Upbringing Seniors Had as Children vs Modern Day Parents and Their Kids

As a retired teacher, I think too many kids today never hear the word NO. I've had to tell more than one parent, "You're the adult. You get to make the rules." My daughter used to work for child protective services. She had to explain to a few teens that taking away a cell phone does not constitute abuse.
 

CarolfromTX said:
As a retired teacher, I think too many kids today never hear the word NO. I've had to tell more than one parent, "You're the adult. You get to make the rules." My daughter used to work for child protective services. She had to explain to a few teens that taking away a cell phone does not constitute abuse.
Click to expand...
I agree 100%!
 
JaniceM said:
I've seen huge differences in how individuals were brought up- and what you said there is one of the biggest examples.
That's the way it was for me and most individuals I knew when I was a kid- values, standards, rules, etc.

While I saw very little of an opposite approach in the past, I'm in the middle of it these days- seniors who were permitted to do anything they wanted as long as they didn't 'bother,' 'embarrass,' or 'inconvenience' the parents/adults- never developed a sense of responsibility, right from wrong, or concern for the consequences of their behaviors to other people.
So with that kind of influence, it shouldn't be surprising when the younger generations are obnoxious little creeps.
Click to expand...
I have always loved watching and listening to the interactions between a mother and young child related to the teachings of politeness.

Child is handed a treat, a toy, whatever, and immediately the mother asks, "and what do we say"?

Whenever I took my kids visiting with me, I was always on them... "we say please", "we say thank you".

I see a lot of out of control wildness in kids today, and it doesn't speak quality upbringing to me.
 

Children don't come with instruction books although there are lots of books written about raising them, each child and each parent and each circumstance is different.

I believe every natural parent is inspired by nature with the instinct to nurture, to do the best they can for that child. Life brings other people and stressful times into the situation and natural instincts don't always prevail.

Life gets easier if we can accept that all of us do the best we are capable of at the time even though that best was not very good.

There is no absolute answer in the nature vs. nurture question but learning decency, respect for yourself and for others and simply knowing right from wrong begins as a toddler and at home.
 
gennie said:
I believe every natural parent is inspired by nature with the instinct to nurture, to do the best they can for that child.
Click to expand...
Well I’m going to have to respectfully disagree with you. Not ‘every’ natural parent is inspired by nature with the instinct to nurture , to do the best they can for that child. Some are so far off that mark it’s mind boggling.
 
gennie said:
Children don't come with instruction books although there are lots of books written about raising them, each child and each parent and each circumstance is different.

I believe every natural parent is inspired by nature with the instinct to nurture, to do the best they can for that child. Life brings other people and stressful times into the situation and natural instincts don't always prevail.

Life gets easier if we can accept that all of us do the best we are capable of at the time even though that best was not very good.

There is no absolute answer in the nature vs. nurture question but learning decency, respect for yourself and for others and simply knowing right from wrong begins as a toddler and at home.
Click to expand...
What I believe is, some people are definitely more cut-out at raising children than others (born with a knack, etc), and as for those who don't have it, I just wish somehow biologically... magically, the option to conceive wouldn't be there.

I feel so lucky to have grown-up in a home with baby siblings, because aside from working alongside my mom helping care for them, I got to see so much in the way of what worked, what didn't work, what to do, and what not to do, so when I became a mom, a lot of those early baby sibling years was still fresh in my mind, and I truly believe it helped me be a better mom.
 
Lewkat said:
I never took to authority very well and was a first class rebel. While my parents did not hit me, they took away privileges which hurt more than spankings in my opinion. My father was always teaching me ethical behavior and my mom was high on personal moral responsibility. When they said no, the no stood regardless. I would try to buck the system, never worked and I lost out on some fun things I'd wanted to do. I brought my son up the same way and since we've stayed on the straight and narrow, my parents' methods worked. They had learned that from their parents as well.
Click to expand...

We did not have much in the way of privileges growing up so that was not an option. They needed something to keep us busy in our rooms when they sent us there so we did not drive them crazy.
 
