Working on SELF.....

L

Ladybj

Live, Laugh and Love
Location
Somewhere in the USA
Is MUCH difficult than I ever expected but so well worth it. I am and will always be a work in progress. I understand why a LOT of people do not work on inner self..MORE THAN A NOTION. I love reading and I see my counselor about once a month. Between the two.. I'm GOOD :ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO: :love: I understand as long as I live, I will loose love ones along the way. I understand life is forever changing. I am learning at the wonderful age of 60 to LET GO AND JUST FLOW WITH LIFE. Are their others that are/have worked on inner self?
 

I did a lot of work on myself mainly in my late 20's through my mid 30's but then again a few times after that. My work started when I had a wife, a son, a dog, a house and a good job but I realized I wasn't happy. I had been laboring under the misunderstanding that achieving all of those goals would lead me to be happy. I went to a counselor to talk about being unhappy and she strangely asked me to come back with my then wife for the next session. We went through the remaining five sessions that came with my health care from the company I worked for at the time. At the end the counselor suggested I start to attend some meetings and also suggested my wife attend a different set of meetings. I did, she didn't, I started changing, she remained the same and eventually we split up.

The meetings I went to opened me up to an entirely new way of life and lead me to be prepared for better and better relationships. I had the best relationship I've ever had, but we were in two different phases of life and she needed to be on a different path. I eventually met my now wife and have had an amazing life with her that I could never had imagined. She keeps me honest and lets me know when I should look within myself when I'm getting away from what I've learned.

So I still look inwards, but it isn't quite as time consuming or deep as it was in the past. But I too see myself as a work in progress and I still hope to continue to improve.
 

I have not gone for professional counseling but for me, writing in a journal has been the way I worked on myself. After 3 unhappy marriages, I came to the conclusion that I was not meant to live with anyone. I think I always measured my worth by the man I was with not by who I am. Now at 68, I am the happiest I have ever been. I have no money. My first husband had a professional accounting firm and we were very well off. But I felt like his child. Not a wife.

I still write in a journal every morning and I go back and read my old ones quite often. I am always working on improving myself and looking forward to the future.
 
asp3 said:
I did a lot of work on myself mainly in my late 20's through my mid 30's but then again a few times after that. My work started when I had a wife, a son, a dog, a house and a good job but I realized I wasn't happy. I had been laboring under the misunderstanding that achieving all of those goals would lead me to be happy. I went to a counselor to talk about being unhappy and she strangely asked me to come back with my then wife for the next session. We went through the remaining five sessions that came with my health care from the company I worked for at the time. At the end the counselor suggested I start to attend some meetings and also suggested my wife attend a different set of meetings. I did, she didn't, I started changing, she remained the same and eventually we split up.

The meetings I went to opened me up to an entirely new way of life and lead me to be prepared for better and better relationships. I had the best relationship I've ever had, but we were in two different phases of life and she needed to be on a different path. I eventually met my now wife and have had an amazing life with her that I could never had imagined. She keeps me honest and lets me know when I should look within myself when I'm getting away from what I've learned.

So I still look inwards, but it isn't quite as time consuming or deep as it was in the past. But I too see myself as a work in progress and I still hope to continue to improve.
Click to expand...
Love your post. I can relate in sooo many ways.
 
Chet said:
Popeye said "I am what I am." That's how I feel. I made it this far so I could not have been too bad. I think some people try to so called "improve" to please others, and not themselves. Screw it, be yourself.
Click to expand...
I agree with people change to please others. I better myself for ME. I am who I am...others can Love me, Hate me..... doesn't matter. As long as you respect me, I will have the upmost respect for you.
 
ClassicRockr said:
There are those that don't like my personality, but...........oh well, "I am what I am". Anyway, my wife loves my personality and she's all that matters.
Click to expand...
You're lucky, you have a personality, (I mean that flippantly, just for fun, and seriously, because I believe it is possible to so suppress your own personality that you become almost anonymous!). :)
 
Ladybj said:
Is MUCH difficult than I ever expected but so well worth it. I am and will always be a work in progress. I understand why a LOT of people do not work on inner self..MORE THAN A NOTION. I love reading and I see my counselor about once a month. Between the two.. I'm GOOD :ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO: :love: I understand as long as I live, I will loose love ones along the way. I understand life is forever changing. I am learning at the wonderful age of 60 to LET GO AND JUST FLOW WITH LIFE. Are their others that are/have worked on inner self?
Click to expand...
Have you ever met a partner who could do the same thing for you, be both a counsellor at times, plus your own special person?

I admit I haven't, whilst at the same time I did meet one lady who I hankered after a great deal, and I felt she knew me really well, quite early in our relationship. Maybe this was a delusion, and she kept emphasising our different perspectives, and though I didn't want to acknowledge it, she was right there, and her cleaning fanaticism would have been wearing from my perspective too.
 
Ladybj said:
That was one of my problems.. but getting a LOT better.
Click to expand...
I suppose its possible to get to a point where you never criticise yourself, only others, or even God forbid become like so many with a complete inability for introspection or admitting fault, (not referring to you I hope you accept).

I agree though, there is a need to "put on o es suit of armour" when so many are so adept at unreasonable criticisms, "its what they do best!" (Maybe to protect their own id?).
 
grahamg said:
I suppose its possible to get to a point where you never criticise yourself, only others, or even God forbid become like so many with a complete inability for introspection or admitting fault, (not referring to you I hope you accept).

