Parental Alienation Syndrome, (syndrome meaning a cluster of symptoms with a common etiology

[grahamg]

What are the Symptoms of Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)?

A syndrome is simply a cluster of symptoms with a common etiology. The eight symptoms of PAS are the specific symptoms found in a child who has been successfully alienated. The more symptoms one sees of the eight, as well as the intensity of them, determines the level of severity of the PAS disorder. The eight symptoms are:

1. a campaign of denigration;
2. weak, frivolous, and absurd rationalizations for the deprecation;
3. lack of ambivalence in the child;
4. the “independent thinker” phenomenon;
5. reflexive support of the alienating parent in the parental conflict;
6. absence of guilt over cruelty to and/or exploitation of the alienated parent;
7. presence of borrowed scenarios;
8. spread of animosity to the extended family of the alienated parent.

In mild PAS, the eight symptoms are mostly present with the exception of two symptoms (lack of ambivalence, and absence of guilt over cruelty to the alienated parent).

As a child moves from mild to moderate PAS, the remaining six symptoms increase in their severity, and the two symptoms noted above begin to appear. In severe PAS, all the symptoms have progressed to the severe level including the two noted above. In other words, with severe PAS, the child loses his or her ability to empathize and to feel guilt in a patterned and predictable way. This level of symptom organization is the very hallmark of the existence of a syndrome.

 

[AnnieA]

So sorry this is a struggle, Graham. Our family has felt some of the pain of it; my SIL has tried her best with my now 16 year old niece. Last year the holidays were constant manipulation and hurt for my brother, but the witch overdid it and it backfired over the summer.

 

[gennie]

I am constantly amazed at the horrible things a parent can do to an innocent child.

 

[Pepper]

I am constantly amazed at the horrible things a parent can do to an innocent child.

Why? Parents are people first.

 

[grahamg]

Why? Parents are people first.

If it is in the interests of a parent to do something negative against the other parent, (whether or not it is deserving the description of a "horrible thing"), those same parents can tell themselves what they are doing is in the child's best interests.

After all this manipulation of the child (by the parent they normally reside with in most cases), means it is the one who the child owes the most, maybe even they are the ones who can claim to have loved them the most, and they certainly cared for the child the most, so if it makes them happy to exclude the other parent, and/or simply removes the threat the child might love their father (/other parent) as much as them or more, then they can justify this to themselves cant they.

Apologies this is such a convoluted argument to try to digest, but I believe it is logical and holds water(?)

 

[grahamg]

So sorry this is a struggle, Graham. Our family has felt some of the pain of it; my SIL has tried her best with my now 16 year old niece. Last year the holidays were constant manipulation and hurt for my brother, but the witch overdid it and it backfired over the summer.

Dont be sorry for me because I think I started to get my head around what happened to me twenty years ago, though four years after I failed to convince court appointed officials the stark negative comments my daughter made about not enjoying contact were the result of her mother and stepfather making life difficult, and for all that I'm posting the OP concerning PAS I do not believe at all that my daughter was in any way ill, and in need of any kind of treatment or therapy.
Those officials covered up my ex lying to them at the end of the meeting, though they were angry. It was the meeting where the two parents were interviewed together by them, without our daughter being involved, (and the lying was about what may seem a trivial matter, her new love having given up a son for adoption aged two years, she claimed he hadn't got any other children than the two she had with him).

I think they did this covering up so my lawyer could not say to the court, "How can we believe anything Mrs so and so says when she is prepared to lie to court officials"? They may have felt exposing my daughters mother as a serial liar, (as this was just one of the misleading things in her statements, saying for example I never took our daughter anywhere interesting), and this would not have been in our daughter's best interests.

 

[grahamg]

I am constantly amazed at the horrible things a parent can do to an innocent child.

You may find this of some interest as it mentions mothers specifically for some reason:

"Subordinates may love, tolerate, or fight against a leader. Regardless, an unspoken imbalance of power exists between leaders and those they lead. That imbalance is seldom, if ever, overcome. Whether leaders are mothers, politicians, or executive managers, they sustain a consistent power differential that keeps them in charge.

Personal character seated inside a good mind is the only force strong enough to overcome this imbalance of power. Strong character serves as a guard rail that guides the conduct of leaders in a way that rules and laws simply cannot."

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...09/toxic-leadership-the-mental-health-mandate

"A 15-year-old girl living with emotionally abusive parents once sat in my office and sobbed, “I feel trapped! I have no say-so in what happens!”

I taught her some powerful mental health coping strategies and shared, “You do have a say-so—in about 36 months.”

She issued her parents a no-confidence vote after her high school graduation, enrolled in college, and never looked back. Today she is a successful, happy attorney, in touch with—yet distanced from—her abusive parents."

 

[gennie]

You may find this of some interest as it mentions mothers specifically for some reason:

"Subordinates may love, tolerate, or fight against a leader. Regardless, an unspoken imbalance of power exists between leaders and those they lead. That imbalance is seldom, if ever, overcome. Whether leaders are mothers, politicians, or executive managers, they sustain a consistent power differential that keeps them in charge.

Personal character seated inside a good mind is the only force strong enough to overcome this imbalance of power. Strong character serves as a guard rail that guides the conduct of leaders in a way that rules and laws simply cannot."

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...09/toxic-leadership-the-mental-health-mandate

"A 15-year-old girl living with emotionally abusive parents once sat in my office and sobbed, “I feel trapped! I have no say-so in what happens!”

I taught her some powerful mental health coping strategies and shared, “You do have a say-so—in about 36 months.”

She issued her parents a no-confidence vote after her high school graduation, enrolled in college, and never looked back. Today she is a successful, happy attorney, in touch with—yet distanced from—her abusive parents."

Great post. Thank you. I've always thought that - with strong character, one can endure anything if they are convinced it is temporary.