Meanwhile, at The Taproom

I remember that bit well from Cheers and was happy for the recounting. The addition of RR's commentary really put it over the top! Well done, Gary!
 

A bit of a quick, lazy one

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Ho Lee Crap!
Don't make me google her (I have no idea who she was)
Old time actress committed suicide by taking pills, but first got all dressed up and arranged herself as beautifully a she could on her bed, wanting to be remembered for her tragic beauty

When the pills started doing their work, she had to vomit, ran to the bathroom and died with her head in the toilet.
 
Since we're already digressing and in non-forum life I'm known as the queen of digression (Ok, maybe in forum life, too - but that in itself is a digression):

My mother never wanted to put people out of their way. A kinder, more considerate lady would have been difficult to find. She also was rather embarrassed by the less appealing, animal side of human existence.

So now that the stage is set, here's how a conversation went down with her about 25 years ago:

Mom: If I were going to commit suicide I'd empty the food from the chest freezer, climb inside, and close the door.
Me: Why the freezer over pills?
Mom: Because if I froze to death nobody would have to clean up after me. Nothing would escape my bladder or bowels. I'd die peacefully - just go to sleep as I got colder and eventually die.
Me: First of all, unless you had the door propped open you wouldn't freeze to death, you'd suffocate first - a death that leaves the victim with a very unattractive facial expression, by the way.
Secondly, you don't think all that stuff would freeze inside you before you became unconscious, do you? What's there would come sliding out, even if your body is 85 degrees instead of 98.
Third, can you imagine how difficult it would be on the cops and firemen to have to pry you out of a freezer? They'd surely have to thaw you out some first, no doubt because those body fluids would adhere you to the bottom of the freezer like an unwrapped steak.

She was extremely disheartened to consider these new wrinkles to what was obviously her go-to plan for exiting this world if it ever came to that.

p.s. She died in 2014 after a massive stroke.
 
Well I tripped over my dog once and ended up on crutches for six months and then in one of those walking boot things. But I wasn't eating frosting.

The dog was fine; me, not so much.
Y'know, my mother had that happen, too
She was semi-retired
Bought an old motel on the beach to keep stacking up money while she lived there
One winter her pipes froze
Grabbed a wrench to turn the valve off in the crawl space
Her German shepherd tripped her with his tether, while she was going down the back door stairs
Broke her collar bone
She still managed to find a way to crawl into the crawl space and get the valve turned off
Tough ol' bird
She was in her seventies

Just as mean
 


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