Carrying out the search above I came across this guys views I'd endorse 100% I think, (its a bit confusing because he's answering the person who asked the questions he's addressed in turn at the end):
"I’m sure you don’t realize it, but you are dealing with several separate structures of authority here, rather than one single one, and that is the cause of your consternation and confusion.
There are always AT LEAST two reasons to respect other people. One reason for the fact that they are people, due at least as much respect as you are, and the other is because of whatever status or position they hold.
Your parents are due respect both as other human beings, and they are also due a different kind of respect because they are your parents. In addition to that, chances are good that at least while you are living with them, they also hold the status of owners of the household, which is yet again another position due respect in other ways.
Although you will often hear people say that “respect must be earned,” most people who do say so out loud, actually don’t know what they are talking about. Quite literally, don’t know. Because it is true that SOME kinds of respect must be earned, but it is not true that ALL kinds of respect must be earned.
And in addition, when it comes to “losing respect,” things get complicated as well. At no time, can you ever say that someone should lose the respect they deserve simply for being a fellow human being. Never. Someone might lose respect for being an HONEST human being, but that is a separate kind of respect again.
Another confusion you may have, is with what the term “respect” actually means in each situation you mention. Because it is unfortunately true, that most people speak fairly sloppily, and use terms such as “respect” incorrectly, thus making for even more confusion.
One of the most common ways where people misapply the term “respect,” is when it comes to areas of cooperation or obedience. Many people say “you must show respect,” when what they really ought to say is “you must obey,” and so many people, especially children, get the idea that respect is all about one person having power over another. This is extra annoying, because one of the primary implied meanings of the word “respect,” is “look up to and think highly of,” which doesn’t always fit in with situations where a person must submit to authorities with whom they disagree.
So. My simplified answers to your questions, in light of all that, are:
Q: “Why does everyone just assume that parents deserve respect?”
A: They don’t. They are just sloppy about telling you that you must respect your parents STATUS as your parents, as a part of the structure of society. They don’t “deserve” that, it comes with the job, so to speak. It’s like the fact that you don’t DESERVE to have whatever eye color you do: you just have it.
Q: “ Aren't you supposed to respect to be respected?”
A: No. Each kind of respect is entirely separate from the other kind. If someone SHOULD respect you, but they do not, that doesn’t mean that you should not respect them, as a sort of punishment or revenge. It means instead that you need to deal with them differently than you would with people who DO show you the correct respect. This is a part of the overall idea that if it is wrong to be disrespectful, it is wrong to be so whether someone else is or not. Just as if it is wrong to steal, it is wrong to steal even from a thief.
Q: “What should you do if your parents don't respect you, but think they deserve your respect?”
A: This is not possible to answer without knowing the details, especially since I can’t tell whether you have used the term “respect” correctly and consistently here. It may or may not be true, that your parents are behaving inconsistently with you. But having been both a child and a parent, I know first hand, that many times, this sort of thing is a matter of the details, and is more often misunderstood, than is correctly understood. Again, see the above description of how sloppy most people are about word usages.
Q: “Also, does respect mean obey everything they say?”
A: No, and yes. Again, there is more than one meaning to the word respect involved, but even more to the point, the reasons why you must obey, most of the time, isn’t connected to respect of the “looking up to them” kind, it is connected to the respect of the role that the parents play in your life.
It’s the same as a relationship with an external authority, such as a teacher, or an employer. You don’t have to “respect” your boss or your instructor as a human being, before you have to obey their instructions to you. The two things have nothing to do with each other."
https://www.quora.com/Why-does-ever...so-does-respect-mean-obey-everything-they-say
