When does her husband's care overwhelm the "little woman"?

[fuzzybuddy]

I had an infection that just wouldn't go away. I had to have IV antibiotics 4 times a day. So I had to stay at a re-hab center for treatment. My room mate was a few years older than me. He needed two nurses to get him on and off the toilet, and on & out his wheel chair, etc. He was getting discharged to home. His wife, who was not young and spry by any means, was going to be his primary care giver. While she was willing, I don't know how she was going to manage his care. She said she was able to get him in and out of bed, by herself; I'm not sure how she could manage that. Love can overcome a lot. But I felt like his wife was going to be drained , as she was physically overwhelmed by amount of care he needed. Yeah, love conquers all, but is caring for a loved one worth putting your own health at risk?

 

[jujube]

A lot of caretakers find that they end up in worse shape than the person for whom they are caring. Caretakers need to remember to take care of themselves, too. They also need to understand that they have the right to say "no", that they can't do it.

Shortly before I left the hospital at which I worked, we had a case where an older lady was being discharged from the hospital and needed to go to rehab for a while. Her husband refused to let her go. A meeting was called with the caseworkers to try to explain to the husband (they both were immigrants from some Slavic country) that his wife really needed to go to rehab. His words and I won't forget them were, "No, she has a job and she needs to come home and do it. Her job is to take care of my mother. I have my job and that's to work. She has her job and she needs to do it!" And that was that. She signed herself out of the hospital and went home. I wish I knew what happened to her.

 

[Lethe200]

It's been shown that caregiving shortens the caregiver's life by an average of 4-8 years:

Long-term Caregiving May Shorten Life Up To Eight Years
HealthExpert.com by Carol Bradley Bursack

A new study by Ohio State University in conjunction with the National Institute on Aging has shown that adult children caring for their parents, as well as parents caring for chronically ill children, may have their life span shortened by four to eight years.

Full article: https://www.healthcentral.com/article/longterm-caregiving-may-shorten-life-up-to-eight-years

 

[jaminhealth]

I have one daughter and she is 53 and I just last year spent 4.5 months in hospital/rehabs for a staph infection that went unfounded for 2.5 months, long ugly story but I didn't walk for over 2 months until finally abx IV got rid of the infection. I've been a strong independent person all my life and have lived 3000 miles from my roots for 50 yrs./....so no family here to speak of but daughter and her young adult children. She has some disabilities...loss of hearing so wear a cochlear and a foot that has major tendon damage.

She told me "mom I can't take care of you"....

I'm doing pretty well and my friends and neighbors help me. It's tough but I'm walking and so so so so glad to out of those rehabs.