The situation of being at a restaurant and having to consider picking up the full tab..

L

LadyEmeraude

Senior Member
Have you ever been in the situation of dining with a small or large group of people (friends or family)
Someone might have forgotten their wallet, OR even thought the tab was being paid for by another,
when in fact, it was not, nor ever mentioned that it would be. How did you or would you handle that
or any similar situation?
 

I sometimes pick up the tab when a few friends have lunch or dinner with me. It makes me feel good, and I don't do it too often to make others feel uncomfortable. Generally, it is repaid in kind the next time we have lunch /dinner one on one.

I also have a few friends who immediately say to the waitress, "separate checks, please".
 

An ex (before he became an ex) invited me out to a restaurant. When the bill came, he said, "I don't have any money, you'll have to pay." I paid because I didn't want the owners to call the police. This happened a couple of times.

He also did this with his daughter when she was going through a very rough time (financially and otherwise).

He pulled the same stunt in the grocery store, and when we filled up with gas while driving to see HIS relatives. He was incorrigible, and it was a main reason for our breakup. (He had more money than I did.)

No one else ever did this to me. Although once, many years ago, my friend and I both forgot our wallets. I was held hostage in the restaurant for about an hour, while she went home to get money.
 
LadyEmeraude said:
How did you or would you handle that
or any similar situation?
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I'd start by looking at the bill and talking about how much mine cost. Doesn't always work but sometimes.

Had the opposite problem, years ago had a brother in law who's father always like to make a big show of picking up the check, argued with anyone who tried to pay. BIL told me that if I discretely gave him money he would take it, did that once and he did. Then I went back to offering him cash more publicly, even pushing the money to him. He continued to refuse if anyone else was watching. Decided not to support his hypocrisy by continuing to offer in public. Also ate out with him less, just didn't feel good.
 
JaniceM said:
Seems to me that's the most sensible approach- have the info agreed on before the meal.
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On the other hand, when it was MY birthday party with 8 family members at the table at my favorite Toronto cafe... I said loudly. This is on me, order anything you want, and I will pay for it. I had told the manager beforehand that I would pay the bill. No one objected. Grin. JimB.
 
jimintoronto said:
On the other hand, when it was MY birthday party with 8 family members at the table at my favorite Toronto cafe... I said loudly. This is on me, order anything you want, and I will pay for it. I had told the manager beforehand that I would pay the bill. No one objected. Grin. JimB.
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Well that is generous..I expect others to pay for me on my birthday :D and I pay for them on their birthdays
 
Well last week this situation happened to me. Six of us, half of the six looking to
me to pay the full tab (because I had a couple times before) for a special occasion,
but this little get together was different. So what I did was, in a relaxed tone, I said
"well, I only have cash you all, so ya better call for separate checks, as I won't be
treating on this one" and then I asked why they felt I was paying the tab? Mostly
three of them said, well because you did couple times before" SO I said, that was
before and this is NOW" Always bring the means to pay for your own meal, unless
someone has specified they are covering the tab ahead of time, don't assume...
"
 
The first year my husband was teaching, finances were tight. We went out with a bunch of his co-workers. People were ordering bottles of wine; we didn’t have any. We’d chosen our meals carefully to be able to afford this outing. Then the bill came and all of sudden none of these folks had any basic arithmetic skills. Money went in the pile and it wasn’t enough. Finally my husband topped it up and we never went to one of these restaurant events again with them.
 
I'll occasionally pick up the tab for a small group of friends or relatives. If there are several of us, we usually ask for separate checks. Sometimes people want to pay for me. While that's nice, I prefer to pay for myself. When the waitress takes my order, I whisper in her ear to make sure she presents me with a check, as I don't want anyone else paying for me.

What I don't like is "splitting" the bill. Inevitably, I drink less and order less food than my dining companions. So, I'm not only paying for my meal but also paying for part of their meal. I end up chipping in equally because I don't want to nitpick over who had what, but it gets annoying when I'm always paying more than my share. That's why I prefer separate checks.
 
