I just want one woman friend to go out to craft fairs, museums, coffee, walks

L

LoveTulips

Member
Location
British Columbia, Canada
I'm very lucky, I am retired at 68, I have a good husband and a cute kitty. I have lots of hobbies. But I don't have a woman friend to go out with. My hubby doesn't want to do any of the above, but he has asthma and sciatica pain. My close friends died 10 years ago. At the Seniors Centre, the women there want to just stay local. They are a lot older but actually when my mom was alive, at 80 years old, she would go everywhere to do stuff not just stay local, so it's not necessarily an age thing. I live in New Westminster, BC and I'm fed up of just doing stuff local.

I had, at first, stayed in touch with two women at the local college where I worked. They are still both working there. However, one the women is not interested in walks, coffee, museums, craft fairs, etc. She loves getting together to drink at a restaurant or a pub or at her home. I can't drink anymore. I actually I had a problem with alcohol so I don't drink at all.

The other woman is fine with meeting me for lunch while she is still working at the college where she and I work(worked). However, she told me that once she retires from the college, she will not be meeting me anymore. She lives quite far away and even though I mentioned we could meet halfway, she said, nope, still too far even though I would be travelling as well to meet her!

I just would like to have one woman friend to do stuff with outside of New Westminster, BC.
 

Gosh, I'd love to have a friend to go with to out of town day trips and didn't mind driving.

I'm a bad driver who floats between terror (I really hate to merge) and inattention ( "The light's green, Mom.") So I stay in town, going to book club and Kroger and quietly infuriating the other drivers.

I wish you lived closer. Love Tulips!
 

Considering all of the caveats about hazardous Big Social Media of course... that might be something Facebook could be good for. If you can connect with former co-workers or even people you knew in high school you might well find one or two with similar interests and motivations living in your area that you might get along with.
 
I can relate: most of the women in my age group--all the ones I've met so far anyway--are all moms and grandmas who not only want to talk about only their families but also find it weird (and even in some cases, bad) that I chose not to have kids.

There are a few women in my age group whose interests align more with mine but they have all been much more highly educated than I and have made it pretty clear that they'd rather not associate with "the uneducated."

I've tried the meetup.com route when it had more groups in our area--Covid killed a lot of groups & they never resurrected--and did meet some nice gals who had some or a lot of the same interests but they were all about 20 years younger than I so they were still working, taking care of elderly parents, etc.

And as nice as they were, they hadn't even started thinking yet about how old age impacts some of the things you want to do. For instance one of them suggested we all go see a movie; when I replied I can no longer go to the movies since I have to visit the restroom so many times (last time I went it was 4 times) during the movie, they were startled. And then they were sympathetic but they still all went to the movies without me. And I don't blame them; it was a good movie.

So I've given up; I've tried everything (and yes, I did try forming my own group and got nowhere, I mean zero interest) and have come to the conclusion that it seems like most people only want to be friends with people they're already friends with. Also, as someone said to me once, "You know, with your interests, etc., I think you'd be happier living in or close to a major city." Oh, boy, don't I know it, but I can't even convince Huzz to move any closer to our little town let alone close to a real city.
 
officerripley said:
There are a few women in my age group whose interests align more with mine but they have all been much more highly educated than I and have made it pretty clear that they'd rather not associate with "the uneducated."
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Yeah, you can also run into other issues. Some married people are uncomfortable around singles, or income levels might be the issue, or their entire brain capacity seems to be tied up thinking about organized sports, or their political views could be extreme and rabidly noisy... even when they might be compatible with your own.
 
An all too familiar problem of getting older no matter what sex you are. Friends die, they move away, or become self-absorbed with family, children, and grandchildren take the place of friends. I would love to have someone like my best bud from earlier days, I'm looking, but, at the same time having internet friends is good enough for me.

I used to post on a forum that had lots of young people there, one of the frequent questions they asked was what was really important in life. I answered without hesitation that the most important thing was having one close friend in life. I hope you find that friend.
 
I can’t imagine even asking about someone’s education before deciding to be friends with them. I met someone who became a good friend at the vet because I sat next to her. I guess I am lucky because I have many friends even though 8 of my friends have died.
 
Teacher Terry said:
I can’t imagine even asking about someone’s education before deciding to be friends with them. I met someone who became a good friend at the vet because I sat next to her. I guess I am lucky because I have many friends even though 8 of my friends have died.
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There was one and only one women's empowerment group here in town (at one time; now there aren't any) and to join, you had to be either enrolled or teaching at our local university. When I told the gal who ran it that I had worked at the university for 30 years so could I still join, she said, "No, sorry."
 
What I have found is that my same age peers who don't have bad pain after walking just 1/4 or 1/2 a mile simply do not relate to or understand the pain I'm in.

I think I cover it well, maybe I don't? IDK. But I try not to grimace or complain. I'll slow down my pace and look for places to sit. But one friend in particular, I think they will loathe being seen with a woman on one of those scooter things. I will need one of those if I ever get to go to Disneyland with my grandchild.

