs and cats in my life.
 
I've also noticed that with well trained families - the sons and daughters and grandchildren all feel shared responsibilities of catching up with the aged regularly and keeping themselves and them in the frame - but this is NOT a given for everyone - in involves good training programs before ageing creeps in!
 
davey said:
I remember a uk tv show "Gods waiting room" or something like it - all about oldies in a home ; carrying past memories/stories around with them but wondering whether it was prudent to share them or not ; what would be the point ? this would be hashing old themes to new strangers - starting all over again? sometimes it just gets too heavy!! and often confusing!!
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So true. Better to enjoy today, the now and think of past and future not being relevant really. Past is gone, future is always uncertain.
 
Rose65 said:
To lose pets is just as much loss as losing people. They leave such a gap that feels so empty.
I just hate it when my pets get old and I see the little signs increase daily, their strength going. However, I wouldn't be without the love of dogs and cats in my life.
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i have a big dog probably 10 human years old and weighing in at at least 25kg - can take down a human in full flight. He loves me [I think?] and I definitely love him. If he goes I'm a dead duck!!
 
My best mate in UK died last Sunday in hospital - heart failure. I've only just found out - was waiting for another mate and first mates son to keep me in the loop - they didn't - so I made the effort of ringing his son who suddenly became apologetic?? - I spoke to my best mate one week ago and he sounded breathless and depressed then. We had known each other for 61 years both in UK and OZ - we spoke 3 mthly usually about everything the past ; present and future - he always finished our chat with a joke but had run out of them 9 mths ago? He is of course irreplaceable isn't he?
 
Hello @ronk! Nice to see you again, but sorry you're sad about losing friends. There's nothing I can say to make it better except just enjoy the bright times.

I think that's the only drawback to living in a community with only senior friends. Otherwise, I think it would be great....so many folks to share with, who understand.

I wish you the best life.
 
Sometimes our just disappear, and we don't get any information. We ask our staff members, but they are often bound by rules of confidentiality.

Last year, one of my "table-mates" was gone for a month. She was in a "care center" next door. She said she didn't know why she was there. The same thing happened recently. We watch her, trying to see if she's improved, or if she will relapse.

These days, I face my own limits, physically and emotionally. I can interact with my friends before & during lunch. After lunch, I take a nap. Then I stay in my apartment the rest of the day. That's all I have energy to do.
 
sounds like the big missing links are family connections - despite knowing full well that sometimes they don't work that well - but if we have to say I have no family where are we fgs?
 
Itā€™s definitely hard losing friends. I have lost 9 between the ages of 59-71. I have also lost 7 dogs in the past 15 years because I rescued many seniors. Luckily I still have some of my old friends and have made new ones.
 
The perils of old age and loathing friends
 

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