What do you consider to be your “place” in life? Has your “place” changed over the years?

Aneeda72

Aneeda72

Well-known Member
Child, teenager, adult, worker, retired person, wife, mother (in my case), caretaker, adoptive parent, grandmother, great grandmother and on and on. But these are the roles I’ve played throughout the years. We all have had many roles.

Some of us lived small lives, I did and still do. Some of us lived larger lives influenced people, society, and perhaps the world in our roles. Some of us wanted to be overlooked, and some of us wanted to be center stage. Therefore, our roles defined our place in life. Was our place to be a follower or a leader? Both? Neither?

Now in our declining years-What is our place in life? Or do we just play our set role out until the end?
 

I think we play different roles until the end. I'm still a retired person,wife, mother and now a grandmother. I was a caretaker for my Mom and my hubby is 7 years older than me so I might well become a caretaker again,but you never know.

I noticed my daughter is getting into a mothering mode these last couple of years. Watch where you step,don't hurt your knees, don't work to long outside,take a break, What are you doing on a ladder? My son put in railings in the garage which is usually the way I come and go. I really appreciate it but sometimes feel a bit smothered. Maybe another role will be added with me being the person being taken care of. I'm not looking forward to that role.
 
Ruth n Jersey,

I agree. My son is our “caretaker”. Always with the don’t do this, don’t do that and where are you phone calls. I told him I’m allowed to go out, lol.
 

I suppose I'm the cheese! :):playful::eek:nthego:

game.jpg






 
Aunt Bea said:
I suppose I'm the cheese! :):playful::eek:nthego:
Click to expand...

*** In fact, we did "The Farmer In The Dell" onstage, in French, representing my 6th Grade French class. I was The Cheese. When they started singing that line, "Le fromage reste seul," I clasped my hands together, bent my elbows, and flexed from side to side, totally unplanned. I brought down the house.

I've always been a leader, in my life, from early on. I can be a team player, but don't do well in that role. I was a room president, student protest organizer, NHS president, business owner, band leader, property owning landlord, etc. Transitioning to an older guy has gone OK, but I'm not thrilled with the process. I was a good dad, reasonably good husband/mate, very good teacher. I've enjoyed my life, but I face aging with some serious misgivings.
 
treeguy64 said:
*** In fact, we did "The Farmer In The Dell" onstage, in French, representing my 6th Grade French class. I was The Cheese. When they started singing that line, "Le fromage reste seul," I clasped my hands together, bent my elbows, and flexed from side to side, totally unplanned. I brought down the house.

I've always been a leader, in my life, from early on. I can be a team player, but don't do well in that role. I was a room president, student protest organizer, NHS president, business owner, band leader, property owning landlord, etc. Transitioning to an older guy has gone OK, but I'm not thrilled with the process. I was a good dad, reasonably good husband/mate, very good teacher. I've enjoyed my life, but I face aging with some serious misgivings.
Click to expand...

Shall we call you Roquefort, Camembert or something else?
 
What do you consider to be ‘your place’ in life ?
Has ‘your place’ changed over the years?
Was our place a follower or leader? Both? Or neither?
Now in declining life what is your place in life?
Or do we continue to play our role our until the end?


When I was a child I was continuously being told and shown where my place was by my parents who constantly used me as a pawn in their twisted relationship. As children , who weren’t planned or wanted , my parents made that perfectly clear. Children were meant to be seen but not heard. My parents would prefer if I wasn’t seen or heard but hey....... if there was an opportunity to use me to enhance their dysfunctional life it, was done with no remorse or shame. That part they just dumped on me.
Did I accept this as a way of life and consider it ‘my place?’


Hell NO!
I rebelled continuously.


As a teenager my role in the family changed for the worst. The abuse became more complex and clearly sadistic. Bones were being broken and my own mental health was in danger. I was caught in the middle of a sick, dysfunctional relationship with no safe place to go. I was being used as a convenient scapegoat. It was pure torture at times.


Did I accept this role in my life?


Hell NO!
I rebelled and left at 16, the earliest possible time I could legally do so. It was the most liberating thing I could do and I had to grow up fast in order to function successfully in life but I busted my butt to do so regardless of my mental handicaps and having to deal with Trimethylaminurea, which at the time I didn’t know I had and being shunned was exceptionally hurtful. Unfortunately life doesn’t care and you either accept it and move on or stay stagnant and rot.


Did I accept my role in society as a hideous misfit?


Hell NO! I ploughed through knowing I had a choice to either feel victimized or move forward. I chose to move forward. This wasn’t always easy. Being repeatedly kidnapped and gang raped left me mentally paralyzed and seriously dysfunctional for about a decade of my life. The aftermath of such trauma was almost impossible to deal with but life continues. Some family members THINK they knew what happened to me and had no problem throwing fuel to this burning hell life by casting blame my way and to this day still do.


