When Someone Borrows Money From You

Mizzkitt

Mizzkitt

Member
Location
Ontario
How do you politely say time to pay up when the months are going by? It is a sizeable amount that I cannot afford to easily lose.

I know them to be honest people but it seems the wife is the only one working and then not often and the husband seems to not have any interest in working till his pogey runs out.

He did meet me on the street one day and said he had no forgotten but money was tight and he was not working. Still weeks went by and I even went so far as to tape a note on the door saying that I saw a sign outside Home Depot saying they were hiring....hint hint.

I can't get nasty with people and kick them when they are down but I will be moving shortly to another town and I fear that could be what they are waiting for.
 

Unfortunately Mizzkitt it sounds like the chase is on with these folks. If they're givin you the run around and the male half is not willing to work to pay you back, I doubt they intend to without a fight, if at all. And also unfortunate is that fight will more than likely cost your friendship as well. I hope I'm wrong but I've been down this road a couple times before.

Money changes people, it brings out the ugly in them. That's why I never let anyone borrow anything I'm not willing to lose. And by that I mean 5 or 10 bucks. My days of loaning any substantial money out are long gone. I've been burned a couple times and am not gonna let it happen again.

Good Luck!
 
Pogey is a new word for me! Thanks.

IMO the easy part is choosing the words, the hard part is screwing up your courage to confront them in a calm non confrontational way and ask them to begin paying you back.

I don't have any advice to offer.

I don't make many loans and when I do I have no real expectation that they will ever be repaid.

Good luck!
 
Last edited:
Well, I guess the old adage," Don't loan money you can't afford to lose", applies here. I am sure that at the time they fully intended to honor their bargain. Life lack of ambition and lack of self respect got in the way.

When folks are in bad enough shape that they solicit loans from friends, acquaintances, and other non traditional sources, odds are that money is lost.

You can't borrow your way out of debt!!!!
 
I always get the pay back date straightened out at the time of the loan. "When can I expect to be paid back?" I loaned a friend of mine money to pay his real estate taxes a few years back and I asked him at that time, "When can I expect to be paid back?" He told me when he got his income tax refund check. One day he told me that his check came and that I would have my money by the weekend and I did.
 
JimW said:
Unfortunately Mizzkitt it sounds like the chase is on with these folks. If they're givin you the run around and the male half is not willing to work to pay you back, I doubt they intend to without a fight, if at all. And also unfortunate is that fight will more than likely cost your friendship as well. I hope I'm wrong but I've been down this road a couple times before.

Money changes people, it brings out the ugly in them. That's why I never let anyone borrow anything I'm not willing to lose. And by that I mean 5 or 10 bucks. My days of loaning any substantial money out are long gone. I've been burned a couple times and am not gonna let it happen again.

Good Luck!
Click to expand...

Totally agree... I think that money is not going to be returned without a battle
 
Mizzkitt said:
How do you politely say time to pay up when the months are going by? It is a sizeable amount that I cannot afford to easily lose.

I know them to be honest people but it seems the wife is the only one working and then not often and the husband seems to not have any interest in working till his pogey runs out.

He did meet me on the street one day and said he had no forgotten but money was tight and he was not working. Still weeks went by and I even went so far as to tape a note on the door saying that I saw a sign outside Home Depot saying they were hiring....hint hint.

I can't get nasty with people and kick them when they are down but I will be moving shortly to another town and I fear that could be what they are waiting for.
Click to expand...

You're worried about being polite. And you say you know them as honest people. Hmmm

Well, you're not going to want to hear this. But here goes:

Never, ever lend money that you can't afford to lose....to anyone. Doesn't matter how nice they are, whether they are good friends, or a relative, or whatever. Doesn't matter why they need the money. Just don't do it.

The note you posted was a waste of time. Home Depot and many others might be hiring but they can't hire everyone, and there might be reasons why one person is hired and another isn't. Even if husband gets a job, I doubt that paying you back will be a priority.

What's done is done.

