Relationship issues

F

flphotog

New Member
Location
Clearwater,FL
I don't really expect any magic answers here just need somewhere to talk about it. A little about me, I am a 72 year old male and my wife passed away almost 9 years ago. I've had a couple relationships since then, the last lasted about 7 years and for the most part ended a couple of days ago.

I'll admit that I messed up. I not really an outgoing person and have never really been around kids very much as I never had any. That being said, this lady has a granddaughter that quite frankly is a piece of work and I'm afraid I let my feeling show about her a bit to much.

I guess the other really big issue is that I've never been religious and while this lady was not attending church when we met it turns out that she is religious and at one point started wanting me to attend church with her. I won't go into a lot of details at the moment but I just wasn't able to do that so that seems to have been a problem as well.

OK, open for advice. I'm not sure there is really much I can do to bring us back together, but I'm open to advice whether I like it or not it will be appreciated, and thanks for letting me rant a bit.
 

flphotog said:
I don't really expect any magic answers here just need somewhere to talk about it. A little about me, I am a 72 year old male and my wife passed away almost 9 years ago. I've had a couple relationships since then, the last lasted about 7 years and for the most part ended a couple of days ago.

I'll admit that I messed up. I not really an outgoing person and have never really been around kids very much as I never had any. That being said, this lady has a granddaughter that quite frankly is a piece of work and I'm afraid I let my feeling show about her a bit to much.

I guess the other really big issue is that I've never been religious and while this lady was not attending church when we met it turns out that she is religious and at one point started wanting me to attend church with her. I won't go into a lot of details at the moment but I just wasn't able to do that so that seems to have been a problem as well.

OK, open for advice. I'm not sure there is really much I can do to bring us back together, but I'm open to advice whether I like it or not it will be appreciated, and thanks for letting me rant a bit.
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If you are not into the Church..then don't go there..
 
Actually I didn't realize that was a big issue for her until a couple days ago when she threw it out into the open when she was breaking it off because of my feelings about her granddaughter.

Let me add one thing to the mix, she says she does still love me as a friend and wants to retain that between us. I don't have a problem with that I think that at our age that would be more doable then if we were younger. My only problem is that if I try and hold on to that and she is just using it to lighten the blow for me (I don't really believe she would do that) but I'm the type that tends to over analyze everything.
 

It can be REALLY HARD to be with someone who doesn't share the same feelings about certain things. I wasn't going to church at the time I met my wife, but, thankfully, she helped me to return. She even bought me a Men's Bible that I really like.

As far as the granddaughter goes, if you haven't been around kids much or had any, that could definitely be a problem. If you are talking to the lady about her granddaughter, it sounds like she is saying "none of your business" and really put a "kink" in the relationship.

You didn't mention if you and this lady were having sex. Sex can either help a relationship or hinder it, when other problems occur, that is.

You've been with this lady for 7 years..........when did these problems start cropping up? Hope others in this forum have good advice for you.



flphotog said:
I don't really expect any magic answers here just need somewhere to talk about it. A little about me, I am a 72 year old male and my wife passed away almost 9 years ago. I've had a couple relationships since then, the last lasted about 7 years and for the most part ended a couple of days ago.

I'll admit that I messed up. I not really an outgoing person and have never really been around kids very much as I never had any. That being said, this lady has a granddaughter that quite frankly is a piece of work and I'm afraid I let my feeling show about her a bit to much.

I guess the other really big issue is that I've never been religious and while this lady was not attending church when we met it turns out that she is religious and at one point started wanting me to attend church with her. I won't go into a lot of details at the moment but I just wasn't able to do that so that seems to have been a problem as well.

OK, open for advice. I'm not sure there is really much I can do to bring us back together, but I'm open to advice whether I like it or not it will be appreciated, and thanks for letting me rant a bit.
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My condolences for the loss of your wife Flphotog. :rose: I would find it very hard to be with a man who was very religious, although I was raised a Catholic, I haven't been involved with the religion or church in my adult life. Even if he were accepting of my stance on religion, I think it would eventually cause some upset in the relationship if he was in church on Sundays and going to related events, and I did not share in that interest.

If the granddaughter is a piece of work, then your partner should acknowledge that also, and you should be able to voice your opinions on the matter, especially if she's around a lot and affective both of you.

It may be better to just be friends, life is too short not to be happy and content in your later years. I personally would just be friends, and look to pursue a romantic relationship elsewhere. That may sound easier than it really is for many reasons. I assume both of you have been living together? Is one of you having to move out? BTW, how old is the granddaughter?
 
Nice reply!! :iagree:

SeaBreeze said:
My condolences for the loss of your wife Flphotog. :rose: I would find it very hard to be with a man who was very religious, although I was raised a Catholic, I haven't been involved with the religion or church in my adult life. Even if he were accepting of my stance on religion, I think it would eventually cause some upset in the relationship if he was in church on Sundays and going to related events, and I did not share in that interest.

If the granddaughter is a piece of work, then your partner should acknowledge that also, and you should be able to voice your opinions on the matter, especially if she's around a lot and affective both of you.