"We judge you" is the mantra from too many parts of society, IMO. Unkindness reigns.
 
Della said:
Gosh, I'd love to have a friend to go with to out of town day trips and didn't mind driving.

I'm a bad driver who floats between terror (I really hate to merge) and inattention ( "The light's green, Mom.") So I stay in town, going to book club and Kroger and quietly infuriating the other drivers.

I wish you lived closer. Love Tulips!
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You and me both, Della!
 
dilettante said:
Considering all of the caveats about hazardous Big Social Media of course... that might be something Facebook could be good for. If you can connect with former co-workers or even people you knew in high school you might well find one or two with similar interests and motivations living in your area that you might get along with.
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Thanks for the suggestion, but I don't do social media.
 
I find the response of the woman who would not want to meet for lunch after she retires, odd. I don't know her but it seems range. I'd quit lunch with her now.

I kind of like to go to things like that by myself. I can look at what I want as long as I want. But we are all different and I know the appeal of sharing something with someone that is with you.

I'd just like to go to a good artisan craft fair. Our local holiday one went away and I guess others are further away. There is one the next county over but I haven't gone in years.
 
LoveTulips: Do you have any particular hobbies you are interested in. I love Quilling and found out about a shop nearby that held classes for beginners and advanced. I met some lovely ladies there and it lasted about 6 years. I then moved on to advanced groups and even entered some of my works in the Royal Easter Show in Sydney and Queensland., (a friend went to the Queensland Show and saw one of my entries which won 1st place,) I was shocked when I found out. So, ask around church groups and local community centres, you may suddenly find what you are
looking for. Good Luck.
 
oscash said:
LoveTulips: Do you have any particular hobbies you are interested in. I love Quilling and found out about a shop nearby that held classes for beginners and advanced. I met some lovely ladies there and it lasted about 6 years. I then moved on to advanced groups and even entered some of my works in the Royal Easter Show in Sydney and Queensland., (a friend went to the Queensland Show and saw one of my entries which won 1st place,) I was shocked when I found out. So, ask around church groups and local community centres, you may suddenly find what you are
looking for. Good Luck.
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Yup, I have many, many hobbies including paper quilling. I have tried a few groups at the Seniors Centre for art, crafts. The crafts group, knitting and crochet (granny stuff mostly to sell at their annual fair), mostly talked about grandchildren, sickness and dying - I was bored to tears. I would try to get conversations moving in another direction but somehow my conversations just derailed.

The art group that I attended, when I went to sit down, I was told in no uncertain terms that that was so and so's chair... what am I supposed to do to make a reservation?? And then when, I tried to participate in conversations, I was cut off a few times, very cliquey!! They are also a wealthy bunch who travel the world, and somehow I did not fit in.

I don't want to pay to go to art classes, etc. as hubby and I really have to watch our pennies. And then there was a knitting/crochet group (free to join) but they meet in the evening and I don't go out at night as I don't drive and hubby doesn't like driving at night if at all possible. There were also some other groups at the Seniors Centre that I might be interested in but again I don't go out at night.

I thought of joining a Catholic Church that is near me but haven't done that as of yet.

To be honest if I did not have a partner and I was living alone, I'm sure I would make more of an effort.
 
davey said:
you could start a home group and become elitist?
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davey said:
you could start a home group and become elitist?
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Davey: My son suggested the same to me, "advertise you are starting up a craft group and see who is interested." It sounds good but when I looked into it, I have to take out insurance in case someone could fall over in my place, and they could sue me. Don't think I would want to get into that.
 
LoveTulips said:
The art group that I attended, when I went to sit down, I was told in no uncertain terms that that was so and so's chair... what am I supposed to do to make a reservation?? And then when, I tried to participate in conversations, I was cut off a few times, very cliquey!! They are also a wealthy bunch who travel the world, and somehow I did not fit in.
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Wow, same type of things have happened to me: I thought about joining an embroidery group, the gal who ran it seemed really nice, she encouraged me to come to their next meeting and when I went, when she introduced me to the only other member there, the other member frowned at me, I mean really scowled and then acted like I didn't exist. So I never went back.

I belonged for a while to a book club that I found out was full of very wealthy women who didn't even want to talk at all either before or after each meeting; they'd hurry out of there as soon as we were finished. (And if you're thinking, "Why didn't you try seeing if they'd socialize outside of the bookclub?", I did try; no dice.)

Also, there were 2 or 3 who always monopolized each discussion and always managed, when talking about the books, to make reference to their latest trip to Europe. In fact, one mentioned when I asked her if she liked having a Kindle, "Oh, yes, it's great. One day last summer, my husband walked into the house and said, 'Honey, I'm bored! Let's go to Europe!' So I didn't have to pack a bunch of books in a hurry; I just threw the Kindle into my suitcase." "I'm bored! Let's go to Europe!": gimme a break.
 


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