I agree though, there is a need to "put on o es suit of armour" when so many are so adept at unreasonable criticisms, "its what they do best!" (Maybe to protect their own id?).
Click to expand...
??????????? I am not one to criticize others...they like it, who am I to criticize. I know a little but I don't it all. People do what they feel is best for them. Whether others like it or not, if they like it, that's what matters. Everyone is entitled as to how they live their life.
 
Repondering said:
I've been overthinking my inner life for 50 years. I seem to criticize myself a lot more than anybody else criticizes me. Gotta do better on that.....
Click to expand...

I'm not sure if this will help or not but what you wrote resonates me somewhat. During my late 20's and early 30's I started to continue to look at my past and the choices I made but started to look at those decisions as the best I could do at the time even if I knew I could have chosen otherwise or knew I didn't choose what was the right decision. Looking back I still saw my mistakes but rather than dwell on them I started to learn from them and try new things to try to avoid making such mistakes in the future.

What I eventually learned to do with the examples of many other people who shared their stories was to start to do what felt right at the time. It was important for me to make sure it really felt right as opposed to feeling like the easiest way to proceed.

What this has allowed me to do is to really know that what I decided felt right at the time even if the results weren't that good. I really started to feel much better about my decisions and am at peace with where I am.

I do however sometimes not make the choice which feels right or I know is right. I often end up paying the price for doing so but I'm also aware of what I've done and try to learn from it. However I do it less and less over time. Progress not perfection.
 
The more time one wastes seeking one's inner self or whatever it is called the greater the number of doors open to fear, self doubt, depression, misery, anxiety and suicide. There is no cure for human nature. Just live.
 
Ladybj said:
??????????? I am not one to criticize others...they like it, who am I to criticize. I know a little but I don't it all. People do what they feel is best for them. Whether others like it or not, if they like it, that's what matters. Everyone is entitled as to how they live their life.
Click to expand...
If you've read some of my recent posts on other threads you may have noticed my comments made about a "so called friend", (someone with a very overbearing nature, I probably wouldn't try to be a friend to if I weren't so desperate for friends right now). I don't think criticising him anonymously here is wrong, and I can just get it off my chest, or use it as a device to show just how much I now believe I can understand those complaining about their exes/husbands.
I hope you don't think I've criticised you on this thread, though it may have come across this way, and as the two posts above this one show, there are mixed views on " working on oneself", and I'd put myself somewhere between the two of them on the subject. :)
 
Last edited:
fmdog44 said:
The more time one wastes seeking one's inner self or whatever it is called the greater the number of doors open to fear, self doubt, depression, misery, anxiety and suicide. There is no cure for human nature. Just live.
Click to expand...

I disagree completely. This has not been my experience. I used to focus on all that was happening outside myself and tried to act in ways to manipulate and influence it. When I started to focus on my inner self I started to recognize the things within myself that wanted to exert so much control on the outside world. As I shined light on them I was able to notice them as they came up and was able to start to ignore them. As I changed and moved forward I started to develop a calmer, more serene inner self. Now when I focus on my inner self it's more fine tuning to either enhance my serenity and peace or to examine what's causing any disruption so I can deal it rather than letting it unconsciously deal with me.
 
I think about my past, my memories, and they give me a sense of belonging.....belonging to a journey, a journey that is still continuing. But I don't want to be bound by my memories, to repeat the past, rather I want to use my memories, my past, not be used by them.....use my past as a ground to step into the future.
And.......that future includes rebirths. That's a whole other conversation......
 
asp3 said:
I disagree completely. This has not been my experience. I used to focus on all that was happening outside myself and tried to act in ways to manipulate and influence it. When I started to focus on my inner self I started to recognize the things within myself that wanted to exert so much control on the outside world. As I shined light on them I was able to notice them as they came up and was able to start to ignore them. As I changed and moved forward I started to develop a calmer, more serene inner self. Now when I focus on my inner self it's more fine tuning to either enhance my serenity and peace or to examine what's causing any disruption so I can deal it rather than letting it unconsciously deal with me.
Click to expand...
Do you believe you love as freely as you once did, (or maybe more so?)?
I'm not suggesting at all that you're self centred, and your posts indicate the opposite to me, but I wonder whether the clamer, more serene, and peaceful you, maybe hides the spontaneous side, where love gets shown, even when you're losing your cool, or especially then sometimes(?).
 
grahamg said:
Do you believe you love as freely as you once did, (or maybe more so?)?
I'm not suggesting at all that you're self centred, and your posts indicate the opposite to me, but I wonder whether the clamer, more serene, and peaceful you, maybe hides the spontaneous side, where love gets shown, even when you're losing your cool, or especially then sometimes(?).
Click to expand...

Thank you for the great question and I didn't think that you were suggesting I was self centered.

I'd have to answer that question as yes and no. For the yes portion I think I love more freely than I did before with my wife. I think that looking at my inner self does expose my self centered nature (so you would have been right suggesting I have a self centered nature in myself) and helps me learn to recognize that and choose not to be affected by it as much or as often.

For the no portion, my relationship with my wife is definitely more difficult than an earlier relationship where I felt that I loved more freely than I do now. But I think that's related to the different nature of my wife and my former girlfriend. However I am fully committed to my wife and know that I am choosing to be with her in spite of knowing that I might be able to find a better more fulfilling relationship. My relationship with my wife is still very good and I think it would be difficult to find someone as wonderful as my wife, but I know that is possible.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top