I often wonder why so many people bother to have children when they seem to have so little interest in them. Parents who really care, will be concerned about doing what is best for the child and that means teaching them nice manners, respect for other people and their property, and decent behaviour. In the majority of cases, that just isn't happening.
Children are a country's future, and I dread to think what sort of society we are now building.
 
Rosemarie said:
I often wonder why so many people bother to have children when they seem to have so little interest in them. Parents who really care, will be concerned about doing what is best for the child and that means teaching them nice manners, respect for other people and their property, and decent behaviour. In the majority of cases, that just isn't happening.
Children are a country's future, and I dread to think what sort of society we are now building.
Click to expand...
You and me both!
 
SeaBreeze said:
When I was a child, I had both parents in the home. My mother didn't work, she kept house and cared for me and my three older siblings. She wasn't super strict, but she taught me right from wrong, manners, to respect my elders, and to be responsible for my words and actions.

I received some spankings, all well-deserved, but nothing excessive or abusive whatsoever. My mother loved me, and I hold nothing against her for the discipline I received as a child, I believe that it developed my character to be what it is today. Now children with threaten their parents if they dare to spank or discipline, and the parents fear some agency coming in on a false charge and taking action unfairly.

Years ago, children were rewarded if they excelled in school or did something exceptional in sports, arts, etc. They learned at home to be subordinate to their parents, and at school, to their teachers.

Now, it appears that many (not all) modern day parents follow orders from their child. They do everything they can to please them, and deny them very little. They praise their children even when they fail at something, or do something bad. The schools, from what I hear, no longer give awards to students who perform exceptionally well, or submit the best project in class. Every child gets notice, whether they worked hard or not. Competition in games, etc. is discouraged to some degree.

Now, many young people are having problems both in school and in the workplace. They are not used to taking orders from anyone, they are used to getting their own way and giving the orders. They cannot take constructive criticism, they believe that they are always right and that their way is the best.

Many seniors have done jobs early in life that were considered menial, fast food work, cleaning/painting jobs, etc. I know I have, and without thought, as I was employed to earn a paycheck and that was that. Young adults nowadays, will many times turn their noses up at 'blue color' positions. They'd rather be completely unemployed, until their fantasy job appears. Likely leaning on their parents in the meantime.

Is there a big parenting problem in today's society? Is it having a negative effect on the future generation(s)? Is it getting worse with time, as these coddled children have babies of their own? What do you think, is there a problem here or not?
Click to expand...
my early years were about the same except... single parent household. my dad raise 3 kids (3, 5 & 8 yo), with lots of family help, after my mom died when i was 8. HUGE difference between my upbringing and that of my counterparts' kid is... i was told NO when appropriate and that was the end of it. the old "because i said so". kids label a teacher as MEAN if she/he ever tells them no.

i would NEVER consider raiding the fridge/cupboard without asking. would NEVER just take cookies out of cookie jar.
 
wcwbf said:
my early years were about the same except... single parent household. my dad raise 3 kids (3, 5 & 8 yo), with lots of family help, after my mom died when i was 8. HUGE difference between my upbringing and that of my counterparts' kid is... i was told NO when appropriate and that was the end of it. the old "because i said so". kids label a teacher as MEAN if she/he ever tells them no.

i would NEVER consider raiding the fridge/cupboard without asking. would NEVER just take cookies out of cookie jar.
Click to expand...
So sorry to know you lost your mom at such a young age, WC.

LOL, about sneaking a cookie out of the jar! I remember waiting for my mom to go to the store, and out would come the raspberry jam and peanut butter from the fridge along with the Wheat Thins, and I'd choke-back a handful or two before mom got back.

Mom was strict about us kids eating or snacking before supper, so I learned how cheat and sneak a little here and there. :)
 
I vaguely remember the spankings or any other form of disciplining. Perhaps I am blocking it out. My mother would pinch me and I do remember it being painful. I just wonder if I was that bad of a child?!? I'll never know....
 
