Why are some people cruel to those who dont pose a threat to them?

grahamg

grahamg

Old codger
Location
South of Manchester, UK
Why are some humans cruel to people who don’t pose a threat to them – sometimes even their own children? Where does this behaviour come from and what purpose does it serve?
https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20201016-why-some-people-are-cruel-to-others

Humans are the glory and the scum of the universe, concluded the French philosopher, Blaise Pascal, in 1658. Little has changed. We love and we loathe. We help and we harm. We reach out a hand and we stick in the knife.

We understand if someone lashes out in retaliation or self-defence. But when someone harms the harmless, we ask: “How could you?”

Humans typically do things to get pleasure or avoid pain. For most of us, hurting others causes us to feel their pain. And we don’t like this feeling. This suggests two reasons people may harm the harmless – either they don’t feel the others’ pain or they enjoy feeling the others’ pain.

Another reason people harm the harmless is because they nonetheless see a threat. Someone who doesn’t imperil your body or wallet can still threaten your social status. This helps explain otherwise puzzling actions, such as when people harm others who help them financially.
 

Oh, I don't know about being being cruel. Of course, many are but hey I'm not. Been married for 43 years and never ever raised my hand in anger. I'm with the Mennonites when it comes to peace. I suppose no one is threatening me so I'm pretty relaxed about violence. Actually, I don't like war movies and don't like any sort of movies with excessive violence. I think that those who strike out at other folks are very unhappy creatures. Perhaps they have an inferiority complex? Perhaps they have been watching too much boxing or wrestling on TV? It sure is a strange world out there. Now with Covid 19 it is getting stranger and stranger everyday. Sad!
 
Power. Someone who hits their spouse isn't going to go hit that big man they pass on the street. I also can't remember being bullied by a person alone. They were always in pairs and more. Somehow their little mob gave them power. And some people do their abuse of others on the quiet.
 
Remy said:
Power. Someone who hits their spouse isn't going to go hit that big man they pass on the street. I also can't remember being bullied by a person alone. They were always in pairs and more. Somehow their little mob gave them power. And some people do their abuse of others on the quiet.
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The comment you make about those guilty of abusing, (or bullying?) others "on the quiet" is well made I feel, and in my own little way I've done my best to expose "forms of bullying" to whatever publicity I could summon up! :(
 
Packerjohn said:
Oh, I don't know about being being cruel. Of course, many are but hey I'm not. Been married for 43 years and never ever raised my hand in anger. I'm with the Mennonites when it comes to peace. I suppose no one is threatening me so I'm pretty relaxed about violence. Actually, I don't like war movies and don't like any sort of movies with excessive violence. I think that those who strike out at other folks are very unhappy creatures. Perhaps they have an inferiority complex? Perhaps they have been watching too much boxing or wrestling on TV? It sure is a strange world out there. Now with Covid 19 it is getting stranger and stranger everyday. Sad!
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Good answers in my view.

I know someone seemingly addicted to horror movies etc., though they're not physically threatening or violent, though pretty adept at a whole host of psychological bullying tactics.

(I even believe I've seen such a character trait in a normally responsible/decent female teacher)! :(
 
grahamg said:
Why are some people cruel to those who dont pose a threat to them?
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Good post and nice article, thanks @grahamg

I have always thought it was one or more of the following:
  • To show dominance, increase one's power.
  • Paranoia, believing those who don't pose a threat do or might.
  • Entertainment, breaking the boredom.
No matter the reason it is unfortunate, but probably will not end.
 
Serenity4321 said:
I think at times some people are so miserable personally they just do not think about what they're doing and just feel the need to lash out to deal with their own suffering.
I notice when I am stressed and worried about something I can overreact emotionally to any irritating stimuli that comes around...
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Yes I recognise that aspect very well, but hopefully you and I never go so far as to deserve to be called cruel by anyone, especially not our own children, (or other family members)!
 
Alligatorob said:
Good post and nice article, thanks @grahamg
I have always thought it was one or more of the following:
  • To show dominance, increase one's power.
  • Paranoia, believing those who don't pose a threat do or might.
  • Entertainment, breaking the boredom.
No matter the reason it is unfortunate, but probably will not end.
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Thanks for the compliment, and yes, you've pretty much nailed it as far as the causes goes I'd suggest.

In the case of the guy I mentioned earlier in the thread addicted to horror movies, he's certainly not "grown up" in many many ways, though approaching pension age, (and maybe as a consequence of people trying to tell him this, it has become one of the accusations he makes towards anyone who doesn't agree with him over whatever it might be!).
 
My theory is that people who are cruel to others either 1) possess low self-esteem or 2) are narcissistic. Those with low self-esteem like to project their own weaknesses onto others so as to take the focus off themselves, and those who are narcissistic are just all about themselves and are cruel in general.
 
dseag2 said:
My theory is that people who are cruel to others either 1) possess low self-esteem or 2) are narcissistic. Those with low self-esteem like to project their own weaknesses onto others so as to take the focus off themselves, and those who are narcissistic are just all about themselves and are cruel in general.
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lol dseag2..I just noticed your quote..that is a great one!!
“I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.”
-W. C. Fields
 
I think if someone feels abused or powerless in one relationship or environment, they may seek to impose power on someone in another relationship to compensate. For example, if someone feels degraded at work by a boss, they may degrade their spouse when they get home from work, or be overly strict with their children.
 
I have an observation that came to me many years ago. There are all kinds of shortages in the world, clean water, food, education, empathy, but there is never, ever, any shortage of assh*les. I apply this to many situations, and it seems to work for me. Mike
 
Some people just need an outlet for their anger and frustration and they usually pick on someone or something who is weaker than them. Others bully because it makes them feel superior.
 
I've noticed three things about people who bully here on this forum:
1. They were often beaten or abused as children and have a lot of anger inside.
2. One tiny word can set them off with what they consider clever, witty remarks.
3. They don't seem to care how they hurt people. It seems to empower them.
 
Its all rather simple though much blame can also point to parents, sibblings, and others while growing up. Because over their lifetime they have made life choices to be so and after repeating those experiences feeling positive about whatever regardless of how immoral, unethical, hurtful to others, or unnatural have become so. Be evil, enjoy it, and become so.

See my post #6:
https://www.seniorforums.com/threads/you-are-what-you-do.67803/#post-1976433
 
Gaer said:
I've noticed three things about people who bully here on this forum:
1. They were often beaten or abused as children and have a lot of anger inside.
2. One tiny word can set them off with what they consider clever, witty remarks.
3. They don't seem to care how they hurt people. It seems to empower them.
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I don't bully anyone do I, (I do certainly hope not, though I do use liberal amounts of sarcasm or even ridicule in my posts sometimes I admit!)?
No. 1,
I was not abused as a child, never ever beaten, nor even smacked once in my life, (ditto my very annoying brother!).
No. 2
I've already admitted to, but again I doubt my feeling I must try to expose arguments I think are nonsense, and my stubbornness in refusing to back down, are all reasonably justified traits, (though I accept I could achieve the same aims in other/better ways quite often!).
No. 3
I'm not guilty of this one, (I hope, as I've said).
 

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