What strategies do you employ to decrease or control your anxieties

Ronni

Ronni

The motormouth ;)
Location
Nashville TN
Of course, this won't apply to you if you're not an anxious person in general. I am, and so I am always looking for ways to mitigate my sometimes, but not always, irrational moments or times. I don't suffer from anxiety to the point that I have been diagnosed with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) but it can nonetheless affect the quality of my life if I don't keep it under control.

Example: I get very anxious when I'm running late for an appointment. I do everything I can so as not to be late, but unforeseen or uncontrollable situations can sometimes thwart that, like traffic issues. Even with GPS which I employ every time I have an appointment so I know exactly how long it will take to get there, if an accident happens while I'm on the road, that's out of my control. A ridiculously simple strategy to stop my anxiety from ramping up in that situation is that I just don't look at the clock! It sounds silly, but the more I see I'm late, the more anxious I get, and so my heart rate increases, I get more and more tense, lightheaded, and can begin to panic. It's a simple choice that I CAN control: Don't look at the clock! (NOTE: As soon as I think I may be late, I'll send a quick text to let the person know that I'm running behind, just to be considerate)

Example: When I'm faced with too many choices for something that will tend to ramp up my anxiety. It doesn't matter if I'm shopping for a dress, trying to decide where to go on a getaway, buying a new dishwasher etc., if there are too many choices I start panicking. Depending on the situation, I will tell Ron to find a few things HE likes and I'll choose from that list, or take Paige (my daughter) shopping with me and have her pick out a few things for me to try on and I'll choose from them (and I do the same for her because she's anxious too) I can get creative about ways to mitigate my choices, like ONLY looking at the first three pages of something on Amazon, or limiting myself to one store. Either/or choices are easy :ROFLMAO: it's the ones that have dozens or hundreds of possibilities that create issues.

I have plenty more examples but you get the idea. So what about you? What do you do? Any tips and tricks to share?
 

Quote :Example: I get very anxious when I'm running late for an appointment. I do everything I can so as not to be late, but unforeseen or uncontrollable situations can sometimes thwart that, like traffic issues. Even with GPS which I employ every time I have an appointment so I know exactly how long it will take to get there, if an accident happens while I'm on the road, that's out of my control. A ridiculously simple strategy to stop my anxiety from ramping up in that situation is that I just don't look at the clock! It sounds silly, but the more I see I'm late, the more anxious I get, and so my heart rate increases, I get more and more tense, lightheaded, and can begin to panic. It's a simple choice that I CAN control: Don't look at the clock! (NOTE: As soon as I think I may be late, I'll send a quick text to let the person know that I'm running behind, just to be considerate)

This is exactly me when it comes to time-keeping ^^^^ I can't abide lateness in my self or others, and get very anxious if it looks like I..in particular.. am going to be late for anything at all..

To mitigate I always leave plenty of time to get to an appointment.. altho' I can't do anything about someone else being late .. and without any excuse or reason for their lateness, I've learned now not to wait for them as I would have done once upon a time.. even up to an hour,,or more... , so if I have an appointment and the other person is late..I leave after 15 minutes, it keeps me from reaching boiling point!!
 
One thing which sometimes works for me is to pretend that someone else in the same situation has asked for my advice on how to deal with it. This makes you look at things in a more objective way. Also, I tell myself....'this time next week it will all be over'.
 

I don't like being late, and I leave early to avoid it. If I am unavoidably late, I tell myself that being late is a whole lot better than lots of things - like not arriving at all. I take a few breaths, and remind myself that I have called whoever it is to make my lateness known.

I do not get anxious about deadlines. When someone asks how soon X can be done, I do not go with my first thought -- I add 25% to the time frame. That way, people are glad to get X early.

Too many choices annoy me. I tend to get caught up in trying to decide among them, which makes me anxious -- what if I make the wrong decision. In the last few years,, I decided to let that anxiety go, unless I am spending over $700 on something, which is rare. This decision was after I spent a couple of hours trying to decide which cup hooks were the best quality! I tend to research things to death, and that is not warranted IMO, unless it is a large purchase.Even then, who wants to become the world expert on actual capacity of refrigerators or to discover that fruit/veg drawers are not great on virtually any fridge??? Not me (any more)!
 