Packerjohn said:
I have met this very nice lady. We have gone on 7 dates. I have paid for 6 of them; she paid for 1. I am starting to get suspicious! Like what happened to the so called women's lib? They want equality but they seem to also want free meals? Doesn't seem fair to me!
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To me, it's a matter of who asked whom to dinner. If that's not it (for you), then you'd need to clarify — ahead of time.
 
Devi said:
To me, it's a matter of who asked whom to dinner. If that's not it (for you), then you'd need to clarify — ahead of time.
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Ho, ho! I hear you! She is a nice, attractive, talented and rather witty lady and hack, it's only money. As I say, "you can't take it with you when you go." Might spend it on a nice lady and have a nice evening. Thanks for you interesting comment.
 
This has happened to me just once, in what seemed to be a reasonably upmarket restaurant. I think there was about ten of us, and when we went in I had no idea I would be paying for it all until the bill arrived.

I was on holiday with a friend, & I was in a foreign county. We flew from where we were based to another city to visit some of his relatives for a couple of days, & to do some sightseeing. The food & drink was flowing nicely, and then when the bill came my friend asked me to pay.

I thought I may as well make the best of it, & my thoughts went to what one of our party had earlier said to me. This young woman of about 19 years, said she comes to this restaurant with her female friend about once per month. She said they are usually greeted with slow service, because she’s a woman.

I decided to give the money for the bill to this young woman, along with a substantial tip, so that she could call the server over & pay the bill for us all. I did this in the hope that see would be remembered & receive better service next time.

Where were you, I hear you ask. I was in Kolkata (Calcutta), India. I didn’t bother figuring out how much I had paid based on the exchange rate. I just thought, its India, it can’t be too expensive.
 
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NorthernLight said:
An ex (before he became an ex) invited me out to a restaurant. When the bill came, he said, "I don't have any money, you'll have to pay." I paid because I didn't want the owners to call the police. This happened a couple of times.

He also did this with his daughter when she was going through a very rough time (financially and otherwise).

He pulled the same stunt in the grocery store, and when we filled up with gas while driving to see HIS relatives. He was incorrigible, and it was a main reason for our breakup. (He had more money than I did.)

No one else ever did this to me. Although once, many years ago, my friend and I both forgot our wallets. I was held hostage in the restaurant for about an hour, while she went home to get money.
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There are many men out there who seem to think women are so desperate they should pay for their companionship. Fortunately the majority are good guys who earn trust and respect so don't bother with the others.
 
Packerjohn said:
I have met this very nice lady. We have gone on 7 dates. I have paid for 6 of them; she paid for 1. I am starting to get suspicious! Like what happened to the so called women's lib? They want equality but they seem to also want free meals? Doesn't seem fair to me!
Click to expand...

Hi Packerjohn, how are you?

I would imagine you are joking somewhat here, right? I am on your side in either case.

I am in a similar situation. Have been dating a nice woman for 3 months. I decided right off the bat I would pay for every date, with my ulterior motive being to make her like going out with me. And as 'proof' that I valued her companionship. And as a matter of respect. My respect for her, and her respect for me in letting me pay her way. If that makes sense. In a retro way.

She likes to go to inexpensive places, like Chinese restaurants, fortunately! And she has a 'movie pass' card that gets her into movies for free, and once it got me in free too.

Now that I think of it, she eats over at my place a lot and man, she has a big appetite, lol.

I'm not complaining. She is terrific and I am lucky to have her around !

Best wishes !
 
I consider it before I even go...like the minute I'm invited. In fact, if someone says "Let's meet for lunch or dinner sometime," I always negotiate for a day when I know I can cover it. Even if the person insists I don't, I want to be able to.

If I'm not in a position to cover the whole tab, I'll just tell the person who's inviting me/us that my wallet's a bit light right now, or I'll just ask if it's ok if we split the tab or have separate tabs. But usually, if someone invites you out...when it's their invitation, they don't expect you to pay the whole tab. (unless they weren't taught social norms)
 

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