Time for a big move

V

Victor

Senior Member
Location
midwest USA
For years I have been planning to move to Colorado and I finally have the money and free time to do this. I had major family business to finalize. But now I am getting nervous about my relocation. I would be moving alone to a state where I know no one,
but then I don't have friends or family anywhere to speak of. I really am not giving up anything here. One sister who I don't see frequently and a friend I also don't see much. Others I know have their own families and lives.
I will be even more alone where I go. Not even an acquaintance, And yet I have been talking about moving for years and years! Because I am sick of the big city where I live. I need a major change.
This is my retirement, starting late in my life. I think I will go for an extended visit maybe a month to look at rentals. Does that sound right?
Moving is expensive and a huge amount of work for a low energy person like me. I am not happy now but what if I am not happy there either? No one gives me any encouragement or discouragement, which makes me think no one cares. As you know, sameness and familiarity can be very comfortable especially later in life.

Thoughts?
 

I've moved several times with no specific plan in place as far as where I would live. You may have to spend a few weeks in a motel but with that there is usually a free continental breakfast :D

Do as I do, look at it as an adventure. And if you don't like it, move on to the next adventure.
 
I can relate to your situation somewhat, Victor. I lived in Littleton, Colo.many years ago and loved it. Good luck with your move and I hope you can settle in and be happy.
 
You sound a lot like me, Victor. :) I don't much like where I live and I can think of other places I think I'd like more, but I already have cold feed about actually moving to any of them. Sounds like you have dreamed of living in Colorado for some time.
You're fortunate that you have the money to move. Maybe you could take some time to just go out there and drive around and check it out? Summer would seem like a good time to go -- better than winter! -- but when I was seriously thinking of moving to Michigan I wanted to go check it out in the wintertime since I've never lived up north.

I know it sucks not having any real friends. I have a few where I used to live but haven't seen any of them in over two years (I've been gone nearly 4). I don't have any friends here, either, no way to get out and meet people. If I'm gonna move where I don't know anybody I want the place I move to to be a place where I want to be, with places I want to spend time in, so I won't be lonely, because I'll be doing things I like to do. And maybe make some friends doing them.

I don't know why it seems scarier moving to a strange place where I don't know anyone than it is living someplace where I don't know anyone either. Where I live now might as well be a strange place for all I get to enjoy it and do things.
 
I moved from the midwest to Montana without ever have seen the state, with one dtr, cat and dog in tow. I was in my late 30's so it was much easier physically and mentally than it would be now. I've never regretted it although there were some very lonely times for awhile. We stayed in a motel with kitchenette a few weeks until I found a rental. Best of luck to you!
 
Victor, Colorado is beautiful. I think going there on a sort of look-see vacation type trip would be a good idea. ALSO, I don't know what the winter is like where you live, or where exactly in CO you are thinking about, but DO do some research on what the winters are like where you are thinking of moving. My son lived in CO for a couple of years and the winters where he was were awful and that's the biggest reason he and his family moved back here. You don't want to jump from the frying pan to the fire, so to speak.

Another consideration, especially if you have any kind of breathing difficulty, would be the altitude in many locations.

Have you checked around in your own state to see if there is anywhere you would like?
 
I am a fan of "Active Adult" communities. Most everyone there is from elsewhere and thereby creating a social situation that you will need.
 
Your plan is a good one, Victor! We have moved around a lot over the years for work and we are planning a big move from Tennessee to Maine for retirement. This time WE get to pick the place. We thought about all the things we would need (affordable housing, good health care, etc) , things we would want (good knitting or craft shops, theater to attend, good library, etc) and, of course - people to know. It is always hard to try to fit in and it takes YEARS to make friends - especially since we don't have the children to run interference. It was hard to settle in here but the internet finally made a difference. Anyway, we took our fact-finding trip last October.

First, we stayed in a Bed & Breakfast since it is easier to talk to people there. The owners of this one were new to the city too so were eager to help. I belong to a spinning/weaving/knitting online website called Ravelry. Various groups post discussions so I did a search, before we left, for what was in Maine. A few groups in Portland popped up and I posted a note that I was coming to visit - with the thought of moving there. Several gals reached out and were happy to share information. One gal even invited us to her house then she & her husband took us to lunch and toured us around the city. Another couple, my Brother-in-law knew, also took us to lunch and toured us around. We had a ball!!

We also had a list of addresses to drive by. One was a Medically oriented gym - no prescription required. They had changed their name and we couldn't find it so I called them. We were invited in for a tour and were so impressed! They were so friendly and the place was amazing! Also - since my husband has Parkinsons, we were interested in the neurology support as well as any other support. Someone suggested calling the Maine Hospital Help line. I did, and they gave me several names to contact. I called one guy who said he wasn't involved any more, and was about to move to Connecticut to be near his children, BUT, he spoke to me at length then even called me back twice with more information!

