The Mindless Thread

Cal goes to the Grocery Store.
His wife says, "1 gallon of milk and if they have Avocados get 6."
Cal returns in a couple of hours with 6 gal. of milk.
Wife asks, " why the 6 gallons of milk?"
"they had Avocados !"

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Today I ponder the meaning of a Wet-Vac in the Shop.
Does it mean buy Sponges, bucket and Soap. Save $20
at the Car Wash. Mmmm ........hard to choose, chap hands
or shaved wallet?
 
Lew goes into a bar and says to the
Real Hot Lady Bartender,
"Give me six double vodkas."
She says, "Wow! You must have had one hell of a day Sweetie! "
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

The next day Lew goes to the bar and
asks for the same drinks.
Hot lady Bartender asks, " What's the problem today Honey "
"I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"

On the third day Lew goes to the same bar and
orders another six double vodkas.
The Really Hot Bartender says,
"Geez Sweetie! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?".



"Yeah, my wife..."

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The Lil Brother is on trial for murder and if convicted, will get life imprisonment.
His older brother finds out that an Irish man is on the jury and figures he's the one to bribe.
He tell the Irish man that he will be paid $10,000 if he can convince the rest of the jury
to reduce the charge to manslaughter.

The jury is out an entire week and returns a verdict of manslaughter.
So after the trial, the Older brother goes to the Irish man's house,
tell him what a great job he has done and pays him the $10,000.

The Irish man replies, "It wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury
to change the charge to manslaughter.
They all wanted to let him off."
 
Jim comes through the door sweat pouring off him, shirt soaking wet, hair mussed up.
It's obvious he's been through something strenuous. His wife looks at him aghast. Jim,
she cries, I thought you just went golfing. What happened, honey? Well, sweetheart,
we were on the sixth hole, and I was having one of my best days. I tell you, I was on
the way to setting a course record. Then, all of a sudden Frank had a heart attack and
drops, well sweetheart I couldn't just leave him there. So I drag him, hits the ball &
to the sixth green. There is no one who can give a hand to help poor Frank ! So, for
the next 12 holes, it's hit the ball, drag Frank, hit the ball, drag Frank….I tell ya it was awful!
 
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THERE ARE 7 DAYS IN A WEEK AN 'SOMEDAY' ISN'T ONE OF THEM.


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The elderly couple had been dating each other for a long time. At the urging of their friends,
they decided it was finally time for marriage. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and
had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances,
living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly. "Well," she said, responding very carefully,
"I'd have to say... I would like it infrequently."

"The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, then over his glasses, he looked her in the eye and
casually asked ............ "Is that one word or two?" ..... :ROFLMAO:
 
As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, “Well, shucks, someone should go and tell his wife.”

Donnie says, “OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.”
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.
Ronnie says, “Where did you get that beer, Donnie?”
“Cooter’s wife gave it to me,” Donnie replies.

“That’s unbelievable, you said her husband is dead and she gives you beer?”

“Well, not exactly”, Donnie says. “When she answered the door, I said to her, “You must be Cooter’s widow.?

She said, “You must be mistaken. I’m not a widow.”

Then I said, “I’ll bet you a case of Budweiser you are!"
 
Haha, oh Donnie! That was quite a bold move and a risky bet to make, especially when dealing with such a sensitive topic. No wonder Ronnie was so surprised! I wonder if Donnie ever realized how inappropriate his wager was, or if he just saw it as a lucky score of free beer. 🍻
 
The Company has installed the new Quantum Computer that knows everything.
The Skeptical CEO always conscious of Cost Analysis asks the Quantum thingy,
"Where is my father?" The Thingy flickers and replies, "Your father is fishing on Lake Michigan."
The skeptical CEO said triumphantly, "You see?"
"I knew this was nonsense." My father has been dead for twenty years."
"No", Flickers the Quantum Thingy immediately.
"Your mother's husband has been dead for twenty years.
Your father just landed a three-pound trout."
 
Mom asks her son Lil Johnny, who's always getting into mischief,
"How do you expect to get into heaven?"
So, Lil Johnny thinks on that a lil bit and says,
"Well, I'll just run in and out and in and out and
keep slamming the door until St. Peter says,"
"For heaven's sake, Lil Johnny, either come in or stay out!'"

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"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

- Mark Twain

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Lil Johnny's in His Kia Sorento and is at the Traffic Light next to the Rolls-Royce.
He rolls down the window and says "that's an impressive car, does your Rolls have Wi-Fi? My Kia does!"
The Rolls driver replies, "Yes, it has Wi-Fi." Lil Johnny says, "Nice! And do you have a fridge in there? I have a fridge in the backseat of my Kia!"

The Royce driver, getting irritated, responds, "Yes, there's a refrigerator." "That's cool, man! What about a TV? I've got a TV in my Kia's backseat!" The Rolls driver, increasingly annoyed, says, "Yes, there's a television. A Rolls-Royce is the epitome of luxury vehicles!" "Thats an amazing car! But, do you have a bed in there? I've got a bed in the back of my Kia!" Frustrated that his car lacks a bed, the Rolls driver splits.

He goes the dealership and orders a bed to be installed in his Rolls. The following morning, he picks up his car, and the bed looks fantastic, complete with silk sheets and elegant brass accents. It's undoubtedly a bed suited for a Rolls-Royce. The driver spends the entire day searching for the Kia.

Finally, late that night, he spots the Kia parked with fogged-up windows. He gets out of his Rolls-Royce and knocks on the Kia's window. At first, there's no response, but then Lil Johnny pokes his head out, dripping wet.

"I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls," the driver declares smugly.
"Did you really hafto drag me out of the shower just to tell me that?!"
 
I thought I had an idea an my dog cried out to come back in to the house tonight.
What to do, should I follow my idea, my dream, or safe the dam dog! You know!
 
I can't wait for the Field Tractors to come with Technology so
I can goof off and still get stuff done with the Field Tractors.
You know a fake GPS badge so I can leave my real one
in my Tractors and leave the field while the Field Tractors
can get some work done & Me under a shady spot enjoying
a cold brew. ...
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You're lying on a Gurney at a very dangerous location.
Your paralyzed in trauma & pain from the horrific accidents.
The EMT ponders it a moment and then Duct Tapes you onto it.
You see the Robins are eating the red berries on the ground
around the lil tree and realize how wonderful March 1 can be.
 
"Lil Johnnys in his car, just driving along, and his Cell buzzes and vibrates'
His Boss says, "You've been promoted." Lil Johnny swerves over the white line.
So he hangs up. Then the Phone buzzes and vibrates again. The Boss says,
"You've been promoted," Again Lil Johnnys car swerves, this time toward the side of the road.
Lil Johnnys phone rings and vibrates a third time and the Boss says, I've appointed you
managing Director of Operations!" Lil Johnnys car hit a large tree. When the LEO arrive
and ask, "What happened Here Lil Johnny?" Well, Lil Johnny barely conscious answers,

"I careered off the road."
 
Hey Guy, your brain is the most outstanding organ in your body.
It works efficiently 24 hours per day, 365 days per year,
from shortly after your conception right up until you
meet your first girlfriend !
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