HELP!!! I so love my hubby but smh on this one...

L

Ladybj

Live, Laugh and Love
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Somewhere in the USA
Hubby is thinking of changing the blinds in the kitchen - there are 3 individual blinds in great condition. He already have one project he will be starting soon which will cost a pretty penny.

Hubby: I am thinking of changing the blinds, do you want the same color?

Me: Why do you want to change them, they are fine.

Hubby: Because I want to. They are a choking hazard..

Me: A choking hazard to who? We do not have small kids even if we did there is no way they can choke on the blinds. You just want to throw away money.

Let's just say, the night did not end pretty well.. Someone ended up in the spare bedroom and it wasn't me....LOL

That last comment about him throwing money away really hit a nerve because he know there is some truth about his spending. Its like money burns a hole in his pocket. I have a problem when it comes to his spending... long story. We are doing fine financially but I do have a bit of PTSD when it comes to our finances due to pass issues. I love him dearly, please keep us in your prayers 🙏
 

I SO know what you are going through Ladybj, except my money was kept separate from my (second) husband who 1. would probably burn through a 2 million dollar lottery winning (if we played) in two weeks and 2. who I used to say went to the Psycho School Of Money Management. Much of his money was wasted on the multitude of parking tickets he racked up over the years, lending money he really couldn't afford to people who never paid him back and getting involved in insurmountable business ventures that wound up costing him money. I will so pray for you. :)
 
Sounds like he's trying to downplay the cost of his other project by buying you new blinds. It's an old trick. My husband was like him. Did you tell him to get going with his project first instead of worrying about blinds?
 

Ladybj First I have to ask you a question. Is it possible your husband is related to my husband ? Just today he said he wanted to replace the blinds we have in our living room. We only bought them about a year ago. At first I thought he was joking , but he wasn't. Later he came in with his lap top to show me cars he was looking at. He said he thought it would be a good time to buy one. Mind you we just bought the house we are living in only 2 yrs ago. I told him if he wants to get another car then he has to start paying the bills and see how much money we can spare. In the over 50 yrs we have been married he has never paid a bill. I think it's time He started to learn how much you can spend.
 
OneEyedDiva said:
I SO know what you are going through Ladybj, except my money was kept separate from my (second) husband who 1. would probably burn through a 2 million dollar lottery winning (if we played) in two weeks and 2. who I used to say went to the Psycho School Of Money Management. Much of his money was wasted on the multitude of parking tickets he racked up over the years, lending money he really couldn't afford to people who never paid him back and getting involved in insurmountable business ventures that wound up costing him money. I will so pray for you. :)
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So glad to connect with someone that can understand. We have separate bank accounts.. I would not have it any other way. He transfer money in my account each payday and I make sure bills are paid. We have separate cell phone bills, car insurance, which he pays his own. He does ok for the most part. I pray he understands how far we have come financially and I don't plan on going backwards at this point in my life.
 
Judycat said:
Sounds like he's trying to downplay the cost of his other project by buying you new blinds. It's an old trick. My husband was like him. Did you tell him to get going with his project first instead of worrying about blinds?
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The blinds are for him.. not for me. I will mention to him get the first project completed before buying the blinds. I will try to talk him out of it because the blinds are in great condition. I can see if they needed to be changed.. they don't.
 
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Sassycakes said:
Ladybj First I have to ask you a question. Is it possible your husband is related to my husband ? Just today he said he wanted to replace the blinds we have in our living room. We only bought them about a year ago. At first I thought he was joking , but he wasn't. Later he came in with his lap top to show me cars he was looking at. He said he thought it would be a good time to buy one. Mind you we just bought the house we are living in only 2 yrs ago. I told him if he wants to get another car then he has to start paying the bills and see how much money we can spare. In the over 50 yrs we have been married he has never paid a bill. I think it's time He started to learn how much you can spend.
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@Sassycakes they are DEFINITELY related. OMG. Hubby is talking about buying a truck once my vehicle is paid off. Like you, we just purchased our house..almost a year. He's living like we are still in our 30's.. I am 60 and he just turned 58. You definitely have to inform him of the bills. I sat down one day and listed the bills so hubby can see them.. Once my vehicle is paid off, we will revisit him purchasing his truck. I know one thing, my name WILL NOT go on the dotted line.
 
I would never stay with anyone who spends a great deal of money, foolishly. Janet buys lots of goofy stuff, but, because she's an expert at gaming the many coupon and free offer deals out there, she spends pennies.

Both of my ex-wives were ok with money. Separate bank accounts were always the way to go, and we never had a single issue with spending.

I don't understand how anyone stays with a foolish over-spender. I'd kick such a person to the curb, post haste!
 
Once again, I am sooooo glad I got divorced and never remarried. MY MONEY is mine to do with as I please, my mistakes are mine to make, I don't have to worry about anyone else.

Even if your money is separate, if he/she loses every penny they own, you still have to figure out what to do. If you still love them, do you let them live off you and give them the subtle message that if they mess up again you will again be their safety net? Financially irresponsible people never learn, they're like a snowball that never stops rolling.
 
@Ladybj, Your post of Jan. 15, 2020 (General Discussions, "Am I Wrong") mentions that you and your husband have an unfortunate financial history with a total of five bankruptcies between you. The need to spend needlessly is apparently nothing new. Why are you surprised?
 