Another thing we did - I had donated some money to a Kickstarter business start-up in Kittery, Maine. I donated enough to garner a tour of a Sake' Brewery. We made an appointment ahead of time and drove down one morning for our tour. Again, had a ball. It was super interesting and we sat and talked for over an hour. The owner was great! He also drew us a map and recommended several good restaurants for the trip back to Portland.

So, now we already know people!! You must have some hobbies or sports or health needs that you will be looking for in Colorado. Make a list. Do some research on line. Take the addresses and go visit. We stopped in the Scarborough Library - they always have community announcements - and asked about senior programs. One gal was very candid and told us if we were looking for state funded assistance, we wouldn't find it here. The area isn't wealthy enough to have a Senior Center. I wasn't actually looking for that but was hoping there were some groups that might take trips or attend concerts. She said the library hosts some things like that so - there are things too do everywhere.

After our lunch and tour, the knitting gal had her group coming to her house. As they filtered in we were introduced and several of them had the same Realtor to recommend. Since she was so enthusiastically recommended, we called her and met up the last day of our trip. She was fantastic - listened to what we wanted and pointed out a couple of neighborhoods we might like. We drove around after and thought - gee, we could really live here! I am so over the suburbs thing and are looking for a place where we don't HAVE to get in the car to go anywhere. Want to be close enough to the city to do things downtown but my husband doesn't think he would be able to navigate narrow streets & traffic so well - so we don't necessarily want to live right downtown. (they still have some cobbled streets in Portland too) This makes it easier to look at real estate on line as we have targeted several areas.

We are planning another trip up next spring - perhaps to do some house hunting. I would certainly recommend you make an extended trip and give it a serious look around. I have seen people post, on other forums, that they had vacationed there once and liked it, packed up and moved, only to find it wasn't like that all year round or it was very politically different! We have lived in Connecticut and Rhode Island so we have an idea of what to expect from New England. Its too hot down south and too crowded in between. Good luck and let us know where you land!!
 
Guitarist, where do you live? Why can't you get out more. You sound sorta like me.

(When I saw the name guitarist, I thought you are a man.)

I am not worried about the winter. I have already been through huge snows and subzero weather.
The midwest geography bores me.
 
Colorado, especially the mountains, is a beautiful place. I grew up in Denver, and have lots of family there, and we go back for a nice visit every couple of years. However, the career took me to the Midwest, and now all our immediate family roots are here.

Things to consider....the cost of living can be a bit expensive in Colorado, compared to the Midwest. The weather, depending upon where you go, can be a factor...if you settle in the mountains, you would have to contend with lots of snow and colder Winters. However, the sun shines 300+ days of the year, so if you settle on the Eastern or Western slopes, the snow quickly melts...unlike parts of the Midwest where it may stay bitter for days.

On the flip side...if you don't have any friends where you presently live, how will you make lasting contacts in Colorado...or anywhere else? Perhaps you might consider joining some social groups, and making new contacts where you currently live....church, ex military, senior activities, etc., etc. Friends are easy to make...but you must make the first move and effort to find some.
 
Victor, I think your one month plan is an excellent idea. That's long enough to actually get a feel for living there and yet not so long that your current home is "abandoned". I would choose the worst time of the year you think your new home would face to visit so you see and feel it at the worst and know that every other part of the year would be better. Check out VRBO.com or AirBNB.com to look for apartments or homes to rent short term for your trial visit. That way you aren't being swayed by the inconvenience and not-so-realistic experience from staying in a hotel. The one thing I think you should really do before though is to sit down and write out what you think will make this better than your current home. Along with the what, you need to have a plan as to how you would reach those goals. You can't just move and expect everything to be instantly better, you need to know your own limitations and do a little introspective searching. Wishing you all the luck and that you find not only what you want but what you need.
 
Good luck in Colorado Victor maybe someday I will see you there. I love the look and feel of Colorado I visited my brother there back in the 80's and I fell in love with it then. Of course life took me in another direction but I do visit the area. It is pricey that is for sure. However if you look around you can find deals just like everywhere.

If you are moving to find happiness, you will not find happiness in Colorado or anywhere else. Happiness only exists inside of you. Sure you can be happy anywhere, but the happy has to exist inside of you first. It may take a trip to Colorado to spark some happy, snicker.

My next trip is in the fall to Durango to ride the steam train, I cannot wait. That is gonna be fun, I may even dress the part. After all I do have a nice old pocket watch I cannot wait to pull out while I am standing on the platform and make a smarmy comment about the train being behind schedule.

So the best advise I can give is "Don't worry and be happy"
 
I am moving to find happiness and I may or may not find it there. Happiness is a matter of degrees from the lowest to highest. I will not reach the highest. Or to put it another way, if depression is in the basement, I hope to reach the first or second floor UP.

