Ronni
Well-known Member
- Location
- Nashville TN
My anxiety is ramping up. I had to take a pill yesterday because I was heading towards a panic attack. I've been experiencing a low level hum of anxiety and fear for the past week, as the Virus news has gotten worse and worse.
I'm not afraid for me. I'm not worried or anxious for myself, beyond marginal concerns about my health. My anxiety and fear is centered around my children, and Ron, and to a lesser degree my grandkids. Three of my kids are relatively unaffected financially, they're just continuing their work at home.
My first responder son is out there, heading to all those emergency calls, up close and personal with patients who are presenting with symptoms worrisome enough that they're calling 911, and then he's going home to his wife and 4 kids. He has a very strict protocol in place before he enters his home where they're isolated so that he doesn't bring the virus home to them. Even as I type this I can feel my heart rate rising, and that feeling in the pit of my stomach that I'm very familiar with.
Three of my kids are home, working from home so they're not financially impacted by this, staying as isolated as they can. One is staying with his brother and both isolating while they work. One of my boys is still working. He's the recovered addict, still trying to get his life together, living paycheck to paycheck, just waiting for his work to tell him they're closing down. He's very matter of factly told me he may choose to live out of his car for a while once he can't pay rent, not as any pity-party type thing, but just because his vehicle is the one resource he DOES have that he can utilize in this crisis.
I finally convinced Ron to not go work. He has somewhat compromised lung function due to working on the railroad for years before it was regulated. He is not only high risk because of his age, he's at the top end of that category because of his cloudy lungs.
I have been feeling that low level hum of anxiety and fear for the past week now. I'm crying at the drop of a hat. I am distracted and having trouble focusing because of the anxiety. I am fearful and anxious, but not for myself. It's for everyone else. For Ron because of his health issues, and Grayson because of the threat of job loss and no home. And for the rest of my kids because EVERYONE is at some degree of risk no matter how carefully they isolate.
I have some very specific anxiety reactions that ramp up into panic attacks if I can't control them. It started happening to me when Grayson was in the darkest of times with his drug use and i ended up getting medicated for it just so I could continue to function. I haven't been on that medication for some time, but I'm pulling the pill box out now. My difficulty getting a full breath, the increased heart rate, no appetite, stomach churning....it's not the virus, it's anxiety bordering on panic. I am way too familiar with these 'symptoms' and I am not happy they're back.
I need for all this to just go away....my anxiety, the gut churning worry, the constant battling to stave off a panic attack. But it won't, as long as the virus remains a threat. I have to figure out a way to get better control of this. It's affecting my quality of life and my relationship with Ron because I am so distracted I am not at all present in our relationship.
Thanks for letting me spew.
I'm not afraid for me. I'm not worried or anxious for myself, beyond marginal concerns about my health. My anxiety and fear is centered around my children, and Ron, and to a lesser degree my grandkids. Three of my kids are relatively unaffected financially, they're just continuing their work at home.
My first responder son is out there, heading to all those emergency calls, up close and personal with patients who are presenting with symptoms worrisome enough that they're calling 911, and then he's going home to his wife and 4 kids. He has a very strict protocol in place before he enters his home where they're isolated so that he doesn't bring the virus home to them. Even as I type this I can feel my heart rate rising, and that feeling in the pit of my stomach that I'm very familiar with.
Three of my kids are home, working from home so they're not financially impacted by this, staying as isolated as they can. One is staying with his brother and both isolating while they work. One of my boys is still working. He's the recovered addict, still trying to get his life together, living paycheck to paycheck, just waiting for his work to tell him they're closing down. He's very matter of factly told me he may choose to live out of his car for a while once he can't pay rent, not as any pity-party type thing, but just because his vehicle is the one resource he DOES have that he can utilize in this crisis.
I finally convinced Ron to not go work. He has somewhat compromised lung function due to working on the railroad for years before it was regulated. He is not only high risk because of his age, he's at the top end of that category because of his cloudy lungs.
I have been feeling that low level hum of anxiety and fear for the past week now. I'm crying at the drop of a hat. I am distracted and having trouble focusing because of the anxiety. I am fearful and anxious, but not for myself. It's for everyone else. For Ron because of his health issues, and Grayson because of the threat of job loss and no home. And for the rest of my kids because EVERYONE is at some degree of risk no matter how carefully they isolate.
I have some very specific anxiety reactions that ramp up into panic attacks if I can't control them. It started happening to me when Grayson was in the darkest of times with his drug use and i ended up getting medicated for it just so I could continue to function. I haven't been on that medication for some time, but I'm pulling the pill box out now. My difficulty getting a full breath, the increased heart rate, no appetite, stomach churning....it's not the virus, it's anxiety bordering on panic. I am way too familiar with these 'symptoms' and I am not happy they're back.
I need for all this to just go away....my anxiety, the gut churning worry, the constant battling to stave off a panic attack. But it won't, as long as the virus remains a threat. I have to figure out a way to get better control of this. It's affecting my quality of life and my relationship with Ron because I am so distracted I am not at all present in our relationship.
Thanks for letting me spew.
