What happens when one wants a divorce and the other doesn't?

[Trish]

All I contend is that it isn't wrong for people to feel as she did, (it may be completely foolish, no argument there!).

Absolutely, she has every right to feel however she pleases, my intention wasn't to suggest otherwise

 

[grahamg]

I personally know several couples married for 30-50; years that sadly just totally dislike each other yet stay together with fear of being alone or for financial reasons with no experience of being single.
My ex and I divorced many years ago when our children were in their teens. It was a very traumatic time for me personally, but looking back it was the best for us both. We remain friends to this day and her new husband included. They are like family to me and we treasure the fact we forgave one another and let go and moved forward. We can lovingly respectfully spend holidays with our kids now adults and our grandkids. Funny I see her as like a sister vs my ex wife.
People either grow together or apart. After 20 years we discovered we were very different. But I will never regret that we let go and moved forward. I'm 71 years old now and at the moment single. Yeah it's a little challenging and at times wish it had a partner to share my life with. That would be wonderful, But I'd rather be alone than being miserable with someone I didn't love.
I still looking to be in love with someone. I'm optimistic that she's out there somewhere and we'll find one another. How nice to be with a best friend and someone I can bear my heart and soul to and know they will embrace me and I equally embrace her. Just talking for hours on end and laughing sharing. Optimistic.

Great response to the thread in my view, and I admire the level of acceptance you've achieved, (even as I know I haven't reached the point you've managed).

 

[grahamg]

Absolutely, she has every right to feel however she pleases, my intention wasn't to suggest otherwise

People are of course told to "move on", (with good reason very often I acknowledge, and I suppose I wished my friend had been able to do so more readily). However, the lady is as she is, and a fun person with the positive outlook generally we all like dont we, so you just have to be prepared to try to understand her feelings and leave it at that in my view, (as you've said! ).

 

[Jules]

Great response to the thread in my view, and I admire the level of acceptance you've achieved, (even as I know I haven't reached the point you've managed).

How many years has it been?

 

[Trish]

People are of course told to "move on", (with good reason very often I acknowledge, and I suppose I wished my friend had been able to do so more readily). However, the lady is as she is, and a fun person with the positive outlook generally we all like dont we, so you just have to be prepared to try to understand her feelings and leave it at that in my view, (as you've said! ).

Agreed. Of course, we all like fun and positive people and there is no reason (or suggestion) that your friend is anything else.

I am tempted to ask why you posted about your friend in the first place if you preferred to leave it at that but, I am going to resist

 

[grahamg]

How many years has it been?

Moi? (A long long time).
My friend a good number of years, (at least as long as they were married and that was sixteen years).
I think I achieved the necessary detachment from my ex. to me able to move on from her, by about two years after the marriage broke down.

 

[grahamg]

Agreed. Of course, we all like fun and positive people and there is no reason (or suggestion) that your friend is anything else.
I am tempted to ask why you posted about your friend in the first place if you preferred to leave it at that but, I am going to resist

Good idea, (we'll go round in circles, and I probably cant remember anyway! ).

 

[PCman]

Great response to the thread in my view, and I admire the level of acceptance you've achieved, (even as I know I haven't reached the point you've managed).

It wasn't an easy transition, but it was totally worth it. Divorced now some 20 years. We have a large family that we created together when we one were married. 2 daughter's and their husbands and 5 grandchildren that we can all enjoy together with no judgements just forgiveness add realization that we all still love and care for one another.

 

[ohioboy]

My parents had that dillemna many moons ago. The case ended up in the Supreme court. Needless to say they divorced and at least one person was very sad.

You mean the Ohio Supreme court or the U.S. Supreme Court?

 

[Raddragn]

My 2nd husband had a gradually increasing alcohol problem (of which I was totally unaware when we married. Several years into the marriage, he began demanding a divorce whenever he was angry with me. At the time, we had four children and I had dropped out of a 4 1/2 year nursnig program after only 3 years when I became pregnant with my first child. I had no way to support myself and 4 children and I knew I would never be able to count on him for any child support. It scared the heck out of me! My usual response was to tell him that I would not oppose it, but that I hoped he wouldn't do it. He didn't.
By the time we'd been married almost 12 years and the kids were all in school and able to stay home alone for short periods of time, I decided to go back to school and graduated 2 1/2 years later. I hung in there for 5 years longer until he asked me for a divorce one too many time. "You got it" was my response and the next day, I proceeded to call a lawyer.