We’re in Watercolor Florida for the week.

Ronni

Ronni

Well-known Member
Location
Nashville TN
I’ve been holding all my broken pieces together since Devin died, with frayed string and an iron will, and now, finally, we’ve arrived at my favorite Florida destination for a week of desperately needed therapeutic do-nothing time, so I can just let go. I’ve been trying to get away for the last two months.

I want a week free of have-to’s, free of clock watching and being ruled by time. I want the freedom to watch movies back to back all day, do Lego whenever I want, stay in bed till noon, stretch out on the porch swing and watch the world go by.

I want to just be, for a little while, let life take me where it wants, lean into the emotional turmoil inside me, and purge what I can. I won’t be healed, or made whole again, I will always be incomplete without my boy, but I hope for a measure of relief, a small island of calm in the turmoil.

Since we’ve arrived, just a couple hours ago, I can feel the dam I’ve built to contain my emotional turmoi,l starting to crumble. Tamping down my emotion constantly because I’m at the store or with a client or eating dinner out or the thousand other reasons that I can’t sob uncontrollably in that moment, has worn me out, and down.

I think it’s part of the reason I’ve had so many headaches when I was hardly bothered with them before. When I start to cry but know I can’t in that moment, there’s a tightening at the back of my throat along with a teeth clamping thing, plus a physical bearing down that leaves me shaking,

It’s what I do, all the time. I need to release that, need the time and space to do that. And I’m terrified of the storm that’s coming.
 

You are very lucky to be able to afford a vacation. It means a lot, to have means. Don't forget that. When I was bereaved over my husband's sudden death, I had no such escape. It could have helped tremendously. (((Ronni)))
 
Pepper said:
You are very lucky to be able to afford a vacation. It means a lot, to have means. Don't forget that. When I was bereaved over my husband's sudden death, I had no such escape. It could have helped tremendously. (((Ronni)))
Click to expand...
I don’t have the means. Why do you think it took me so long to be able to get away @Pepper? I have no budget for this. I’m not flush, we don’t make a lot money. And even less for me these last few months because I’ve taken so much time away from work because of Devin’s death.

I’m 71 years old and still working full time. Ron’s 78 and doing the same. What does that tell you?

Please don’t assume. We’re at a friend’s beach house who DOES have the means and was so kind to allow us to use it. We emptied our fridge and pantry and brought it all with us so that we don’t have to spend much money on food. Our family is watching our dogs so that we don’t have to pay to board them somewhere. We couldn’t board them anyway we can’t afford it. Thankfully the journey isn’t more than a tank of gas each way and we’re not availing ourselves of any amenities or activities that we have to pay for while we’re here.

I am truly sorry about the loss of your husband. I wouldn’t wish this emotional pain of loss on anyone. But because I was able to find a way to get away, and you weren’t, doesn’t make my pain easier to bear.
 

Last edited:
Ronni said:
I’ve been holding all my broken pieces together since Devin died, with frayed string and an iron will, and now, finally, we’ve arrived at my favorite Florida destination for a week of desperately needed therapeutic do-nothing time, so I can just let go. I’ve been trying to get away for the last two months.

I want a week free of have-to’s, free of clock watching and being ruled by time. I want the freedom to watch movies back to back all day, do Lego whenever I want, stay in bed till noon, stretch out on the porch swing and watch the world go by.

I want to just be, for a little while, let life take me where it wants, lean into the emotional turmoil inside me, and purge what I can. I won’t be healed, or made whole again, I will always be incomplete without my boy, but I hope for a measure of relief, a small island of calm in the turmoil.

Since we’ve arrived, just a couple hours ago, I can feel the dam I’ve built to contain my emotional turmoi,l starting to crumble. Tamping down my emotion constantly because I’m at the store or with a client or eating dinner out or the thousand other reasons that I can’t sob uncontrollably in that moment, has worn me out, and down.

I think it’s part of the reason I’ve had so many headaches when I was hardly bothered with them before. When I start to cry but know I can’t in that moment, there’s a tightening at the back of my throat along with a teeth clamping thing, plus a physical bearing down that leaves me shaking,

It’s what I do, all the time. I need to release that, need the time and space to do that. And I’m terrified of the storm that’s coming.
Click to expand...
Good to hear you're getting away and have more freedom to follow your heart and needs. Thinking of you....hugs.
 
Watercolor is a healing place, I feel.

When I was up there with my dying mother, I found someone to sit with her so I could take an hour at dawn to drive over to watercolor for a brisk nature hike and a fast visit to the beach.

I know you will feel better, body and soul, after a week there. Go back to the lake and meditate on the beautiful view. End up at the beach and breath in all those negative ions....in this case, negative is definitely positive.

I'm glad you have this opportunity.
 
Last afternoon in Florida. An exciting and wonderful discovery! We’ll be baaaaack! 🌱🌴💦🐟🛶

It’s interesting that even though we’re at the beach, I find that I’m resonating with green, verdant, lakeside ambience.
IMG_0105.jpeg
IMG_0107.jpeg

IMG_0104.jpegIMG_0106.jpegIMG_0108.jpeg
 
Last edited:
Ronni said:
View attachment 340030Last afternoon in Florida. An exciting and wonderful discovery! We’ll be baaaaack! 🌱🌴💦🐟🛶

It’s interesting that even though we’re at the beach, I find that I’m resonating with green, verdant, lakeside ambience.View attachment 340023View attachment 340025View attachment 340026View attachment 340028
Click to expand...
Thanks for the peaceful and lovely photos and letting us know how things are going. I feel very happy for you, take care my friend, we are thinking of you. 💙
 
Hope you had 'a good week'
and it was beneficial and refreshing!😉
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top