Went to the Grief support group today

Marie5656

Marie5656

Well-known Member
Location
Batavia, NY
Today I attended my first meeting of the grief support group. This one is just for seniors who have lost spouses. There were only four of us there today, plus the facilitator. Two men, and two of us ladies. I was widowed the shortest amount of time, at just a few weeks. It was interesting to discuss feeling with people who were at different stages in their grieving.

I did mention in the group that this was my first time talking about my feelings with "strangers", meaning people other than friends or family.

I got some good reading material, and I did enjoy the meeting, despite the sad topic. The group meets twice a month, so the next meeting is on the 17th. I will definitely go back.
 

You're very brave to do this so early in your bereavement, I'm proud of you Marie. :love_heart: I hope this will be a great help to you in the coming months!!
 

I'm so glad you went. I can't say enough about support groups! I've attended a support group for post-divorce, abuse, and loved one of addict. They have all been phenomenal for me, helpful, supportive, wise, caring. I've established some very solid and enduring friendships from each of them.

I'm happy to hear you'll definitely go back!
 
So glad it was good for you, Marie. One of the vey hard things about grief is it tends to come in "waves" and having the comforting support of like minded people should truly help you "ride the waves". That's why they call it a "support" group.
 
My brother has been attending a grief support group since losing his wife 3 years ago and it has been soooo good for him! His is a very active group-they have different activities 7 nights a week. He doesn`t attend all of them,but he does attend many. Two nights a week they go out dancing and he loves it. One night he went to dinner with 5 ladies-he was the only man-and then to the movies. Of course,he loved that! He did meet one lady there that he eventually started dating but it ultimately didn`t work out because she wanted his house to be cleared of any pictures or memories of his late wife. Now he has been dating another woman from the group,whom I will meet on Father`s Day.
 
I think I will enjoy the experience. I guess attendance is rather fluid, not everyone comes every week. And the group dynamics is in steps. Hope I explain this well, my first few meetings will be with others who are also new to attending. Then it moves on to people who have been attending a while. More in depth and more people attending.
I think there are other activities planned, as well. I have not read all the literature they gave me yet.
 
My grief support group met once a week for a twelve week session. It's over now but we meet informally for lunch every Monday now....we number anywhere from four to eight or nine and we come from a diverse set of backgrounds. Some of us would have never crossed paths had we not lost someone dear to us and then enrolled in a support group.
 
Liberty said:
So glad it was good for you, Marie. One of the vey hard things about grief is it tends to come in "waves" and having the comforting support of like minded people should truly help you "ride the waves". That's why they call it a "support" group.
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It DOES come in waves. I remember when my mother died, I would go on for days and weeks and be OK, and then suddenly that tidal wave would come. I had to leave an important work meeting once because I was afraid I would fall apart in front of everybody.
 
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When my autistic adult son suddenly and unexpectedly died during a seizure, my nice neighbor periodically left me different stage grief books. In one of them was this thought: When your parent dies, you lose part of your past. When your spouse dies, you lose part of your present. When your child dies you lose part of your future.

Shortly after my son's death, I had one very brief but vivid dream that I was standing in the kitchen giving my son a big hug. I understand many people who lose their loved one suddenly like that, have similar last farewell dreams.

It's been almost six years since my son passed. When he was with me, because of his disability [autism and seizures] I always had to be alert to where he was and what he was doing. And still every now and then just for a second I think I sense him sitting in his favorite spot.
 
KingsX...so wonderful you have had this ongoing soul connection with your son. Obviously you two were so close for all those years and you were able to stay "open" to receive from him his assurances and love.

My mother ( a very independent person) became legally blind at 56. She lived with us for 26 years. She had a great "second run" in life traveling with a fellow company employee demonstrating a medical product at trade shows.

The year she was 81, during the Christmas holidays, she wanted to go into the office. She told those she knew well there that she had had a wonderful life - not to cry for her. She told me a very good friend, Reta, much younger than herself, who had passed away years before, was calling her to "come over". She told me "God and I got a deal. Long exits are bad theater."

