Men will not accept that they are getting older-and by getting older I mean their physical strength is declining. The reason I know this, is that I'm a guy. Sassycakes, I don't think you have any idea what it means to a man to be able to do things. It means independence. It means you still have the ability to care for yourself. You can make your way in the world. You can stand on your own two feet-you matter. You, as a woman. were never supposed to grow up to be a strong man. I was. Men are supposed to go out and do work. When you don't have that, what is your purpose in life?
I learned a lot from reading this post, so I thank you for that input and for this reminder of that perspective.
I will add to it, that some of us women, were left to fend for ourselves, and valued above all else, being physically strong enough to do everything needed, for ourselves and in order to care for others, as well as our self-value on our independence and what we were able to accomplish. To some of us females, it is just as much a crushing blow, then, to become disabled and aging.
I just worry about his health. He has health issues and I want him around for a long long time. In my eyes I still see the young man I married and I don't want to live without him.
I was going to say today, that I totally understand what you are saying.
My above post written yesterday, about women prioritizing more than men,
was mostly meant to be humorous,
but very seriously, some people do not realize when they are endangering themselves and others, by refusing to accept or to notice, that they could, and would, be safer and likely to live longer and more comfortably, more able to do things and more able to help their loved ones too,
IF they would adjust how they do things, often in simple ways.
It is difficult to watch, if we love the person, and want to prevent, IF POSSIBE, them from possible avoidable injuries, that cause extra suffering. (To both them, and to others, and to us)
Sometimes it is worth trying to explain to them that they are very loved and valuable to us, even when they do less, or that they actually are not safe to do something the same way they did it 20 yrs ago,
but sometimes, the explaining doesn't work, they just do not see it, so we can't change that.
I never valued myself by how much I could do physically. I looked forward to retirement and was quite happy when the day finally arrived when I could kick back and read a book without feeling guilty. But I have seen too many marriages suffer when the husband retired and didn't know what to do with himself to deny that for most men to be able to keep "doing" is very important for their self-esteem.