Fact is I am in my upper 60's and I tire easily and have low energy usually. I was more optimistic when I lived there briefly in my 30's but I had no money at all then.
I visited Durango once long ago passing through. I would not want to live there.
 
Now I am having second thoughts about moving. I still have not gone to check the apartments.
I am planning this in early Sept. for 12 days or less. A month is too long for me and my cat.
My apartment choices are limited to several brick buildings because I hate their wood frame" cookie cutter" buildings that are so common there.

I had plane reservations in July and canceled the day before because of anxiety, uncertainties. (American refunded my ticket with doctor's note)
American Airlines has great customer service IMO! I have health concerns like mild asthma and lack of energy,,,I am over 65...
Am I making excuses?
I do not have the money to have 2 nice homes--one here and one in Colorado.( expensive there and housing is in VERY tight market because it is so
popular and has legal weed.)

So I will need a compromising backup plan.
 
You have to feel good about the move and trust your gut. If you're feeling anxious and unsure, that's definitely worth paying attention to.

When I was 50 I moved to the Boulder CO area without ever having been there and without a job. Before I left, my gut said this is a great idea and I was up for the adventure. It worked out beautifully. I rented an apartment long distance before I left and drove across country with a friend. I got a job within a month, and it all worked out fine. I met wonderful people and lived there happily for a few years. The winters were very easy on the Front Range and the natural beauty was stunning.

It sounds like your motivation might be more to get away from your current location and not as much about what you're going to. Are there locations that might be attractive to you within a shorter radius from your current location? That way it might not feel so drastic.

I'm having similar anxious feelings about moving south where I have some family I'd like to live closer to. I've been there twice in the past 4 months to look around, and it just doesn't feel right. I keep trying to make it feel right (square peg/round hole sort of feeling), but can't seem to come around to the right feeling or find an area I'd feel comfortable in. I know there are great places there, but I haven't found it yet.

A trip to Colorado in September is a great time to go, and if your gut feelings still feel like it's not the right place or time, it's okay not to go through with it. I hope you have a wonderful trip and find the right place easily.
 
Visiting for a while seems like a reasonable approach. Seeking out types of communities that may offer social connections might be something to consider. It is hard to seek out new friendships when you get to be our age, but we can maybe try new things to meet new people. What attracts you to Colorado? I have ever been there but I understand it is a beautiful state. You may be more confident if you spend time there, preferably all the seasons. You know, even if you decide not to go maybe you can still spend some significant time out there.
 
I returned from my apartment hunting after 8 days with rather disappointing results. For the space I need in an apt. I need to spend at least $1000. a month plus utilities. I am single with no dependants, no other obligations. For me it is barely affordable or not affordable, given my income from pensions and all my investments included, including many stocks. IF I plan to stay retired (not work) and
live this way at least another 10 years. I am 69. If I live beyond 80-82 I will run out of money. I doubt any one would hire me at my age or older, at a respectable job. I really thought I could live in a smaller apt. but I must have a new home that is significantly larger than my own. I can find one for under $1000. but these are smaller one bedroom
places. It is tough like looking for a job in the Denver vicinity because of the competition. Due partly to the law legalizing weed. You are expected to move in quickly and I have not begun to pack. If I began to pack up, I have no place to put the boxes, literally, in my small place!
I saw one place with more room than I need in a nice suburb for $1000. but I must move quickly to get it. Or get one in the future.
I figured my finances and I can barely afford it, assuming no big unexpected expenses, if I use about 42% of my income and investments for the next 11 years or so. (5% of assets per year, est.)
Excludes car insurance and major car repairs, if any. Excludes major health bills. I have no other regular payments to make. Currently, I use about 30% of my income and no investment money. I save money where I live now with a modest frugal lifestyle.
Well, that was my dream for decades because I'd be happier there.,but I am unsure what to do. I could always move to another distant suburb in the state I live in.
I spent an enormous amount of time researching the choices and with countless phone calls and emails.
Admittedly, part of me is fearful of such a big move to where I know no one at all, including business contacts. And that is partly why I feel reluctance. It is not a gut feeling--just anxiety. Thank you for reading this. What do you think?
 
Victor, I would have similar anxiety for an apartment that was $1000/month, not knowing anyone at this age, and the work and timing of moving. Those are big pieces for sure. The rent will increase annually as well, so it wouldn't be unthinkable in five years for it to be $1500/month or more. Even before weed was legal there, the rental housing market was very competitive as is the job market, which I learned firsthand when I lived there.

Even though it was your dream for a long time to relocate there, there's a lot to be said for the benefits of staying put and continuing to live frugally. My advice at this age is to do the most pragmatic thing. Perhaps staying put would allow you to take trips to other places as a fun vacation instead to get the best of both worlds.
 

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