grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
Would you believe I'd been thinking about this before coming across this website, (choose whether to believe me or not, that's a battle I can't help you with unfortunately 
!).
Anyway, as someone who's been told to choose my battles wisely, or more wisely, (advice I'd guess I've pretty much ignored, or been incapable of following?), it would appear there are disparate views on this subject, or at least definitions of the problem, as you will see.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/...es/201312/why-you-shouldn-t-pick-your-battles
"The point here is to recognize that the conversation begins before any words are spoken; it begins with the intention with which we enter the dialogue and the language that we use to describe it. Choosing whether or not and how to take a stand as opposed to choosing a battle, creates a greater likelihood that what follows will be a respectful dialogue, rather than an antagonistic struggle."
Break
"When we see an exchange as a battle to be won or lost, our focus is on the other person. We want to find their areas of weaknesses, their vulnerable spots, and deliver strikes that are designed to diminish their ability to have their will prevail over us. This view almost inevitably generates a similar reaction in them and by the time the first words are spoken, we’ve already transformed differences into conflict. When we’re in a battle it feels safer to focus on the other person since they represent a threat and we need to be aware of any potential dangers coming from their direction. The notion that the best defense is a good offense applies in contact sports, but not so well in the kind of contact that we seek to experience in intimate partnerships. The time to focus on our partner is when they are speaking and expressing their perspective. Giving them our full attention and listening from an intention to try to understand how they feel and why they feel that way creates an empathetic connection that promotes greater openness and trust. It also enhances the likelihood that they will respond in kind to our concerns."
Break
"When we appreciate the degree to which all of our relationships are enhanced by breaking the habit of responding to differences with defensive and offensive patterns, we’ve already taken the most important step in the process of becoming liberated from our automatic protective reactions.
Easier said than done, you say? No argument there. But few things that are worth fighting…or taking a stand for, are easy. And enlightened self-interest is in everyone’s interest!"
!).Anyway, as someone who's been told to choose my battles wisely, or more wisely, (advice I'd guess I've pretty much ignored, or been incapable of following?), it would appear there are disparate views on this subject, or at least definitions of the problem, as you will see.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/...es/201312/why-you-shouldn-t-pick-your-battles
Why You Shouldn’t Pick Your Battles
And what you can pick instead.
Quote:"The point here is to recognize that the conversation begins before any words are spoken; it begins with the intention with which we enter the dialogue and the language that we use to describe it. Choosing whether or not and how to take a stand as opposed to choosing a battle, creates a greater likelihood that what follows will be a respectful dialogue, rather than an antagonistic struggle."
Break
"When we see an exchange as a battle to be won or lost, our focus is on the other person. We want to find their areas of weaknesses, their vulnerable spots, and deliver strikes that are designed to diminish their ability to have their will prevail over us. This view almost inevitably generates a similar reaction in them and by the time the first words are spoken, we’ve already transformed differences into conflict. When we’re in a battle it feels safer to focus on the other person since they represent a threat and we need to be aware of any potential dangers coming from their direction. The notion that the best defense is a good offense applies in contact sports, but not so well in the kind of contact that we seek to experience in intimate partnerships. The time to focus on our partner is when they are speaking and expressing their perspective. Giving them our full attention and listening from an intention to try to understand how they feel and why they feel that way creates an empathetic connection that promotes greater openness and trust. It also enhances the likelihood that they will respond in kind to our concerns."
Break
"When we appreciate the degree to which all of our relationships are enhanced by breaking the habit of responding to differences with defensive and offensive patterns, we’ve already taken the most important step in the process of becoming liberated from our automatic protective reactions.
Easier said than done, you say? No argument there. But few things that are worth fighting…or taking a stand for, are easy. And enlightened self-interest is in everyone’s interest!"
