We are all here, cause most of us are in the same boat....We are swimming along to keep safe...

peppermint

Senior Member
Location
East Coast
It's sad that some take a quote a different way....We all have our say when we are here....Maybe we post something that someone doesn't like.
We are all different souls....I posted here when I found this A friend told me about....
Anyway, I just got blasted from a person I don't even KNOW.....We know it's a cruel world at this time in our lives....I've been in forums
for a very long time...I don't do face book….Maybe we have to lower our standards OR MINE....But I always said, Speak your mind even though
someone doesn't like you...We are all different in many ways....If that person doesn't like me....SO BE IT..
 

jerry old

redneck, but brainy
1. I don't think the folks on this forum are intentionally demeaning, rather a particular topic hits a nerve and they respond
from an event of many years ago.

2. We then interpret the post thorough our layers of memories and emotions; it is a wonder that we can communicate at all..

3 Then there are the 'other.'

But, what do I know? I let my head shrinking license expire decades ago.
 

Phoenix

Senior Member
Location
Oregon, U S
It's sad that some take a quote a different way....We all have our say when we are here....Maybe we post something that someone doesn't like.
We are all different souls....I posted here when I found this A friend told me about....
Anyway, I just got blasted from a person I don't even KNOW.....We know it's a cruel world at this time in our lives....I've been in forums
for a very long time...I don't do face book….Maybe we have to lower our standards OR MINE....But I always said, Speak your mind even though
someone doesn't like you...We are all different in many ways....If that person doesn't like me....SO BE IT..
I don't do Facebook either for a number of reasons. I did have an account and it got locked up for some unknown reason. I tried to find someone to fix it for me, but no one bothered. I agree, if someone doesn't like me, they can ignore me. In the long run as the old timers said, "It's all water under the bridge."
 

Gaer

unrepentant sinner
I've noticed, Someone will "blast" me on one thread and "like"me on another thread. They hate me and call me names about one issue and Like me on another issue. What? I'm confused!
I guess the most gracious way to handle this is to not respond when they call you names and respond only to the issue of the particular thread, not hold grudges against the person who attacked you.
I do this except for one person who was vicious and relentless in her attacks. I avoid her like the plague!
Oh! Maybe that's not the best wordage at this point in time!
Peppermint: Arn't you the one with the great taste in music?
 
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tbeltrans

Senior Member
It is sad when somebody does this sort of thing. Wouldn't it be more kind to ask what a person means than to assume and blast away?

I have left most of the forums I used to participate in, closing my active circle as the world seems to get meaner. I sincerely hope I don't have to do that here. I do certainly understand, and sympathize with the OP on this one.

Tony
 

Phoenix

Senior Member
Location
Oregon, U S
I do think that we often may not realize that when someone disagrees with us on a certain point that they are not attacking us. They just have a different opinion. Sometimes we ourselves may not realize our words are taken to mean something we did not mean. I remember in speech class the instructor talking about perception. She said, "What I said may not be what you heard."
 

tbeltrans

Senior Member
I do think that we often may not realize that when someone disagrees with us on a certain point that they are not attacking us. They just have a different opinion. Sometimes we ourselves may not realize our words are taken to mean something we did not mean. I remember in speech class the instructor talking about perception. She said, "What I said may not be what you heard."

I have brought this point up over and over again in forums where I was attacked for a post. Rarely was I ever attacked on the basis of my intention, but instead always on the basis of what somebody else's interpretation is. I think communication is the most difficult thing we do and I suspect that talking about the weather or sports is a "Safe" way to stay in contact with other people without "going for the jugular". :)

We may think we know what somebody else is saying, but until/unless we seek to be sure by asking, we simply can't know.

It is hard enough to do this in person, but in a forum, all we have is words - we are missing all the normal aspects of communication that give our words context such as tone of voice, facial expression, and body language. We can use smileys and that sort of thing, but these still don't convey what we are trying to say.

So just maybe, instead of attacking, our response post should be something along the lines of "did you really mean to say...?", to which the other person can say "no, I meant ...", and so on. In face to face conversation, such clarification takes only a second or two, but in a forum it is clunky as heck, and therefore people don't do it and instead assume and attack.

