I Think My Husband Has ADD

L

LindaB

Member
This is a serious post. My husband is unable to sit quietly to read or play a game or just "be." He gets up at all hours after midnight and rattles around the house, then lies on the couch to catch an hour or two of sleep and he's up again.
I get up at 7. I like to have a peaceful cup of coffee and relax for a couple of hours. By 10 AM this morning my husband had:
Vacuumed the house
Cleaned the spa and added chemicals
Gone to Lowe's and come home
Gone to Lowe's again
Stopped at Food Lion
Gone to Harris Teeter
When I realized that he had gone to two grocery stores I was a little peeved that he neglected to ask if we needed anything (we did, which he didn't get).
This is an ongoing thing with him any time he isn't working. I don't know what's going to happen when he retires. This behavior makes me very nervous to the point that I can't relax. I feel like I should be doing something every minute as well.
I do all the cooking, laundry, dusting and all other cleaning. He does the floors. But I don't want to be doing it every minute. I'm at my wit's end!
 

JaniceM said:
Is this something new, or a long-term thing?
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It's always been this way. Thirty six years and counting. Because of his nocturnal habits he goes to bed with the chickens, too.
 

Have you talked to him about his behavior during those years? If this has been going on this long, and it upsets you, you are much more patient that I would be.

IOW, is marriage really suppose to be like this? I seriously don't think so, but, apparently it's ok with you. Or, at least it has been.

Good Luck!
 
Sounds more like OCD than ADD.
36 years???? I assume he has good qualities that make him worth it. :) :)
When he retires, he may be too tired to continue that way from all that activity.
Maybe switch him to decaf?
 
I guess he likes to keep busy..... understatement, I know.

After all these years it seems doubtful he will change. Better start planning hobbies/activities for his retirement. Maybe cooking classes or another type of adult education?
 
RadishRose said:
I guess he likes to keep busy..... understatement, I know.

After all these years it seems doubtful he will change. Better start planning hobbies/activities for his retirement. Maybe cooking classes or another type of adult education?
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My solution has been to plan things for ME. I teach line dance classes, go to book clubs, lunches with friends or some interesting lectures. However, since Covid, all of these things are canceled so it is really wearing on me. He has very few interests of his own but will tag along to functions that I plan. He doesn't like to read, hates to play games because if he doesn't win he gets angry, can't golf anymore because of a bad back. I have suggested hobbies but so far no luck. He has no interest in learning to cook, I guess as long as I'm around anyway.
 
win231 said:
Sounds more like OCD than ADD.
36 years???? I assume he has good qualities that make him worth it. :) :)
When he retires, he may be too tired to continue that way from all that activity.
Maybe switch him to decaf?
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He's a really great guy, would do anything for anyone but there is no changing him. When I was working it was easier. I try to do lots of activities for myself which have stopped since Covid so maybe I am more sensi6to the issue now.
 
ClassicRockr said:
Have you talked to him about his behavior during those years? If this has been going on this long, and it upsets you, you are much more patient that I would be.

IOW, is marriage really suppose to be like this? I seriously don't think so, but, apparently it's ok with you. Or, at least it has been.

Good Luck!
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I have talked about this to him ad nauseam. It just doesn't matter, I guess. He says it's just the way he likes to do things.
 
Make your coffee & take it back to the bedroom to read with the door closed. Do your best to ignore all his busy work until you’re ready to start the day.
 
Some people are work-aholics and can't sit still. Does he take any medications that could cause this? Could he be ill? How is his blood sugar? When my blood sugar is too low I can be quite hyper, can't sleep or do much of anything to concentrate. Some people do change as they age. My husband has changed, in some ways quite a bit. Our minds and bodies are no longer the same as they were. There are all kinds of things it could be. I'd say watch and wait and see if you can detect anything unusual.
 
Linda does he have any kind of anxiety? My dad always had to be doing something too until he got emphysema and COPD. He would spend money him and mom didn't have just so he could keep busy.
 
This is an ongoing thing with him any time he isn't working. I don't know what's going to happen when he retires.
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Probably the same to fill time. Doesn't seem to me to be a problem since none of what he does is anti social or harmful in some way. You are doing what works for you just realize that this works for him. Some like myself can sit and watch grass grow others have a need to be doing something even if it is doing nothing constructive.
 
Maybe he's on a different forum voicing concerns about retiring with a slow-starting wife who lounges in bed until 7 and when she finally gets up she needs a couple of hours to have her coffee and get moving on her day. 😏

If the rhythm of your life doesn't bother him, why are you letting the rhythm of his bother you?

p.s. Lemons - lemonade: Why not leave him a honey-do list, including groceries that need to be purchased? Or, if you want to go there yourself, tell him to please not hit the grocery store if he's going to run errands because it's something you want to do yourself.

p.p.s. If he's got time left over after his chores you might want to teach him how to dust.
 
I worked 31 years on third shift, so I do the same in so far as waking up at 3-4 a.m. and starting my day, but I do not run errands and do not do the other stuff that he does. After 31 years of being up all night, it's just the way it is. The doctor won't give me anything for sleep. He keeps telling me I will make the change some day. Yeah, whatever.
 
911 said:
I worked 31 years on third shift, so I do the same in so far as waking up at 3-4 a.m. and starting my day, but I do not run errands and do not do the other stuff that he does. After 31 years of being up all night, it's just the way it is. The doctor won't give me anything for sleep. He keeps telling me I will make the change some day. Yeah, whatever.
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Your doctor knows squat. Right now, thanks to someone here I'm trying tart cherry juice, a couple of tablespoons a day diluted. It helps some. Natural things take a while. Most of the sleep aides the doc would prescribe aren't good for the body. I suggest you look this up online. If you consume caffeine or eat sugary things before bed that can make a negative difference too. Maybe even try going to a naturopath.
 
Encourage him to check out the local fitness center. Exercise can become addictive, in a good way, get the endorphins going, improves mood and mental clarity. Of course, with local Covid quarantines going to the gym may not be possible. Perhaps a fancy treadmill or exercise bike would appeal to him...
 
Nathan said:
Encourage him to check out the local fitness center. Exercise can become addictive, in a good way, get the endorphins going, improves mood and mental clarity. Of course, with local Covid quarantines going to the gym may not be possible. Perhaps a fancy treadmill or exercise bike would appeal to him...
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We both belong to Planet Fitness. He hardly ever goes and of course no fitness centers are open here now. Darn
 
If he doesn’t care that you like your leisure time, let him continue doing his things. I have two friends just like your husband. My DH starts his day off sooner than I do. I just keep on reading and drinking my coffee. At times I feel guilty, but not too much.
 
StarSong said:
Maybe he's on a different forum voicing concerns about retiring with a slow-starting wife who lounges in bed until 7 and when she finally gets up she needs a couple of hours to have her coffee and get moving on her day. 😏

If the rhythm of your life doesn't bother him, why are you letting the rhythm of his bother you?

p.s. Lemons - lemonade: Why not leave him a honey-do list, including groceries that need to be purchased? Or, if you want to go there yourself, tell him to please not hit the grocery store if he's going to run errands because it's something you want to do yourself.

p.p.s. If he's got time left over after his chores you might want to teach him how to dust.
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That’s what I thought. I’d roll with it. 🤣
 
Sometimes you just need to vent. I suspect LindaB is at this point. That’s fair enough.
 

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