Did I accept my lot in life as being totally broken and dysfunctional?
YES! I did. The hate I should have had for these people who hideously and viciously abused me, I turned towards myself.
At times I’d suffocate in the thickness of my own self hatred. It was impossible to function normally so I didn’t but DID and still DO get unfairly criticized for it.


Do I accept that all this has happened to me and understand that I’m still a worthy and deserving human being? Do I accept this role?
Sometimes but it’s always a continuous struggle. People can be deviously cruel beyond belief at times so I sometimes wear a suite of armour and keep myself physically strong and mentally quick. It’s a bit of overkill at times, I understand , but that part of me ,to keep fighting , I hope never leaves or I might as well just lay down and DIE.


Has ‘my place’ changed over the years?


I don’t believe I have a ‘place’
I’m equally deserving of love, acceptance and happiness just like every other human being.
I have a choice to either believe this or not.


Was our place a follower? A leader ? Both or neither?


The word OUR confused me. I can’t speak for anyone but myself and I was NEVER a follower and I thank the universe continuously for this.
I’m not a leader nor do I want to be, so the answer would be neither.


I created my own path and always will.


OR do we continue to play out OUR role our entire life?


Once again I can’t answer for anybody but myself.


If I were to accept my role as life’s misfit my entire life I’d be one extremely miserable, heart broken soul and I’m FAR from that.


I DID NOT ACCEPT ANY ROLE EXPECTED OF ME!


I completely despise people putting expectations on me and will REBEL
EVERY SINGLE TIME and I THANK my creator for giving me FREE WILL. The power to make the best choice for ME.


And if people don’t like that...........too friggin’ bad.


Yes I’m dramatic :eek:nthego: but in my opinion,
I have earned this right.
 
Definition of ‘know your place.’


‘Is to behave in a way that shows you know what your social position is and what people are more important than you.’


Seriously! The meaning is derogatory and demeaning.


It means keep your head down and don’t get too big for your britches.


Most uses of this phrase are demeaning.
A person of a higher rank will tell it to a person who is pushing the boundaries.
The commoner shouldn’t talk with the noble.
The mail-boy shouldn’t give advice to the executive
A child shouldn’t give life advice to an adult.


In a couple relationship if said by the man it’s meant as ‘ know you are beneath me and don’t annoy me.’


While I don’t faithfully practice any type of organized religion I do believe in a power greater than myself that is sometimes referred to as God. The serenity prayer comes to mind here written in 1934 by a theologian


God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage the change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.


The desire to be taller or be born from different parents isn’t possible to change so those should be accepted but the ability to improve our current circumstances is always possible.


‘Where there’s a Will, there’s a way’ dates back to the 1600’s and means that if someone is determined to do something they will succeed regardless of the obstacles that stand in the way. Believing you will succeed has to come first from within and if you have no belief then you have no commitment or courage.


There needs to be a strong desire to change circumstances as well as a strong belief in yourself in order to create change. If you have no belief in yourself , then you have zero power to change anything.


To believe you should know your place is disempowering. It’s the belief that you are beneath others and have no choice.


I know you despise my writing about ‘free will’ and the power of choice but I will write about it every time I see a thread about disempowerment. It’s paralyzing to the human psyche.
 
Aneeda72 said:
Child, teenager, adult, worker, retired person, wife, mother (in my case), caretaker, adoptive parent, grandmother, great grandmother and on and on. But these are the roles I’ve played throughout the years. We all have had many roles.

Some of us lived small lives, I did and still do. Some of us lived larger lives influenced people, society, and perhaps the world in our roles. Some of us wanted to be overlooked, and some of us wanted to be center stage. Therefore, our roles defined our place in life. Was our place to be a follower or a leader? Both? Neither?

Now in our declining years-What is our place in life? Or do we just play our set role out until the end?
Click to expand...

I never thought about my 'place' in life at all, I just live my life without designations or labels. Of course I was a baby, child, adult, worker, caretaker, retiree, etc. I just consider them life stages, not necessarily 'roles'. My life has been simple, I've been both follower and leader at times. I have to say I've been very content with my life, and consider myself very fortunate so far.
 
AZ Jim said:
i thought at one point that I knew my place in life, but after losing my wife of 48 years this Jan 30th I know longer do.
Click to expand...

I think I can understand how you feel Jim, but I have no real life experience of what you've gone through with your loss...hugs, my friend.
 
Aneeda72 said:
Child, teenager, adult, worker, retired person, wife, mother (in my case), caretaker, adoptive parent, grandmother, great grandmother and on and on. But these are the roles I’ve played throughout the years. We all have had many roles.