On the morning of New Year's day, she had a massive stroke. I thanked God we were home that day - as we traveled a lot. She has come back to me many different times in palpable ways its hard to completely convey. Someday we'll understand the higher dimensions better.

Its wonderful you and your son have this so unique "soul connection". Its something awesome to look forward to, isn't it!
 
Last Monday I went to my second meeting, as I missed the one on the 17th due to my flat tire. I met a nice lady who lost her husband about 5-6 weeks ago. She shared that she went to a different support group (at a different agency) a couple weeks after her husband died and was made to feel unwelcome by the facilitator. She was as much as told that it was "too soon" for her to attend a grief group as her loss was still "too raw". Really? Obviously she did not go back. I liked her, she is close to my age and I see us developing a friendship down the road. We stood outside and had a nice chat for a few minutes after the meeting. We had a nice healing laugh too, when we talked about cooking for 1 being so different from cooking for 2
 
Very glad you have "connected" with someone Marie. That really helps get over the "wave days" as I called them when my mom died.
So nice to meet a new friend and be able to offer each other support. Keep on keeping on, gal!
 
KingsX said:
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When my autistic adult son suddenly and unexpectedly died during a seizure, my nice neighbor periodically left me different stage grief books. In one of them was this thought: When your parent dies, you lose part of your past. When your spouse dies, you lose part of your present. When your child dies you lose part of your future.

Shortly after my son's death, I had one very brief but vivid dream that I was standing in the kitchen giving my son a big hug. I understand many people who lose their loved one suddenly like that, have similar last farewell dreams.

It's been almost six years since my son passed. When he was with me, because of his disability [autism and seizures] I always had to be alert to where he was and what he was doing. And still every now and then just for a second I think I sense him sitting in his favorite spot.
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So sorry for your loss KingsX! Losing a child is the worst. I believe he is still with you in spirit based upon what you say you've sensed. My DIL just lost her nephew who died suddenly after what should have been a routine surgery. He was just 32. She and others have sensed his presence very strongly since then.
 
Marie, I don't remember if I gave my condolences on the loss of your husband. I lost mine in December and a lot was going on for a couple of months. Anyway...if I didn't say it before, I am very sorry for your loss. It's good that you found a support group to attend. This means you are doing what's necessary to help with the grieving/healing process...always better than allowing oneself to drown in grief.
 
The hospice where my wife spent her last days conducts different support groups. There is one for those in retirement years, another for those in their working years and another for loss of a parent. They are 6 sessions and are repeated quarterly. The Hospice is non-profit and has several locations around the county.
 
They did away with all the low-cost grief support groups around here. When I called after my mom died to ask about the low-cost one my stepmother found helpful after my dad died, they said "Oh, we don't offer that anymore." When I asked why not, she said, "We can't get any counselors to do it for low cost anymore; they say they can't afford it."

I then contacted about 6 other non-low cost counselors asking about group therapy (because in addition to being all I could afford, I thought I'd like being with others who were going through the same), all of whom said the only way to contact them was through e-mail, which I did, and I only heard back from 3, all of which said they didn't do group therapy anymore because it just doesn't work for women. The other 3 ignored me like I didn't exist. So I gave up.
 
The best grief support group I ever attended was long ago- 1982 -NJ-I have been widowed twice.
A young man with a small child had lost his wife and began the group himself in his home.
There were always at least 20 people at the meetings once a month, men and women, and in many different stages of grief.

He told us at one meeting, when a few new members came, why he had started the group-and how it had helped him, not only to be comfortable with others in grief over loss of a spouse, but planning the group and the meetings ( he would actually bake goodies for us, until some of us would take turns to bring goodies,) and he always had coffee and punch there), but he said it also gave him something positive to do -for others and that helped him a lot.

But that is not feasible for everyone-to start a grief group in their home.

Here in NY I believe the Office of the Aging might have some options for grief counseling. But I think it is sad that anyone in grief would have to pay for this, for one to one help- when a group of people with similar losses can be so effective.

There are many bereaved people here at SF and we, probably unlike most paid grief counselors, have first hand knowledge of how the grief process really is.
 


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