You moving is irrelevant....they can send you money. If no effort has been made to systematically repay you, I think you're going to have a hard time getting your money back. If they signed a written agreement clearly stating repayment terms/deadline, you have legal recourse, but if not.....well....you can keep "politely" asking or send "polite" requests for repayment, but don't hold your breath.
 
The last time I helped someone out with money (small amount) they didn't ask but I knew their situation.....I said "Consider this a one-time gift. You don't have to repay me, and I never want to discuss it." Few weeks later I got a text "Look under your doormat." There was an envelope with cash in it I was surprised. I texted back "Thanks. Take care."

That's rare.
 
After all your replies I gave myself a good talking to and went over and knocked on the door. They did not answer. So I left another note telling them that I would like to discuss payments and I will be back tomorrow.

We shall see what happens then.
 
And you know them to be honest people, huh?

They're formulating a response to pacify you...IF they even answer the door tomorrow or any other day. If anything, you should send them a letter....or a text asking for repayment and maybe you'd have a record of them acknowledging they owe you money. (Unless you have a signed agreement or cancelled check that says "loan".)

Talk is cheap; sorry to say but I think you're spinning your wheels with these people.
 
I never lend money. I consider it a gift. If it gets repaid, good, if not it was a gift. No one has asked me for money in a long time. If I see that someone needs something I try to help out without them asking. I don't expect to get it back as I consider it a gift. I put it out into the universe and what happens, happens. That way, I am not disappointed.
 
My late next door neighbor,Gerry would periodically ask me for a loan between $25-50,said'I will pay you back'. Some times I would forget about,but he always did repay me. Sue
 
I NEVER have lent anyone a penny, and I'm the happier for it. I learned the old adage, found in Hamlet, early in life: “Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend, And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.”I never borrowed money, either, except on my houses, and I paid them off as fast as I could. If I can't afford something, can't afford to pay cash for it, I don't need it.
 
Mizzkitt said:
After all your replies I gave myself a good talking to and went over and knocked on the door. They did not answer. So I left another note telling them that I would like to discuss payments and I will be back tomorrow.

We shall see what happens then.
Click to expand...


And now they know you'll be returning tomorrow, they'll conveniently not be home.., but I do think you need to let them know the 'game is up''..and if that means knocking on their door every day of the week when you know they're likely to be in, then do it, don't let them hide from you, ... it's not time to be nice now..you've been nice, you've been polite, you've been MORE than patient and it's got you treated like a free money lender , now you need to tell them you want your money and you're no longer willing to hear any more excuses.
 
The quickest way to lose a friend is to lend to or borrow money from him. One party then becomes "the creditor" and the other party becomes "the debtor". Sometimes it turns out well. Often it doesn't.

Polonius:

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be.
Do not forget: stay out of debt.
Think twice, and take this good advice from me: Guard that old solvency!
There's just one other thing you ought to do. To thine own self be true."
(Note: It's better if you sing it. )
 
I agree with everybody here. You're being much too nice. These people are taking advantage of you, and unless you have a signed agreement and are willing to take legal recourse, you have practically no chance of ever seeing that money again.

It's too bad that kind people are taken advantage of in that way, but this sounds like a classic case of exactly that.
 
I hate to say this but it sounds like the people you loaned the money to are dead-beats. It's way, way passed time to stop being nice. Think of this as you would a problem with a business. Just go to them and, without smiling, tell them you need the money, now. If they don't pay up, just say, again without smiling, how much can you give me, right now ?
 
Traveler is spot on. You aren't accomplishing anything at all by being polite.

IF they answer the door, they'll give you excuses and promises - which will amount to nothing.
Get one of those cheap receipt books from a drugstore. If they do give you something, even $10, *write a receipt which shows the balance of the loan. Keep a copy.

Stop telling the guy who is hiring....you're not responsible for doing his job-hunting.

Mizzkitt, do you have any proof that you gave them the money, and that they agreed to repay you? Any text messages or emails? If you want to get your money back you must establish some sort of *paper trail or documentation of some kind. How far are you willing to go to pursue collection.....or are you willing to stretch it out indefinitely OR write it off?
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top