trying to make sense of the world after psychotic episode

[Mr. Ed]

My first psychotic episode happened in 1975. I was searching for reality and gained spiritual connectedness, which to me is the same. But that's not what this post is about. I used to think of the old cliche life is a game, but I took playing the game of life to a different meaning as people making the right choices at the right time advanced to higher levels in the playing field. All participants playing life advance according to merit and the ability to survive. Each participant has their own unique circumstances. They must learn how to use their particular circumstance to advance to new levels of consciousness.

With this in mind, I used to drive around in my car looking for signs that allowed me to move forward in my quest for reality. Sometimes it might be a person or an object that would be the key to unlocking the next level. Of course, my concept of hidden doorways and life as a video game was delusional, but it was fun roaming around the countryside, looking for signs and secret keys for unlocking the psychedelic mind.

People don't change, they move to the next level.

 

[Remy]

That's got to be scary and unsettling. While I suffer from chronic anxiety, depression and self deprecation, I'm in touch with reality. Usually. Sometimes my bad thoughts can get the worst of me.

I don't know why I didn't become a personality disorder when my brother did. I can't diagnose him, but I'm pretty sure he has narcissism. Especially when I got more of my mother's direct abuse than he did.

The mind is a complex thing. And mine is often not in a good place.