WheatenLover said:
I don't like being late, and I leave early to avoid it. If I am unavoidably late, I tell myself that being late is a whole lot better than lots of things - like not arriving at all. I take a few breaths, and remind myself that I have called whoever it is to make my lateness known.

I do not get anxious about deadlines. When someone asks how soon X can be done, I do not go with my first thought -- I add 25% to the time frame. That way, people are glad to get X early.

Too many choices annoy me. I tend to get caught up in trying to decide among them, which makes me anxious -- what if I make the wrong decision. In the last few years,, I decided to let that anxiety go, unless I am spending over $700 on something, which is rare. This decision was after I spent a couple of hours trying to decide which cup hooks were the best quality! I tend to research things to death, and that is not warranted IMO, unless it is a large purchase.Even then, who wants to become the world expert on actual capacity of refrigerators or to discover that fruit/veg drawers are not great on virtually any fridge??? Not me (any more)!
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I love your perspective! I’m working to get to that point myself. Every choice I make seems fraught with SUCH importance!! 😳
 
officerripley said:
I wish I did; I've tried everything I can think of or get my hands on (meditation, hypnosis, alcohol, marijuana, prayer) with no success. I have had a little bit of luck with using interesting information but it's only a little bit of help. I'm just meant to be worried all the time, I guess.
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Have you seen a doctor? I think I mentioned that my daughter is an anxious sort, and it began ramping up beyond my own issues, to the point where she began having panic attacks. It turns out she has an actual anxiety disorder and is being medicated for it, and uses a variety of therapies (yoga, mindfulness etc.,...there's a wealth of things) to a wonderful result. But she struggled for at least a year trying all kinds of things, including full physical, stress tests, a heart monitor strapped to her for a week to determine cardiac health, all manner of things, and it was miserable for her.

She needs the meds. It allows all the other strategies she also employs to work. It sounds like you're in a similar situation to where she used to be. I would be more than happy to expand on this if you're interested.
 
Ronni said:
Have you seen a doctor? I think I mentioned that my daughter is an anxious sort, and it began ramping up beyond my own issues, to the point where she began having panic attacks. It turns out she has an actual anxiety disorder and is being medicated for it, and uses a variety of therapies (yoga, mindfulness etc.,...there's a wealth of things) to a wonderful result. But she struggled for at least a year trying all kinds of things, including full physical, stress tests, a heart monitor strapped to her for a week to determine cardiac health, all manner of things, and it was miserable for her.

She needs the meds. It allows all the other strategies she also employs to work. It sounds like you're in a similar situation to where she used to be. I would be more than happy to expand on this if you're interested.
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Oh, yeah, lots of diff. doctors. The only meds they ever want to try on me are anti-depressants (even though I keep telling them that I feel nervous, anxious, scared, like I'm going to jump out of my skin and I need something to calm me down) and I'd go ahead and try the anti-d's anyway and make sure to stay on long enough but same result every time: even more anxious. When I'd try asking the dr.'s why keep prescribing something that makes me even worse, why not prescribe something that calms me down, I'd get these evasive, non-answers. I finally figured out that partly it's because the insurance companies woke up to the fact that Big Pharma (and some doctors) were getting people hooked on calming/pain meds; now all the companies, who are only worried about their bottom line, don't want anybody prescribing much of anything that makes people feel good (or less bad).
 
I think I may have been born with anxiety. I do remember being given medication "to calm me down" while I still in grammar school. I took it once or twice and then just made believe and really put it down the sink. It made me feel weird.

Since I retired my anxiety level has dropped some, and I control it by reading, watching a good movie or series, and lots of exercise.

I am just like everyone above. Leave early, then wait for the chronically late people, be it a social event or a doctor appointment. Waiting just increases my anxiety. I have started doing what @hollydolly does. Set a time limit to wait and then leave. It really helps me.