Tony
 

Phoenix

Senior Member
Location
Oregon, U S
I have brought this point up over and over again in forums where I was attacked for a post. Rarely was I ever attacked on the basis of my intention, but instead always on the basis of what somebody else's interpretation is. I think communication is the most difficult thing we do and I suspect that talking about the weather or sports is a "Safe" way to stay in contact with other people without "going for the jugular". :)

We may think we know what somebody else is saying, but until/unless we seek to be sure by asking, we simply can't know.

It is hard enough to do this in person, but in a forum, all we have is words - we are missing all the normal aspects of communication that give our words context such as tone of voice, facial expression, and body language. We can use smileys and that sort of thing, but these still don't convey what we are trying to say.

So just maybe, instead of attacking, our response post should be something along the lines of "did you really mean to say...?", to which the other person can say "no, I meant ...", and so on. In face to face conversation, such clarification takes only a second or two, but in a forum it is clunky as heck, and therefore people don't do it and instead assume and attack.

Tony
I agree. You make an excellent points.
 

Bonnie

SF VIP
Location
Houston
I have brought this point up over and over again in forums where I was attacked for a post. Rarely was I ever attacked on the basis of my intention, but instead always on the basis of what somebody else's interpretation is. I think communication is the most difficult thing we do and I suspect that talking about the weather or sports is a "Safe" way to stay in contact with other people without "going for the jugular". :)
..................

Sports??? .. I guess you've never been on a Sports board.. :ROFLMAO:
 

tbeltrans

Senior Member
Sports??? .. I guess you've never been on a Sports board.. :ROFLMAO:

You are correct. I am not into sports at all. I just assumed that since sports doesn't matter in the real world (i.e. it doesn't dictate policy, educate, save lives, etc.) it would be a safe haven for discussion among those who follow it.

I was raised with the idea that I should participate in the things that interest me. Instead of watching a baseball game on TV, go out and play the game. My dad felt there was no point in watching somebody else have all the fun instead of being a participant. So, I got involved in those things that interested me, and still do to this day.

If I were, say, really involved in baseball, I would watch the pros to see how to handle situations that I would encounter in a game. It just seems silly to me to memorize stats of people I don't even know, talk about them and their lives, etc. I used to work with a guy who was a Vikings football team fan. Monday night football was a big deal back then. If the Vikings lost, he would be upset all week. I would ask him why he put control of his emotions in the hands of people making gobs of money just playing a game, who know and care nothing about him as a fan? He never could come up with a rational answer.

The whole craze over sports just seems weird to me. I could understand all the kids who are actually playing the game being into it, but for all those folks who are just watching, it seems weird to me. Getting mad at somebody because s/he likes and follows an opposing team to mine also seems weird. Yelling at the TV when a player does something wrong, is again just plain weird.

I guess I am just not on that whole bandwagon. :)

Edit: though I have expressed my feelings on sports, based on how I was raised, I should add that I have many friends and acquaintances who fit exactly what I am talking about here. I don't have anything negative to say to them about their interest in following sports. If that is what they like, it is not my place to tell them otherwise. My views on this are just that - my views.

Tony
 
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OneEyedDiva

Well-known Member
Location
New Jersey
I've noticed, Someone will "blast" me on one thread and "like"me on another thread. They hate me and call me names about one issue and Like me on another issue. What? I'm confused!
I guess the most gracious way to handle this is to not respond when they call you names and respond only to the issue of the particular thread, not hold grudges against the person who attacked you.
I do this except for one person who was vicious and relentless in her attacks. I avoid her like the plague!
Oh! Maybe that's not the best wordage at this point in time!
Peppermint: Arn't you the one with the great taste in music?
Well I thought we were supposed to be well behaved and not call each other names. (??) I thought such posts would be deleted (??)
Peppermint...if that person is not paying your rent and putting food on your table...guess what? He or she does not count. :sneaky:
 

tbeltrans

Senior Member
@tbeltrans At one point in time, I helped run an NFL sports board w/some friends ... it was non-stop assault and abuse 24/7 - and many times from people on the same side ...lol

That is what I don't understand - WHY the abuse? I have seen it in guitar forums, piano forums - places where one would think everybody is on the same side (i.e. sharing a common interest) rather than opposing sides.