Most of my grandchildren have never heard the word 'No'
They have no idea of consequences
If anything they have breaks it is replaced immediately
They have no manners either
Their parents....my 2 adult children were not brought up like that
You're probably thinking I beat them into submission....but I did not
 
peramangkelder said:
Most of my grandchildren have never heard the word 'No'
They have no idea of consequences
If anything they have breaks it is replaced immediately
They have no manners either
Their parents....my 2 adult children were not brought up like that
You're probably thinking I beat them into submission....but I did not
Click to expand...
That's the last thing that would ever have crossed my mind, Peram.

What it is, is a sign of changing-times, and for whatever unknown reason, regardless of our children's upbringings, they set out on their own and before long, ideals and standards that were instilled upon them go by wayside, and suddenly they're raising little ones of their own.

All of the modern daycare arrangements we see today is not making for more well-behaved times either, unlike in the past when mothers were at home fulltime raising their children. Naturally children were more well-adjusted, obedient, and they learned right from wrong and suffered consequences for their poor choices and actions.

Today, parents can't do this, and they can't do that, and there's a law against this, and another law against that. No wonder we're witnessing what we're witnessing today.
 
Gary O' said:
I was seen and not heard
It pretty much worked in my favor

Preferred not being seen, either
Click to expand...
I hear ya....my dad retired as an E-9 Navy boatswain mate....as a kid it was always better to be neither seen nor heard (regardless tho bless his puddin heart for molding me into the humanoid that i’ve become)...i think...lol
 
pamelasmithwick said:
I vaguely remember the spankings or any other form of disciplining. Perhaps I am blocking it out. My mother would pinch me and I do remember it being painful. I just wonder if I was that bad of a child?!? I'll never know....
Click to expand...
Exactly one of the side effects of parents using pain to teach their kids. Kids are programmed to love their parents. When parents hurt them, they think they must be terrible kids to deserve it & they grow up with low self esteem.
 
Aunt Marg said:
That's the last thing that would ever have crossed my mind, Peram.

What it is, is a sign of changing-times, and for whatever unknown reason, regardless of our children's upbringings, they set out on their own and before long, ideals and standards that were instilled upon them go by wayside, and suddenly they're raising little ones of their own.

All of the modern daycare arrangements we see today is not making for more well-behaved times either, unlike in the past when mothers were at home fulltime raising their children. Naturally children were more well-adjusted, obedient, and they learned right from wrong and suffered consequences for their poor choices and actions.

Today, parents can't do this, and they can't do that, and there's a law against this, and another law against that. No wonder we're witnessing what we're witnessing today.
Click to expand...
Thank you @Aunt Marg you are more right than you know
I remember when my 2 were growing up I taught them how to behave and they followed by my example
I always kept the 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you' maxim
 
peramangkelder said:
Thank you @Aunt Marg you are more right than you know
I remember when my 2 were growing up I taught them how to behave and they followed by my example
I always kept the 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you' maxim
Click to expand...
For old-fashioned folks like us, Peram, it's not easy sitting back and watching the circus perform like it is today.
 
win231 said:
Exactly one of the side effects of parents using pain to teach their kids. Kids are programmed to love their parents. When parents hurt them, they think they must be terrible kids to deserve it & they grow up with low self esteem.
Click to expand...
And it can be even worse when individuals get sucked up into that "pop-psych" crap.. I've seen/heard too many individuals in my age group with tears in their eyes stating 'my parents did the best they could..'
 
JaniceM said:
True- and the thread on parents who kill their own children is only one example.
Click to expand...
Yes. It’s haunting. I know humans do some horrifically evil things but I still think it all boils down to mental disorder. I’d guess there are many people in the world with undiagnosed mental disorder. It’s a bit worrisome to think about at times.

Neither one of my parents were ever diagnosed with mental disorder but there’s no doubt they have them. Our neighbour definitely has some type of mental disorder but never been diagnosed. I guess if you don’t think anything’s wrong with you, then nothing gets checked out.
 
i've seen too many commercials for some kind of snack food/drink where hoards of kids (usually teenage boys) attack and strip a fridge/freezer BARE like a school of piranha. and mom just stands there with a simple grin on her face. or teenagers who wait for (expect) mom to prepare snacks, even if that only means a few buttons on microwave.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top