LadyBj, you have my sympathy.

I am so fortunate as my wife is very good with money. I don't try to supervise her spending, and she doesn't try to supervise mine. We do consult before making large purchases, but Lord Knows, I don't want to get drawn into the spending she does to sustain the household. I would not necessarily make the identical purchases that she makes, but I cannot find fault with her decision making. We have three checking accounts that are in both our names. She uses one, I use one (from which I pay most of the bills), and we have a smaller one that is a bit of a catch all. We move money between them as we need to cover anything major.

I have certainly seen couples where the husband or wife were careless with money and it was always a major stressor and often lead to divorce. In the last couple of years one husband went on major spending sprees when he learned that he was terminal. One of them went out and purchased everything that he had ever thought he wanted to own: two Rolex watches, lots of expensive underwater camera equipment (when he was no longer strong enough to get in the water), a new Lexus and a pre-paid South Asia vacations that he could not go on. He left his wife in a very bad situation. In the other case a 75 year old woman decide that she needed two new expensive riding horses and a new fancy barn. This was after they had lost the bulk of their retirement funds with risky investments. Her 72 year old husband divorced her and she lost the horse she already had along with her husband.

It is painful to see this things, especially among people our age.
 
During our years of marriage we managed to stay out of debt but the hubby was a sucker for new products that came on the market. He tried a paint thrower that also painted our living room furniture,spray on gook that was suppose to tint the windows in the car. Guess who spent hours trying to remove the areas that hadn't shelled off in a month.
Then there was the car dealership he went in on that claimed no middle man and the property he bought in a magazine add.
A lot of money that we could have saved.
As far as your post,I only wish my hubby would suggest a project or replace items we have.
The way it is now he would replace our shower mat with a piece of burlap he found in the shed.
I feel for you,just in a different way.
 
"Don't give a hoot about a greenback dollar. . . .spend it fast as I can!"
My late husband was SO DAMN WONDERFUL! But , No head for finances! He would buy something for $20.00 and resell it for $10. My take? Let em do their stupid little things! In the end, it doesn't matter! One day you'll reach for him and he won't be there!
A hundred years from now it won't mean a diddely damn!
 
Gaer said:
"Don't give a hoot about a greenback dollar. . . .spend it fast as I can!"
My late husband was SO DAMN WONDERFUL! But , No head for finances! He would buy something for $20.00 and resell it for $10. My take? Let em do their stupid little things! In the end, it doesn't matter! One day you'll reach for him and he won't be there!
A hundred years from now it won't mean a diddely damn!
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Not only wonderful, but FAIR! After all, when he resold it, it was used. The guy was a winner, for sure!
 
We never did plan the way money would flow into and out of our household and when I look at it today I have to laugh:

My wife's checking account is funded from my social security, her stock dividends, her small federal retirement, small monthly withdrawals from her IRA, and a small monthly withdrawal from my IRA. From this, she pays for groceries, pet expenses including my cat, her clothing and gas, her favorite charities, cleaning supplies, personal items, help around the house when she needs it, and a bunch of other things that I don't even remember.

My checking account is funded by my Navy retirement, my RMD from my IRA, and her small retirement from AT&T. From this I pay the mortgage, energy bills, all the utilities, vacations, entertainment and dining out expenses, phone and internet expenses, TV cable, everything related to coffee and wine, some groceries, all car repairs, home repairs, my clothes, my favorite charities and her car payment. I still manage to sock away about $1200 into CD's every month.

Our smaller checking account is funded by her social security, and one of her other small retirements. From this we pay our car insurance, dental and medical expenses, gifts and yard service.

This looks rather twisted up, and it is, but I am not messing with a "non-system" that works. She is happy and I am happy.

Please note that I am not recommending this approach, it has to just "happen" all on its own and it does require a lot of trust and confidence.
 
When I was a kid, I knew a man who amongst other things sold blinds. He told me that rich folks buy cheap blinds and when they get dirty, they throw them out and get new ones.
 
I would be glad to pray as you asked, but what is "smh"? Sorry for my ignorance. I try to figure these things out, but sometimes I can't - I virtually do no texting and don't have a smart phone.
 
treeguy64 said:
I would never stay with anyone who spends a great deal of money, foolishly. Janet buys lots of goofy stuff, but, because she's an expert at gaming the many coupon and free offer deals out there, she spends pennies.

Both of my ex-wives were ok with money. Separate bank accounts were always the way to go, and we never had a single issue with spending.

I don't understand how anyone stays with a foolish over-spender. I'd kick such a person to the curb, post haste!
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@treeguy64 I married for better or worst. I take my vows seriously and he is a great dad and overall a pretty good guy. We all have our in perfections in one form or the other. He has several investment accounts and he keeps me abreast of his financial accounts..so all is not bleak... I give him a K for Keeping me informed. No matter how much he may not want to but before he starts a project, make a big purchase.. he runs it by me first.
 
Manatee said:
When I was a kid, I knew a man who amongst other things sold blinds. He told me that rich folks buy cheap blinds and when they get dirty, they throw them out and get new ones.
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Maybe my hubby thinks he fall in that category... 🤣 However, my blinds are not dirty.
 

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