Nathan
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"JUST LAUNCHED: Whisky Infused Shortbread Paste, The Spread o' the Brave
In a bold move that no nutritionist asked for, a Scottish startup has unveiled their brand new Whisky Infused Shortbread Paste, the world’s first sandwich spread that’s 70% sugar, 30% spirit, and 100% legally questionable at breakfast. Crafted for the modern Scot on the go, this groundbreaking paste blends finely mulched shortbread biscuits with single malt whisky into a smooth, intoxicating goo that spreads easier than rumours in a village pub.
This questionable culinary innovation from Aberdeenshire entrepreneur Hamish MacSmear, is a boozy, buttery concoction that hits harder than your granny’s sherry trifle and pairs beautifully with regret.
“It’s like a Burns Night in yer gob,” says the creator, Hamish MacSmear, while scooping a dollop straight from the jar with his hand. “One bite and you’ll feel misty eyed, overly patriotic, and just legally borderline to operate a wheelbarrow.”
Marketed as the ideal solution for Scots on the move, whisky shortbread paste is already being slathered on sandwiches, spread across crumpets, and by one enthusiastic Glaswegian, used as a substitute for toothpaste. It has since been banned from several schools, one nursing home, and a particularly shaken monastery after a “boisterous communion.”
Each jar allegedly contains the essence of three shortbread biscuits, a few drams of Highland regret, and a faint sob from your liver.
The company proudly bears the slogan: “If you can’t decide between shortbread or a dram… spread both and lie down."
Slather responsibly."
In a bold move that no nutritionist asked for, a Scottish startup has unveiled their brand new Whisky Infused Shortbread Paste, the world’s first sandwich spread that’s 70% sugar, 30% spirit, and 100% legally questionable at breakfast. Crafted for the modern Scot on the go, this groundbreaking paste blends finely mulched shortbread biscuits with single malt whisky into a smooth, intoxicating goo that spreads easier than rumours in a village pub.
This questionable culinary innovation from Aberdeenshire entrepreneur Hamish MacSmear, is a boozy, buttery concoction that hits harder than your granny’s sherry trifle and pairs beautifully with regret.
“It’s like a Burns Night in yer gob,” says the creator, Hamish MacSmear, while scooping a dollop straight from the jar with his hand. “One bite and you’ll feel misty eyed, overly patriotic, and just legally borderline to operate a wheelbarrow.”
Marketed as the ideal solution for Scots on the move, whisky shortbread paste is already being slathered on sandwiches, spread across crumpets, and by one enthusiastic Glaswegian, used as a substitute for toothpaste. It has since been banned from several schools, one nursing home, and a particularly shaken monastery after a “boisterous communion.”
Each jar allegedly contains the essence of three shortbread biscuits, a few drams of Highland regret, and a faint sob from your liver.
The company proudly bears the slogan: “If you can’t decide between shortbread or a dram… spread both and lie down."
Slather responsibly."
