What have you decided about generosity?

JBR said:
I would say that instances of being generous feel good. Still, my life experience has taught me that there is jeopardy in generosity.

Have you arrived at an approach to being generous that works for you? Or have you decided the risks make it too much trouble? Or...?

Any honest expression will be okey.
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The thing about generosity is that it's purpose isn't to make you feel good. The best way to avoid feeling you've been too generous or were generous to the "wrong person" is to give or do or whatever, and then forget all about it. Don't look back.
 
Murrmurr said:
The thing about generosity is that it's purpose isn't to make you feel good. The best way to avoid feeling you've been too generous or were generous to the "wrong person" is to give or do or whatever, and then forget all about it. Don't look back.
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I get that point. No, it's not its "purpose". But I'll just report my own feeling... I feel good in the moment, when I do something helpful to someone. For me, in most instances, there's no expectation of return.
 
I have been generous all my life, either my time, effort, or money. However, over time, I realized that I only had so much to give, and I wasn't always in a position to 'give.'

So I have started slowing down, in order to preserve the "energy/money flowing out." This is especially relevant when I gave to charitable orgnizations and nonprofits in the past. I realized I was just a number to them. This is also relevant to family members who were in need in the past. I helped them considerably, over and over again, but their needs were not abating but growing more and more, and I felt I was just throwing money in a pit. So I have learned to say "NO" for my self preservation.

So, yes, be generous, but if you can't pay your bills or have food to eat then you need to stop and take care of your needs first.
 
Don't worry about giving too much nor worry about your gift being misused or under appreciated because in the end justice or rewards will be dealt with. Just give when it's on your heart and you feel it's right. I agree with giving what you can but not more than you can. And not talking about it too much or at all.
 
hollydolly said:
that's been MY issue too... Way too generous with everything including my time.. and it's always bit me on the arse... seems the more I give, the more I do.. the worse I'm thought of.. and that's not a bitter whine.. it's just fact.
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well...since our labor..time and money were given with a merry heart...maybe our charity will cover a multitude of sin...hugs hon
 
JBR said:
my life experience has taught me that there is jeopardy in generosity.
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The only time I remember generosity biting me was when I first got Lyme and hired a couple of young (middle school age) girls on a weekly basis to take out my trash and clean the manure from my horses' field and shelter. I was so grateful and they were such nice girls that I kept increasing the pay rate until it was uncomfortable for me.
 
Pets, elderly jews, children's hospitals, wounded warriors, there's no end to the list of worthy causes and frankly quite overwhelming. I'm curious, where were all of them the couple of times in years past when my family and I found ourselves in rough times? How about when passing the collection plate from time to time mention if you're experiencing bad times and need a little help, take a little from the plate but remember us when times are better for you. No, I suppose that would be crossing the line they'd rather you wouldn't cross. Oh well, do what you can and don't where you can't and I guarantee life will go on :coffee:. Don...
 
I’ve had a bit of a journey with generosity. Hopefully, give the outline of the process, avoid the full saga.

I lived in a certain locality in the countryside from age 26. My wife was the same age, and we had a baby girl. A number of us had wound up there, as it was beautiful and cheap to get shelter (old cabins, sheds, converted chicken coops, etc). My friends & acquaintances were amicable, sensitive to nature, eager for experiences. Most of us got employment wherever we could. Few had much money very often, but the “bubble” I was in had it seeming that a new age of mutuality was upon us.

From the start, I was probably more generous than was realistically prudent. Loaning tools, letting people stay in our cabin (sleeping bag, foamy on the floor), sharing meals. Over time true colors showed, maybe only half the people were firmly reciprocal. With those people there weren't doubts about assistance when needed.

At 28, my (first) wife decided that she wanted to experience life more as her 18-year-old self had, which ended the relationship. I went through a difficult patch during that time, and sometimes asked friends for favors… which weren't always forthcoming. About 18 months after the split with my wife, I met a new woman with more practicality & mature values. We lived together and after a couple years, she deemed my habits to be a bit too generous. And she pointed out ways in which certain people I’d considered friends were opportunistic, not very reciprocal.

By the time we were in our mid 30s, my new partner finally had enough. Thus started a new phase of my life... we moved to another location in the valley. I felt rather abraded by my previous experience. (A voice in my head wanted to request a résumé from anyone who seemed to desire being a friend. LOL) But I learned to get to know people better before taking risks (with tools, time, or $$) — and to firmly communicate my expectations in any matter of $$.

I became a much better judge of character. In my current phase of life, I’ve long felt freer again. I enjoy being generous within my capabilities.
 
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I just help when and where I see the need

A bunch of it is physical
My time and ability costs me nothing to give

Money?
Not much more than the tithe we pay back

Clothing, materials, food
Some (we don't keep track)
But not enough to impact us in any way

Advice
It's readily there for the asking

The feel good
It's not a goal
Just the result of exercising the gift of giving
 
I have sometimes gotten myself into trouble with "generosity". It can create expectations that you do not intend. I try now to give where I see a need. If someone is perpetually needy then they may have issues that it is not my responsibility to support. ex: drinking problem, allergic to work, etc.

I gave a lot more of my time as a volunteer when I lived in the Dallas area.
 
I am not very generous at all. People are grabby and intrusive as it is. Why encourage more of that behavior. :rolleyes:
 

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