To further explain, there is apparently a "rivalry" between the Vikings and the Packers. I could see there being "abuse" being tossed between those who follow opposing teams, though hopefully in fun. However, it does seem that the abuse soon becomes very real. At least, in this situation there is some sort of opposition that some feel warrants abuse.

Why would that be the case with something such as learning to play the guitar or piano?

Tony
 

tbeltrans

Senior Member
I've always believed that too. Chances are good that it isn't you at the heart of their problem.

I have read in a number of different places that most of the time, they way people react to you (me...) has little to do with us, but instead with other things going on in their lives. That is supposed to help us not take such things personally, but I still have trouble with such encounters anyway and can understand how the OP feels.

Tony
 

Duster

Member
Location
Deep South, US
There's an article, paraphrased that said, "Dying man regrets not spending more time arguing with strangers on Facebook."
Of course, it's satire. So moronic!

Jeff Foxworthy has a bit in his radio comedy show, where he talks about the idiocy of anyone spending time fighting with strangers, who just don't matter. Of course, the perpetrators try to lure in unsuspecting victims in to harass them. Evidently, they have such a poor self esteem, they need to get someone pissed at them, in order to feel worthwhile.

Bottom line is, these strangers views DON'T MATTER and are better to ignore. You gave your opinion, why should you feel like you have to defend it? You don't. These peons are the dregs of society. They'll go away, if ignored. Nothing they say matters to anyone.

My favorite line was said by someone on this board. Another poster was worried/concerned about someone's opinion about him/her.
The reply was, " What someone thinks of you is NOT any of your business". Wasn't that brilliant?
 

Ceege

Member
Location
Michigan
My favorite line was said by someone on this board. Another poster was worried/concerned about someone's opinion about him/her.
The reply was, " What someone thinks of you is NOT any of your business". Wasn't that brilliant?
Yes.

When you really think about it, there are almost 8 billion people in this world. Way too many to please or agree with. And who would want to? Diversity is what makes this world interesting. If you are happy with how you live your life and how you think about things, that is really all that matters. If someone doesn't like you or what you think about some things, that theirs to deal with. Their real problem is confusing adding something interesting to a conversation with feeling they need to feel better or smarter by demeaning someone else.

The best advice my father gave me was that no matter where I go, I'm going to run into at least one person who doesn't agree with me. And if we can't discuss it in a civilized manner, just walk away.

Every time I've discussed something with someone who didn't agree with me, I either learned something from them or had my belief validated. And either way, I won.
 
It's sad that some take a quote a different way....We all have our say when we are here....Maybe we post something that someone doesn't like.
We are all different souls....I posted here when I found this A friend told me about....
Anyway, I just got blasted from a person I don't even KNOW.....We know it's a cruel world at this time in our lives....I've been in forums
for a very long time...I don't do face book….Maybe we have to lower our standards OR MINE....But I always said, Speak your mind even though
someone doesn't like you...We are all different in many ways....If that person doesn't like me....SO BE IT..

Take advantage of the "ignore" feature rather than engage with difficult people. It makes life much more pleasant. :)
 

win231

Well-known Member
Location
CA
I've noticed, Someone will "blast" me on one thread and "like"me on another thread. They hate me and call me names about one issue and Like me on another issue. What? I'm confused!
I guess the most gracious way to handle this is to not respond when they call you names and respond only to the issue of the particular thread, not hold grudges against the person who attacked you.
I do this except for one person who was vicious and relentless in her attacks. I avoid her like the plague!
Oh! Maybe that's not the best wordage at this point in time!
Peppermint: Arn't you the one with the great taste in music?
:ROFLMAO: How dare you spell "Aren't" that way! Wassamattawichu? :ROFLMAO:
 


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