When to stop buying presents for grandchildren

G

grannyjo

Member
My grandchildren are now 21 and 20 years old.

Both of them now earn far more from their job/part time job than I receive in aged pension.

I have only once received one combined present from them, and that was when I turned 70, after some nagging from their parents.

As they have became adults, ie able to vote, marry, drive motor vehicles and everything else at age 18, should I still send them birthday and Christmas presents?

I have done so up until now, but I am questioning if I should continue.

At Christmas time, I sent them each a card and some lottery tickets/scratchie type things. I didn't even receive a phone call from them - in fact I never have - no matter what I have sent over the years. They seemed to expect that I should send them the present, and also phone them on the morning of their birthday.

We do live a fair distance from each other - maybe a five hour drive. They've never come to visit me by themselves, only while accompanied by their parents, even though they've passed through my town on their way on holidays.

Is it time for me to just say enough is enough?
 

Okay this is just me ...

A gift should be a joy for the giver as well as the gifted. If it's my joy to give something to someone I do it. I never do it because it's expected. That is what bill's are.
If what you are able to give without financial hardships is a card with a nice note..then to heck with em if they're so superficial they can't care about or understand your situation. If they are adults they are old enough to know that the elderly live on a much tighter budget. Tell them IHOP gave you a break, why can't they.
Old age should be able being happy the last years you can..you already probably spent it making other people happy.

Ok that's just how I feel about the subject
 
Sometimes when they reach adulthood, it's okay to just send a card instead of a gift. I used to send my niece a birthday gift every year when she was young, but once she matured I just went to birthday and Christmas cards. She was always thankful and sent me thank you cards with encouragement from my sister, but there comes a time when the gifts may not be that big of a deal. I wouldn't overthink it, just stop the gifts and continue the well wishes with cards if you like, it probably doesn't make much of a difference to them.
 
If they can't even make a phone call, perhaps it's time to just send a card, and nothing else.

As our family has grown, buying gifts at Christmas was becoming in increasing hassle. We hit on a good formula a few years ago...at one of the daughters suggestion. Now, we all get together over Thanksgiving, and everyone writes down a gift choice on a slip of paper...with a $25 limit. Then, we draw one name out of a hat, and buy One gift for the person we chose. We also buy one guy or gal thing, and have a blind drawing for that gift. Now, the only real gift shopping is for the little Great Grandkids, and the parents usually have a carload of toys to take home. It's become a pretty good tradition that seems to work well for everyone.
 
My oldest boy is thirty. From maybe seventeen the same favorite cologne for his birthday. Even his wife might not even know...but every birthday he knows Mom will get him a bottle. Something meaningful ya know?
 
The simple answers to me of when to stop giving presents is: 1. When you feel you can't afford to do so anymore. 2. When you feel obligated to give a gift and aren't doing it simply because it makes you happy to do so. 3. When there is never a thank you or even and acknowledgement of the gift. and 4. When you can no longer think of anything to get them because they have everything all ready.

My husband and I are going to have to make a decision about gift giving this year as now that we are semi-retired we don't have as much money to spend on gifts and we now have nine grandkids to buy for. The last few years when I asked them at Thanksgiving to make me a list of Christmas gifts they would like to receive so I would have something to pick from...they said they couldn't think of anything. That tells me it's time to stop the gift giving.
 
I would stop now that they're grown and it sounds like they don't appreciate it or at least they don't show it. I've been thinking about stopping with the birthday presents at the age of 16 which will start soon. It is just my income and with what I can afford to give 6 times, you can't buy much. I have been just giving them money but that will have to stop eventually. For the last 2 Christmases, I have asked for a list and never received one from them or their mothers. Again, I gave them money which some are still at the age that they like getting money but when the enthusiasm stops, I will stop.
 
Grannyjo - I think it's fine if you stop sending birthday and Christmas gifts. You might, however, send an occasional no-occasion gift...if you see something affordable that you think a certain one might like, get it and send it with a "thought of you" note. Or send baked goods or handmade items out of the blue. I started doing this when 5 out of 8 grandchildren got busy with their lives, and I began living on a very small budget. I still give birthday and Christmas gifts to the 3 little ones.
 
I met with a friend this morning who has the same idea.

The grandchildren have grown into adults, and no real communication from them.

I relented, and sent the last of the "presents" I will send.

Just a card, and a lottery ticket that might win him $2 million dollars. (Lots of luck!)

He is now living with his girlfriend, in a more or less "marriage" arrangement.

No real need for grandma to send anything more than good wishes.
 
My kids received gifts from their paternal grandparents all the time,because they live in Greece and us here,whoever visited,they always sent something.I made sure,as soon as they were able to speak,that they. Thanked them every time.

It sickens me when grandparents are not appreciated,not just for gifts but for a lifetme of work to raise their kids.
 
My American grandchildren have snubbed me from day 1, don't know why.
Cards or presents have never been acknowledged.
It's sad, maybe I don't fit into their upper middle class scheme of things.
(but I've really tried, even offered to pay the fare to Australia).
So for me it's also: STOP! :shucks:
 
Make it easy for them - just send them a text like everyone else. Then they can "reply all" with a "Thx". In fact, they might only have to type T - the rest might come up as predictive text.

And save your time and money for where it is appreciated.
 
I give three grandkids $500.00 for Birthday and $500.00 at Christmas. They are in 23.,24.,27., respectively. When do I stop this outlandish gifts to each.
 
IWMH said:
I give three grandkids $500.00 for Birthday and $500.00 at Christmas. They are in 23.,24.,27., respectively. When do I stop this outlandish gifts to each.
Click to expand...
if it had been me I would not be giving Grand-adults .. £3k a year. !!. for the exact reason that they're adults and no longer children... Once they became adults and were capable of earning their own money, then financial handouts from grandparents should end IMO
 
BlunderWoman said:
Okay this is just me ...

A gift should be a joy for the giver as well as the gifted. If it's my joy to give something to someone I do it. I never do it because it's expected. That is what bill's are.
If what you are able to give without financial hardships is a card with a nice note..then to heck with em if they're so superficial they can't care about or understand your situation. If they are adults they are old enough to know that the elderly live on a much tighter budget. Tell them IHOP gave you a break, why can't they.
Old age should be able being happy the last years you can..you already probably spent it making other people happy.

Ok that's just how I feel about the subject
Click to expand...
Agree
 
I stopped when they turned 30, but they are both underemployed right now so I have suspended that rule and sent them both nice checks. We are also able to spare the money even though both of us are retired and they need the help right now.

They are pretty good about thanking us. I insist that none of them send us anything since we don't need anything and are busy downsizing.
 
We still give Christmas Presents to the older grands (19, 20, 20, 21). They all make more than we do too. But the gifts are smaller dollar wise than we give the 3 younger grandsons. (A LOT SMALLER). They are all good kids and we will do it as long as we can. But I will say this...not sure we would if they treated us the way yours do you
😔
 
I'm close with my grandkids but I stopped buying them Christmas presents when they turned 18. And they still like me. But all the rest of the year, if I see something I know they'd like and I have the money, I buy it for them. Sometimes it's just a little something, sometimes it's kind of a big deal. They dig the random gifts as much as they did their Christmas gifts.
 

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