Is she flirting with me?

PeppermintPatty said:
Awwww… It was harmless. We made it out to sound evil and perverted. Shame on us. Sorry Victor. Individually we are good people. Together we sometimes act like pack animals.
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I appreciate the agreement about what I thought I saw. What can we do about encouraging good relationships? I was such a man-hater for many years but having a son pulled me out of that. Later in life, I learned my father did not abandon me but I am still not willing to accept a male god.

Crazy how much SEX has to do with our lives, even our ideas of the gods and goddesses. Our notions of being male or female influence our religious and political beliefs. As well as how we talk about each other.
 

Our talk didn't sound evil and perverted to me. I thought we were just having fun pointing out some of the Mars / Venus differences and how those differences can cause miscommunication even into old age, as in my father's story.

I did notice Victor started this thread five days ago and didn't return until right after I posted.
 
Vida May said:
I appreciate the agreement about what I thought I saw. What can we do about encouraging good relationships? I was such a man-hater for many years but having a son pulled me out of that. Later in life, I learned my father did not abandon me but I am still not willing to accept a male god.

Crazy how much SEX has to do with our lives, even our ideas of the gods and goddesses. Our notions of being male or female influence our religious and political beliefs. As well as how we talk about each other.
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Sex in general can complicate things. I’ve definitely got baggage ; because I’ve got baggage I read into Victors message as an older, lonely man having an overactive imagination. I’ll say it again, we weren’t there.

For a while, I felt sorry for Victor but he did ask us for our opinion and got it. Vida May,…. You nailed it when you said some people have a lot of baggage. I’ve been in plenty of situations where I’ve been nothing but friendly and been taken advance of . Sometimes just being female with female body parts is enough to get harassed.

The thread reminded me of the many times in my life when someone has thought my friendliness was some type of come on. It can get really uncomfortable 🥴

For the record, I hated puberty too.
You’re not alone.
 

PeppermintPatty said:
Sex in general can complicate things. I’ve definitely got baggage ; because I’ve got baggage I read into Victors message as an older, lonely man having an overactive imagination. I’ll say it again, we weren’t there.

For a while, I felt sorry for Victor but he did ask us for our opinion and got it. Vida May,…. You nailed it when you said some people have a lot of baggage. I’ve been in plenty of situations where I’ve been nothing but friendly and been taken advance of . Sometimes just being female with female body parts is enough to get harassed.

The thread reminded me of the many times in my life when someone has thought my friendliness was some type of come on. It can get really uncomfortable 🥴

For the record, I hated puberty too.
You’re not alone.
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Well, talking about our female experience is kind of hijacking the thread but we need understanding. You and I are not the only women with baggage. I didn't dare be alone with any man. They all hit on me, including a stepfather and in-laws. This caused a lot of trouble. And there is nothing pleasant about telling a male "no" and then dealing with his hurt ego and hoping my ride home is uneventful.

What really bothered me was being excluded from conversations with males that were more interesting than what women used to talk about. My college experience with a male professor who was a chauvinist pig and rejected all research work that was not in the male-dominated abstracts. 🤬 I watch TV shows about past sexism and feel like I need to apologize to all the guys who are really good guys, but ah, we are carrying baggage. I lot of us are wondering how our lives would be now if sexism had not closed us out.
 
Vida May said:
Well, talking about our female experience is kind of hijacking the thread but we need understanding. You and I are not the only women with baggage. I didn't dare be alone with any man. They all hit on me, including a stepfather and in-laws. This caused a lot of trouble. And there is nothing pleasant about telling a male "no" and then dealing with his hurt ego and hoping my ride home is uneventful.

What really bothered me was being excluded from conversations with males that were more interesting than what women used to talk about. My college experience with a male professor who was a chauvinist pig and rejected all research work that was not in the male-dominated abstracts. 🤬 I watch TV shows about past sexism and feel like I need to apologize to all the guys who are really good guys, but ah, we are carrying baggage. I lot of us are wondering how our lives would be now if sexism had not closed us out.
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Yes us discussing our baggage IS hijacking’ the thread which I’m famous for. I think Victor was very brave to say how he really felt. Like the rest of us he probably liked the attention but also felt frustrated. We ALL carry baggage. Sometimes our baggage becomes part of our personality. I’m trying hard not to lead with my baggage.

I got hit on a lot when I was younger and was called nasty names. I still get called offensive names but I can’t change people. That’s on them. I don’t miss being hit on.
 