Pre-pandemic, a group of us would get together at each other's home for an early dinner and either a movie or play games. I was always 5 minutes early.
I would get to where they lived about 15 minutes early, then wait nearby till it was time to ring the bell. Once I ran into someone I knew, and we talked for a bit. I was walking up the walkway at EXACTLY the time I was to be there. I then received a phone call asking if I was ok. They just assumed I would be early and everyone else was fine being late.
 
Ronni said:
Of course, this won't apply to you if you're not an anxious person in general. I am, and so I am always looking for ways to mitigate my sometimes, but not always, irrational moments or times. I don't suffer from anxiety to the point that I have been diagnosed with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) but it can nonetheless affect the quality of my life if I don't keep it under control.

Example: I get very anxious when I'm running late for an appointment. I do everything I can so as not to be late, but unforeseen or uncontrollable situations can sometimes thwart that, like traffic issues. Even with GPS which I employ every time I have an appointment so I know exactly how long it will take to get there, if an accident happens while I'm on the road, that's out of my control. A ridiculously simple strategy to stop my anxiety from ramping up in that situation is that I just don't look at the clock! It sounds silly, but the more I see I'm late, the more anxious I get, and so my heart rate increases, I get more and more tense, lightheaded, and can begin to panic. It's a simple choice that I CAN control: Don't look at the clock! (NOTE: As soon as I think I may be late, I'll send a quick text to let the person know that I'm running behind, just to be considerate)

Example: When I'm faced with too many choices for something that will tend to ramp up my anxiety. It doesn't matter if I'm shopping for a dress, trying to decide where to go on a getaway, buying a new dishwasher etc., if there are too many choices I start panicking. Depending on the situation, I will tell Ron to find a few things HE likes and I'll choose from that list, or take Paige (my daughter) shopping with me and have her pick out a few things for me to try on and I'll choose from them (and I do the same for her because she's anxious too) I can get creative about ways to mitigate my choices, like ONLY looking at the first three pages of something on Amazon, or limiting myself to one store. Either/or choices are easy :ROFLMAO: it's the ones that have dozens or hundreds of possibilities that create issues.

I have plenty more examples but you get the idea. So what about you? What do you do? Any tips and tricks to share?
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Sometimes what seems like anxiety issues, is, in fact breathing issues.

When we get nervous, we breathe in a shortened fashioned, less deep. This brings in less oxygen. If we have some kind of underlying breathing issues, the lesser amount of oxygen can trigger anxiety. But that is not an emotional issue, it is a medical issue around breathing.

So, it is always wise to have your doc assess you, to see if you have asthma or bad allergies or some other kind of breathing problem.

If you notice that the panic attack like symptoms only occur outside...that could be one indication that you have some kind of allergic response going on to pollen in the air or cut grass or something like that.

Worth getting checked the next time you see your doctor.
 
Ronni said:
Of course, this won't apply to you if you're not an anxious person in general. I am, and so I am always looking for ways to mitigate my sometimes, but not always, irrational moments or times. I don't suffer from anxiety to the point that I have been diagnosed with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) but it can nonetheless affect the quality of my life if I don't keep it under control.

Example: I get very anxious when I'm running late for an appointment. I do everything I can so as not to be late, but unforeseen or uncontrollable situations can sometimes thwart that, like traffic issues. Even with GPS which I employ every time I have an appointment so I know exactly how long it will take to get there, if an accident happens while I'm on the road, that's out of my control. A ridiculously simple strategy to stop my anxiety from ramping up in that situation is that I just don't look at the clock! It sounds silly, but the more I see I'm late, the more anxious I get, and so my heart rate increases, I get more and more tense, lightheaded, and can begin to panic. It's a simple choice that I CAN control: Don't look at the clock! (NOTE: As soon as I think I may be late, I'll send a quick text to let the person know that I'm running behind, just to be considerate)

Example: When I'm faced with too many choices for something that will tend to ramp up my anxiety. It doesn't matter if I'm shopping for a dress, trying to decide where to go on a getaway, buying a new dishwasher etc., if there are too many choices I start panicking. Depending on the situation, I will tell Ron to find a few things HE likes and I'll choose from that list, or take Paige (my daughter) shopping with me and have her pick out a few things for me to try on and I'll choose from them (and I do the same for her because she's anxious too) I can get creative about ways to mitigate my choices, like ONLY looking at the first three pages of something on Amazon, or limiting myself to one store. Either/or choices are easy :ROFLMAO: it's the ones that have dozens or hundreds of possibilities that create issues.

