My pen pal is in hospice

Grampa Don

Grampa Don

Yep, that's me
Location
Orange county, Calif.
My pen pal is in last stage cancer. He figures if he’s lucky he has about 2 months. I’ve never met him, but we’ve written back and forth for 16 years. I have photos of him and his wife and sent him photos of my wife and myself. We have some things in common and are very different in other ways. I know his life story and he knows mine. He gave me support when my wife passed away.

We’ve e-mailed about once or twice a month, sometimes more often. We’ve shared our pleasures and complaints. He loves his old truck and I loved my old ford. He has a big garden and I may grow a hill or two of summer squash. He likes to build plastic model kits and sent me one of the sub I served on.

It’s funny. He’s my best friend and we’ve never met. I will miss him so much.
 

Grampa Don said:
My pen pal is in last stage cancer. He figures if he’s lucky he has about 2 months. I’ve never met him, but we’ve written back and forth for 16 years. I have photos of him and his wife and sent him photos of my wife and myself. We have some things in common and are very different in other ways. I know his life story and he knows mine. He gave me support when my wife passed away.
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I'm sorry your friend is so ill, Don. I know you will miss him a lot. We'll be here for you. 💙
 

I have an online best friend in addition to the in person one I've had for 46 years. My online bestie and I had not only a friendship but a symbiotic relationship...helping each other remotely with our creative projects. We finally met in person in 2019 when she visited Washington DC to meet her "new" cousins from Ancestry. I hung out with them all day. It's not likely we'll ever see each other in person again because she lives in California, I live in New Jersey.

Even though you never met you friend in person, it doesn't make him any less your friend. To say he's your best friend is not a stretch at all so I understand that you will really feel the loss when he's gone. I hope that your friend's pain is being managed well and that his transition will be peaceful. You'll have us here on the forum for support when the time comes.
 
I'm sorry to hear this, Don. I do know about this... I started writing to a pen pal in the early 1980s who became a very dear friend. She died in 2020 and it has left a hole for sure. I also lost a precious pen pal sister/friend about 20 years ago... found out when her mother wrote on the back of the Christmas card I'd sent... "sorry to inform you, but....." and returned to sender. :cry:

I'm aware that not everyone understands how close these friendships can be... but I know the truth. I've been wishing very much to find some email pen pals again, but it's not as easy as it used to be. @Grampa Don
 
It's going to leave a huge hole in your life Don, and of course the grief for someone who enriched your life..

Nowadays Penpals are basically a thing of the past, so that's another door closed ...

Fortunately you're luckier than some being a member here, in that we here on the forum can replace in a small way what you have with your friend.. we're always here to talk or listen and encourage... and if you wanted something more intimate, not for public viewing then there is the Private message facility here which means if you have a friend here you can exchange mails between you on a more personal level.

I hope that will put your mind at rest in some little way as to going forward without your friend... and I wish him a longer life if he wants it , and a smooth and pain free passing..
 
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Thank you for your comments. I appreciate them. Here are some words from his latest e-mail. He's a very special person.

By any measure that's a good long run, and when I recall how much I loved life and the things I had the opportunity to do and see, there is nothing to be sad about. I will leave with a smile on my face. And my friend, I don't want you to feel any sadness due to this illness of mine, or my inevitable end of life. We're born, we live, we die, that's the natural progression of our time here.
 
I had a lovely friendship with another fellow from a previous Forum. He was always being picked on and he decided to leave. I sent him a PM to get in touch with me. He responded and we became the best of friends. We always kept in touch each week. I knew he was married but he said his wife was okay with our friendship. This went on for about 7 years.
One day he wrote to say he had a terrible fall in his driveway and a neighbour had to ring an ambulance. He was admitted to hospital for a week for tests but he said he was afraid for his health. I think he could have been in his early 80's. The thing I'm concerned about is I have sent him many emails asking how he is getting along, but not a reply. I have a strange feeling he has passed away. :(.
 
Grampa Don said:
Thank you for your comments. I appreciate them. Here are some words from his latest e-mail. He's a very special person.

By any measure that's a good long run, and when I recall how much I loved life and the things I had the opportunity to do and see, there is nothing to be sad about. I will leave with a smile on my face. And my friend, I don't want you to feel any sadness due to this illness of mine, or my inevitable end of life. We're born, we live, we die, that's the natural progression of our time here.
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He's a wise and loving man.
 
oscash said:
One day he wrote to say he had a terrible fall in his driveway and a neighbour had to ring an ambulance. He was admitted to hospital for a week for tests but he said he was afraid for his health. I think he could have been in his early 80's. The thing I'm concerned about is I have sent him many emails asking how he is getting along, but not a reply. I have a strange feeling he has passed away. :(.
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That's the risk that comes with a pen pal. They can suddenly disappear and you may never know why.
 
fuzzybuddy said:
I had a ten year Aussie email pen pal. We wrote to each other every day. She was sickly, on dialysis, and passed away. She told me about her married daughter and her multiple lovers., etc. And she knew my family. So, while we never met or heard each other's voice, we knew each other. I'm sorry for your loss.
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that's kinda like here... we've known each other for years many of us.. speak every day...know loads about our lives, but never met, never heard voices...
 
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Goodness, this thread really hits home....
While on a model railroad forum 17 years ago, I had reason to send a private message to a fellow who was moving from San Francisco to Red Lodge Montana. He was concerned about the cold weather and what he should do concerning his SUV. I know a bit about cold weather and driving (born/raised in Chicago) and passed along some advice. Long story short, we found we had many similar interests and we got along quite well. We emailed 4-5 times a week, talking about the outdoors, cars, model building, people, and our life experiences. Quite honestly, I could talk with him about anything and everything, and that is something special!

He began having health issues and about three years ago he and his wife moved to Sacramento, and after a year and worsening health, he had to go to a home. In the last two years he was rapidly going downhill, but we still managed to email chat a couple times a week.

Two weeks ago on a Wednesday he sent me a short email saying: the doctor just left and she said I had cancer and leukemia. I immediately wrote back with several questions, but got no response. The next day his wife emailed me and said Wayne was just released from the hospital. I didn't even know he was in the hospital. The next day, Friday, his wife emailed and said Wayne is in Hospice care and the give him a couple of weeks!

The next morning, I got an email from his wife saying "Wayne passed on during the night". I was (am still) shocked. I honestly think he didn't have a clue as to how ill he was, and to be blunt, I don't believe his wife cared. Anyway, Wayne was cremated and his ashes spread over the waters just outside the Golden Gate bridge.

I'm still absorbing his passing, and more than once I've thought, "I need to email Wayne and ask him this or tell him that". And immediately the real world slaps me in the face.

For some it may be hard to believe, but Wayne and I were pretty darn close, chatted so many times, shared videos and pics, but never met each other. I guess if there is a moral to this story, its cherish your friends, for they may be gone tomorrow.
 

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