John cycling said:
So the answer to this thread is, "yes," she was flirting with him.
But, just like many of the women on this thread, it was flirting, but it wasn't really flirting. 🤔
It's the clueless men who don't understand, that just because it's flirting, does NOT mean it's flirting.
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I think most people men and women, understand light jokey banter, even when it has a sort of mock flirting to it - meaning both parties know it is all in fun only.

But some people might misinterpret banter as real or get a bit carried away, even if only in their mind

It isnt a gender thing - both men
 
if a man is charsming and polite talking to a woman for the first time I don't think it indicates he isn't hitting on her he is just doing it in a nice way?
 
PeppermintPatty said:
Yes us discussing our baggage IS hijacking’ the thread which I’m famous for. I think Victor was very brave to say how he really felt. Like the rest of us he probably liked the attention but also felt frustrated. We ALL carry baggage. Sometimes our baggage becomes part of our personality. I’m trying hard not to lead with my baggage.

I got hit on a lot when I was younger and was called nasty names. I still get called offensive names but I can’t change people. That’s on them. I don’t miss being hit on.
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I got into a conversation with a man in the hot tub this morning and he is perfect for teaching men how to be very attractive. He said he went through a dark period and saw a counselor for two years and now he really has his act together. He has made constructive thinking a habit. Many Eastern philosophers speak of the importance of learning virtues and making virtuous thinking a habit.

Something very noticeable about his thinking is his open-mindedness and including history and cultural diversity into his thinking, so he is not a black or white guy but has a very broad perspective.

Virtue is a subject that may fit here. When we are virtuous everyone is safe.
 
davey said:
if a man is charsming and polite talking to a woman for the first time I don't think it indicates he isn't hitting on her he is just doing it in a nice way?
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I googled for an answer to your question and got this

virtue of integrity - Google Search

Integrity, said author C.S. Lewis, “is doing the right thing, even when no one is looking.” Integrity is a foundational moral virtue, and the bedrock upon which good character is built.

Acting with integrity means understanding, accepting, and choosing to live in accordance with one’s principles, which will include honesty, fairness, and decency. A person of integrity will consistently demonstrate good character by being free of corruption and hypocrisy.

Integrity is revealed when people act virtuously regardless of circumstance or consequences.
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I think we can assume everyone here has integrity.

However, we are living without the old agreements. People no longer know what the rules are or if there are any rules. This is not a good environment for understanding virtues, principles, and integrity. In some apartments and some companies, there is agreement that relationships are not to get too friendly. On the other hand, we are supposed to have sexual freedom, but the wrong move can cost a person his/her job or even legal consequences. 🤪

I am not so sure sexual freedom is a good idea. Not only are we having problems with it but we have also destroyed privacy. I think we have created a pretty unsafe situation.
 
If we now live in some societies where the law recognizes all as equal regardless of gender - then does one group of adults need legal protection from another group at certain times like say during pregancy for example - are "the fairer sex still weaker than the physically stronger sex" and do they need additional protections in law?
 
George1959 said:
I didn't hate puberty. The awakening of sexuality, one girl in the neighborhood, the girls at school. Even now I still remember all of this with very nice feelings.
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You are a guy, right? It seems to me, in the past, the more sex a guy had the better his reputation but back in the day "good girls didn't do it" and and bad girls were shunned. This and the fact that sex leads to pregnancy and it is difficult to stay home to care for the child and at the same time hold down a job to support the child, puts a female in a very different position than is the case for men.

In a society without good family values and where needing help raising a child is looked down upon, sexual freedom can lead to heartache and regret. It troubles me that young males can be careless about the consequences. This is just a female's perspective. I don't know how much males think about the possible bad consequences for a female who stands to lose a lot.
 
Vida May said:
You are a guy, right? It seems to me, in the past, the more sex a guy had the better his reputation but back in the day "good girls didn't do it" and and bad girls were shunned. This and the fact that sex leads to pregnancy and it is difficult to stay home to care for the child and at the same time hold down a job to support the child, puts a female in a very different position than is the case for men.

In a society without good family values and where needing help raising a child is looked down upon, sexual freedom can lead to heartache and regret. It troubles me that young males can be careless about the consequences. This is just a female's perspective. I don't know how much males think about the possible bad consequences for a female who stands to lose a lot.
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agreed ; absolutely Vida and I'm a bonafidi guy with kids and grandkids and great grandkids to prove part of it!
 


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