I have plenty more examples but you get the idea. So what about you? What do you do? Any tips and tricks to share?
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So, I have PTSD. In 1982 I was kidnapped and held for a time. And really, that was just the beginning. I have had a long series of threats from violent people.

So, in the beginning I had panic attacks.

I was able to get them under control using breathing exercises (pranayama).

So, that certainly helped.

I have done Hatha Yoga, and then more specifically into Hatha Yoga relaxation exercises. I have done the breathing exercises.

And I have done various kinds of meditation techniques.

All have been helpful.

And note that meditation is not easy. It can easily take 15 minutes practice daily for 3 years, to even start to get good at it.

But, even right away, it has some benefits.

And I get regular old counseling. Definitely recommend that also.
 
Ronni said:
Of course, this won't apply to you if you're not an anxious person in general. I am, and so I am always looking for ways to mitigate my sometimes, but not always, irrational moments or times. I don't suffer from anxiety to the point that I have been diagnosed with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) but it can nonetheless affect the quality of my life if I don't keep it under control.

Example: I get very anxious when I'm running late for an appointment. I do everything I can so as not to be late, but unforeseen or uncontrollable situations can sometimes thwart that, like traffic issues. Even with GPS which I employ every time I have an appointment so I know exactly how long it will take to get there, if an accident happens while I'm on the road, that's out of my control. A ridiculously simple strategy to stop my anxiety from ramping up in that situation is that I just don't look at the clock! It sounds silly, but the more I see I'm late, the more anxious I get, and so my heart rate increases, I get more and more tense, lightheaded, and can begin to panic. It's a simple choice that I CAN control: Don't look at the clock! (NOTE: As soon as I think I may be late, I'll send a quick text to let the person know that I'm running behind, just to be considerate)

Example: When I'm faced with too many choices for something that will tend to ramp up my anxiety. It doesn't matter if I'm shopping for a dress, trying to decide where to go on a getaway, buying a new dishwasher etc., if there are too many choices I start panicking. Depending on the situation, I will tell Ron to find a few things HE likes and I'll choose from that list, or take Paige (my daughter) shopping with me and have her pick out a few things for me to try on and I'll choose from them (and I do the same for her because she's anxious too) I can get creative about ways to mitigate my choices, like ONLY looking at the first three pages of something on Amazon, or limiting myself to one store. Either/or choices are easy :ROFLMAO: it's the ones that have dozens or hundreds of possibilities that create issues.

I have plenty more examples but you get the idea. So what about you? What do you do? Any tips and tricks to share?
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one trick I can say...is a kind of self-talk technique. I really did not get this from a counselor or professional source, it is just something that has helped me.

So, years ago I was a prep cook, a short order cook.

One time, later at night, everyone else had gone home. and all of a sudden I had something like 10 orders in front of me. I was going nuts.

After having many experiences like that, I kind of figured out something.

It does not matter what problems are in front of us...all we can ever do, is that one step at a time towards that solution.

So, if I have 15 things to do in front of me, it still does not matter, I don't have to think about all those 15 things in front of me, I can just take that one step at a time and trust the process.

Always thinking about what is next can be overwhelming.

So, I got into the habit of kind of ignoring the pressure and just focusing in on what I can do.. What one step I can do. And then move on to the next step.

I don't know if I am expressing this well. It is a kind of trick of the mind to avoid worry.
 
I've heard a theory, which from my standpoint seems to make sense, is that the "what if" part of the human brain--which can project ahead into a possible future among other things--is just turned up higher in some people than others and although stress can make things worse, there's a genetic component to what setting yours is set on to begin with.
 
People generally in this era where consuming substances affecting our earth creature nervous systems are rampant, would be wise to normalize their systems as evolution has developed instead of habitually consuming. Doing so over months, years will change one's body so even if one does go cold turkey say from daily drinking coffee, their body given neural plasticity will take a longer time if ever to normalize. That noted, it is true some will regardless have issues in their natural normalized state.