It may be better to just be friends, life is too short not to be happy and content in your later years. I personally would just be friends, and look to pursue a romantic relationship elsewhere. That may sound easier than it really is for many reasons. I assume both of you have been living together? Is one of you having to move out? BTW, how old is the granddaughter?
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All good replies and much appreciated. No we don't live together but very close.
I'll add that we just had lunch and talked. At the moment it looks like friends will work for now so we'll see how that goes.

Oh yes she has a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel who is my best buddy and I'll still get to see him so that's good :). I've got him this afternoon so it will be a good day.
 
Well, imo, religion is a personal matter and one should not inflict their religion on anyone, be it friend or spouse, as for the piece of work granddaughter I think you have to tiptoe around bad behaving close relatives of spouses or friends.......it is kind of the 'its ok for me to talk about my relatives but no one else' thing .......good luck with the situation.
 
Yea, but I like it when my wife asks me to say the prayer before we eat!

Jackie22 said:
Well, imo, religion is a personal matter and one should not inflict their religion on anyone, be it friend or spouse, as for the piece of work granddaughter I think you have to tiptoe around bad behaving close relatives of spouses or friends.......it is kind of the 'its ok for me to talk about my relatives but no one else' thing .......good luck with the situation.
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Jackie22 said:
Well, imo, religion is a personal matter and one should not inflict their religion on anyone, be it friend or spouse, as for the piece of work granddaughter I think you have to tiptoe around bad behaving close relatives of spouses or friends.......it is kind of the 'its ok for me to talk about my relatives but no one else' thing .......good luck with the situation.
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Hi Jackie22, I agree about the tiptoe thing. It's just that I seem to have a problem doing that. I've never been around kids very much and while I'm ok with them when they are well behaved, this one is always so close the a tantrum everybody seems to walk on tiptoes watching what they say while I tend to say what's on my mind. Not very diplomatic I know. I know that I should, just not sure I can change at this point in my life.
 
Yes King Charles spaniels are very sweet..personally I prefer dogs with a bit of character..

My sister paid £600 for a puppy..it was so needy she had to sit on the loo with it on her lap..otherwise it would have an epileptic fit outside the toilet door..
 
flphotog, just out of curiosity, I Googled the ratio of men to women in your area: The male population is 83,504, and the female population is 90,184. It wasn't broken down by age, but I'd guess that there are far more single/widowed/divorced older women than there are single/widowed/divorced men of similar age. Surely there are women out there you need to meet and who need to meet you, too! You know, women of like mind who either have no religious affiliation or have no problem with your having none. There might even be women who have well-behaved grandchildren! Better yet, women who have no grandchildren;)

I agree with Jackie22. People will bad-mouth their family members, but it's not a good idea for anybody else to do it. When it comes to someone else's family members, it's best to bite your tongue. In other words, if you can't say something nice, say nothing at all. One does need filters...KWIM?

And finally, you've been a couple for seven years and NOW she has a problem with your spiritual side (or lack thereof)? Seven years is a long time to let something slide that she claims is important to her. Sounds to me like she was looking for an excuse to move on and used that.
 
GeorgiaXplant said:
flphotog, just out of curiosity, I Googled the ratio of men to women in your area: The male population is 83,504, and the female population is 90,184. It wasn't broken down by age, but I'd guess that there are far more single/widowed/divorced older women than there are single/widowed/divorced men of similar age. Surely there are women out there you need to meet and who need to meet you, too! You know, women of like mind who either have no religious affiliation or have no problem with your having none. There might even be women who have well-behaved grandchildren! Better yet, women who have no grandchildren;)

I agree with Jackie22. People will bad-mouth their family members, but it's not a good idea for anybody else to do it. When it comes to someone else's family members, it's best to bite your tongue. In other words, if you can't say something nice, say nothing at all. One does need filters...KWIM?

And finally, you've been a couple for seven years and NOW she has a problem with your spiritual side (or lack thereof)? Seven years is a long time to let something slide that she claims is important to her. Sounds to me like she was looking for an excuse to move on and used that.
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Thanks for the input and I more or less agree with it all. That being said I'm really not looking to find someone else at the moment no matter what happens to this relationship. But I do understand what you are saying.
I've had a couple of days now to think about this and will just wait to see what happens.
 
Not looking is when someone, or several someones, pop up out of nowhere!

Apropos just waiting to see what happens: the devil you know is better than the devil you don't? LOL

I don't blame you one bit...getting out of/away from a long-time relationship doesn't really encourage one to start another one. But don't fall into complacency and start believing that a mostly non-relationship is better than none. Being alone is brutal. Being alone with the wrong person is worse.
 
By this point in your life there is no need to modify your behavior to suit the needs of others. If you can't just be friends then get your own dog and visit the local senior center where you can find a more suitable partner...
 
Tis better to find out now than be married to her and then it all breaks down.. Just go along with her and be friends.. get yourself a doggie as Ralphy says and enjoy others companionship.. and really is you found her grand daughter a little out of hand surely she must know that as well.. unless she is agreeable with her behaviour.. just take a day at a time.. enjoy the day what ever it brings.. :)
 

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