Some of us lived small lives, I did and still do. Some of us lived larger lives influenced people, society, and perhaps the world in our roles. Some of us wanted to be overlooked, and some of us wanted to be center stage. Therefore, our roles defined our place in life. Was our place to be a follower or a leader? Both? Neither?

Now in our declining years-What is our place in life? Or do we just play our set role out until the end?
Click to expand...

Don’t know
Don’t much care

Always pretty much wanted to be left alone, whatever ‘role’

I’ve never considered myself a leader, but I’ve been followed, put in that position

I’ve never been a disciple, but found interest in some folks

I never really wanted offspring, but I’ve got 18 grandkids



‘Small lives’?

No life is small
However, some viewing other’s lives are just plain nearsighted

All are grand
Those unnoticed are sometimes the grandest

Anyway

Take me or leave me

I prefer being left



My place in life...... in my declining years? pfffffft

Here

PS0CR6E.png


Now

Git
 
I think that my parents were of the "know your place" type. Respect your "Elders and betters", "seen but not heard" - that was my upbringing. My parents were the epitome of ordinary (even dull) and that didn't suit me at all. I didn't want to conform to their views of how people should be.
I didn't want the responsibility of leadership, but I wanted to be centre stage - a sort of leading man rather than the producer or director. Compared to my parents I've had a pretty interesting life. Nothing earth shattering, but with lots of fun times.

So what's my place? Husband, father ... All those, but really it's just to be ME!

To quote Tim Minchin's "Not perfect"..

This is my brain
And I live in it
It's made of love
It's tucked away behind my eyes
Where all my screwed up thoughts can hide
Cos god forbid I hurt somebody
And the weirdest thing about a mind
Is that every answer that you find
Is the basis of a brand new cliché
This is my brain
And it's fine
It's where I spend the vast majority of my time
It's not perfect
But it's mine
 
My "place in life" is anywhere I damn well want it to be! I was NEVER taught that I had a specific place in life. Had anyone tried to preach such nonsense at me, I would have not given him/her the time of day, from then on.
 
Several yeas ago, I had a chance to visit the UK. I enjoyed it. But I did feel that everyone had sense of "place". One was more or less in a level of the social structure. There wsn't much one could do to change that level, and all accepted that. Of course that's my opinion. A dollar and my opinion gives you 100 cents. Being a "Merikan", that didn't feel right. Not that social hierarchies don't exist in the US, but we all think were middle class.
But, again in my opinion, Aneeda means our roles in life. About 18 years ago, I was the Charge Nurse at a large psych. hospital. Spinal problems made it impossible for me to walk much. I had to take a disability retirement. So, in one day, my whole life changed. I went from being employed, and the "responsible one" to being a "patient". During this time I broke up with my ex. Then I got sick and spent 5 months in and out of hospitals, care centers, etc. In each one of these changes, I developed a persona- an unemployed one, a "sick" one, a "ex" one. It's kind of like wearing clothes to fit a situation. A warm coat when its cold. I think we're great at doing that. With a quick 'change of clothes', we can meet any situation. Since we are aging, the problems we face is also changing, so I guess there are more 'clothes' for us to wear.
BTW, I feel the same as I did when I was 11, 18, and yesterday, so I don't feel that I'm in my declining years. I'm just a big kid.
 
We seldom choose our place in life, but it is determined by circumstances, and we try to make the most of that circumstance. Being way over 40, my place is to hang on as long as I can and enjoy it as much as I can.
 
Fuzzybuddy, I think to a degree you're right about the British attitude to social class and the acceptance of it. However, I think there is a much greater social mobility these days and greater opportunity for those to choose to take it. There will always be those who are happy with their lot - a "proud working class", and those who are determined to climb the social ladder.
 
My "place" in life above all else has been "rebel" against the restrictions placed on girls - not because of real inability, but simply because of her gender. People were always telling me I couldn't do something because I was a "girl". My usual reply was, "Too late, I've already done it."
In any role I assumed - wife, mother divorcee, nurse, retiree, adrenaline junkie, I rebelled against fitting into a stereotyped role that just did not fit me - levied just because I was female.
 
A "place in life" sounds Victorian to me. In a free society, at least in principle, one is able to move to whatever place one desires if one wants it enough and is willing to change your life for it. If you mean one's role in life, that's somewhat different, but it's also mainly through what one chooses the same as in a place in life. Free to be whatever one wants if one wants it enough is my answer, and even if you don't each that goal, it's in the trying that makes you who you are and you don't define yourself by a place or role.
 
Place? What exactly is place anyway.
For me I've never felt like I was in a location I belonged to. Social strata? I (we) we're not high but then we were not bottom either. The question makes me wish I appreciated the term enough to answer.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top