Additionally there is wisdom ala Spock, in developing habits of reducing emotional reactions especially during communication with others.

edit add: Also walking about outdoors in nature when feeling so can reconnect us with our inner beings.
 
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One helpful thing I do is to distract myself. My method is listening to podcasts or the radio. Even watching tv is helpful, though I don’t often have time to sit down.
 
JonSR77 said:
one trick I can say...is a kind of self-talk technique. I really did not get this from a counselor or professional source, it is just something that has helped me.

So, years ago I was a prep cook, a short order cook.

One time, later at night, everyone else had gone home. and all of a sudden I had something like 10 orders in front of me. I was going nuts.

After having many experiences like that, I kind of figured out something.

It does not matter what problems are in front of us...all we can ever do, is that one step at a time towards that solution.

So, if I have 15 things to do in front of me, it still does not matter, I don't have to think about all those 15 things in front of me, I can just take that one step at a time and trust the process.

Always thinking about what is next can be overwhelming.

So, I got into the habit of kind of ignoring the pressure and just focusing in on what I can do.. What one step I can do. And then move on to the next step.

I don't know if I am expressing this well. It is a kind of trick of the mind to avoid worry.
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This makes total sense to me. Sometimes I’m successful at this.

But as an organizer by both profession and nature, I am hardwired to forward-think, and that particular trait is foundational to my organizing success. I am also an excellent multi-tasker, and that trait dovetails perfectly with forward thinking and organizing.

As a result it’s often counter-productive for me to stay in the moment because what I’m working on requires me to look way beyond my immediate focus. It’s also counter-intuitive because, as mentioned, I’m hard-wired to think differently.

Im still learning control, learning to recognize when it’s not necessary to forward think, and working to reel myself back in.
 
Ronni said:
This makes total sense to me. Sometimes I’m successful at this.

But as an organizer by both profession and nature, I am hardwired to forward-think, and that particular trait is foundational to my organizing success. I am also an excellent multi-tasker, and that trait dovetails perfectly with forward thinking and organizing.

As a result it’s often counter-productive for me to stay in the moment because what I’m working on requires me to look way beyond my immediate focus. It’s also counter-intuitive because, as mentioned, I’m hard-wired to think differently.

Im still learning control, learning to recognize when it’s not necessary to forward think, and working to reel myself back in.
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Generally, I guess the kind of meditation advice is this...

when you are not working and you have time to yourself,

You can practice some kind of technique. And the idea would be, that that meditation practice or whatever, will, unconsciously become part of how you interact with situations. And, even if unconsciously, it will help you, when you enter into the business world or whatever you have to do.

beyond that is stress management work. And, you know, that would be to really force yourself to take some mini-breaks throughout the day. Not just "bop till you drop." I think that kind of "burn through" mentality and rest after, may need some tweaking.

Very simple stuff...do some stretches at your desk. walk around a bit. walk around a bit outside...even if only for five minutes...

now, these are just general ideas. You would need some therapist to get in there and give you something more specific to your needs.

with the mind racing off like that, I would guess, generally, doing some mental work in a different direction might help. I am thinking very very simple stuff...like when you take a mini break...do a few crossword puzzle entries...things like that.

to kind of train the mind to break the cycle of stress....

but, again, that is just a general idea, maybe a therapist would know of professionally vetted techniques for these situations.

sorry about the difficulties. Hope you find some relief. take care.
 
Growing up with a narcissistic, emotionally abusive mother, I am no stranger to anxiety. My sister gravitated towards depression. The chickens of my childhood came home to roost when I acquired a supervisor at work who was much like my mother. Medication allowed me to survive that job while I embraced cognitive behavioral therapy techniques. The realization in mid-life that I was not responsible for how other people thought and felt was profoundly liberating for me. I use reframing a lot in my daily life, no longer allowing myself to see inconveniences as problems, and I monitor my “self-talk“ to root out erroneous and self-defeating beliefs…
 

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