Why do we tell strangers about our woes?

Pinky said:
For some odd reason, people seem to gravitate toward me .. to share their woes. Sometimes, I guess they just need to unburden themselves, and, perhaps a stranger will be less judgmental.
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That's been my experience, too. I usually don't mind it... I guess I feel everybody wants "human connection" in some way. But I can only think of one instance where I shared my woes with a stranger. Generally, I don't feel the urge. I deal with my own "stuff".

OTOH, I did share (on one of our permanent threads here on SF) about the forest wildfires that quite nearly evacuated us from our home place a few weeks back. I'd say I've got a sort of family feeling in relation to members here, so it felt less like sharing woes with "strangers".
 
KSav said:
Wow, that would have made me angry, too! Isn't that (your doctor telling your supervisor how serious your ailment could be) a violation of HIPAA?
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Some physicians, and other healthcare professionals, totally ignore the Hippocratic Oath of never inflicting harm on their patients. They only cunningly agree to take that oath in order to graduate.
 
For some people it is easier telling woes to a stranger than to friends or neighbors. They can't tell it other neighbors or mutual friends.
And some strangers are very sympathizing with others and can give good advice.
 
Rose65 said:
I think I must be getting old because I find myself chatting about my ailments to anyone who will listen! I don't really know why, except I feel better. I'm sure taxi drivers and delivery persons don't have the slightest interest in my back or knee pains. However, I often find they respond with their own stories so both parties feel benefit overall after a nice chat.

Telling strangers kind of feels safe in a way, because they are an objective listening ear. Do you do this?
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That's an interesting viewpoint. Sometimes we need reassurance that everything will be okay.

I don't just randomly approach strangers with my troubles, but for several months, I went to a weekly support group for those suffering from anxiety. Each person had a turn sharing their worries with the group. Some found it helpful, but it only seemed to make me more anxious and introspective, so I stopped attending.

Most of the time, I do better if I stay busy and avoid thinking too much on things that bother me. That may be considered "avoidance and suppression," and many health professionals warn against it, but not all of them do, as seen in this link: From Psychology Today
 
I don't tell people about any physical ailments and especially try to avoid telling my DH as he always tells someone ELSE!! He also tries to push medicines and going to the doctor on me...drives me crazy. I tend to think if you don't talk about it much it won't bug you as much; I also don't tell younger people any "my body is getting older" stuff, either because I don't want them to get "anticipation anxiety" šŸ¤£ about aging?;)
 
Maybe you do it because you aren't convinced people close to you are really listening, or if they do, they don't actually understand your woes and can't relate to them, so their response seems superficial and disingenuous, and that makes you feel sad.

On the other hand, a stranger's response doesn't matter to you...you've gotten something off your chest and it doesn't hurt.
 
I was in a coffee shop the other day and two Japanese people were sitting at the table next to mine. I love talking to people and learn about their lives. I asked "Are you on holidays here or do you live here? The man said "Oh, we came here in 1974 and moved to Dubbo for work". I was very interested, and they seemed to like me. We shared a few stories when he said, "You know I much prefer country people to city people who are always too busy to talk". "Thank you for sharing some interesting stories with us", I then had to leave, and I felt I had made 2 more friends. I hope they told their people they had met a very interesting Australian.
 
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KSav said:
This discussion brings to mind an English teacher of mine, who told the class that the term "perfect stranger" arises from the fact that, because you don't know that person, they are "perfect" (i.e., you don't know their flaws), and that makes them easy to confide in.

I'm not sure if this has any basis in fact.
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That translates to ā€œI liked ā€˜em ā€˜til I got to know ā€˜emā€ , which is a popular phrase where I grew upšŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚

But to answer the original question. No I donā€™t. I will exchange whiny, self-deprecating complaints with someone my age in a checkout line. We laugh, do the bobbing dog heads, and thatā€™s itšŸ¤ šŸ¤ 
 
oscash said:
I was in a coffee shop the other day and two Japanese people were sitting at the table next to mine. I love talking to people and learn about their lives. I asked "Are you on holidays here or do you live here? The man said "Oh, we came here in 1974 and moved to Dubbo for work". I was very interested, and they seemed to like me. We shared a few stories when he said, "You know I much prefer country people to city people who are always too busy to talk". "Thank you for sharing some interesting stories with us", I then had to leave, and I felt I had made 2 more friends. I hope they told their people they had met a very interesting Australian.
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How I am with people when I travel or find visitors to the US...I love talking to people from outside the US and learning from them...so interesting. I love other cultures, fascinating. What I have learned from travel is ALL people just want to be happy, make ends meet and be accepted.
 
CooCooforCoCoPuffs said:
In my experience, I find they do not want to listen.
So I just take care of myself, exercise, keep weight in check, eat right, etc and hope they watch what I do. Speaking of my four kiddos.
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You're right, most young people don't want to listen. But at some point in their lives, they will suddenly remember what some old person said and the light bulb will go on. I've had that experience with both my girls, where they became moms themselves and finally understood my point. And they've actually told me that 'now' they understand why I said what I said. And you're right, it's important to lead by example always. That's why they tell young parents now, to learn to apologize to their kids when they get it wrong, because those kids need to learn to apologize when they blow it. If they never saw an adult doing it, they'd think in those moments, that they don't need to because nobody else does.
 

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